A Series of Politically Inappropriate Happenings
by lunartick
Summary: Sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events. In which the Hunter Association moves against Midoya, threatening to end her life, Kuroro's source of entertainment, and Pepeka's innocence. Rated M for decadence, amorality and violence.
1. The Beginning

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end!

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of this site, please contact the author for permission first.

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The Beginning: A Series of Politically Inappropriate Happenings

It is very odd, this thing called 'life'. When a person is born into this world, he is given seventy to a hundred years to do something with it. At the same time, the world happily limits the extent to which the individual can live his life according to his will. Laws, rules, social norms and expectations from people around him drive the individual to limit himself, to regress, to devolve into something that he is not. It is through this that the true potential of an individual is cruelly stamped out, it is through this that the wings of an individual are snapped, broken and stomped into the ground like worthless piles of feather not even fit to stuff a pillow. The individual is left as nothing more than a collection of meat, of cells, dying slowly day by day by day by…

Kuroro paused in mid-thought and reconsidered the thought that had just run through his mind. Slowly, he examined it, savouring it like a thimble of wine of undecided quality. It was, he decided, sullen, exaggeratedly emotional and highly irritated. Ah, that can only mean one thing: he was in a very, _very_ bad mood.

That could not be helped. From the moment Kuroro parted with Midoya, his life had entered what he thought of as a 'swirl of escalating frenzied violent activity'. First, there was the Ryodan. Kuroro loved the Ryodan. It had always been his dream, since he was a young teen staring at the rest of his life with large, uncertain eyes, to have a group of friends who will murder people he didn't like and steal things that he wanted for him. To have it come true was amazing, wonderful and everything Kuroro had ever wished for. However, at the same time, the downside of having a group that only moves when you give the orders is that when you _aren't_ around to give the orders, things kind of… fall… apart.

Take for example, the consequences of having Feitan as temporary Dancho.

"What is this?" Kuroro had demanded the moment he had returned to their base in York Shin. 'This' referred to the dead bodies littering the floor of the base. Even at first glance, Kuroro could tell they had been left there deliberately. If the way each and every corpse spotted the exact same set of mutilations wasn't a clue, the bodies' arrangements in the shape of a spider most certainly was.

"It was our temporary Dancho's orders," Phinx replied casually. "He felt that the reason why the little boys we took hostage weren't afraid of us is because our base doesn't look scary enough. So he figured having dead, mutilated corpses around would scare our future prisoners or hostages into submission. Why do you ask, Dancho? Is there a problem?"

"Yes," Kuroro had replied, holding his nose and staring in horror at the thick, smoky clouds of flies ascending like a black tornado from the corpses. "Yes, there is a… problem."

If that was the last of the temporary insanity that had gripped the Ryodan in his absence, Kuroro would have let it slide. The Ryodan was not exactly the most stable or sane bunch around anyway, and he was used to sudden lapses in rationality. However, the changes that had taken place the moment he was absent had manifested in many aspects of the Ryodan. This included the admittance of young children of indeterminate gender to the Ryodan, the establishment of a rule that said violence _must_ be a part of every single mission and the abolishment of the 'coin' system as a good way of solving conflict in favour of open, bloody _battles_. Reversing all the changes amidst a solid cloud of flies (which Shizuku could not clean up because they were alive) did not make Kuroro a happy man.

As if that (and planning the subsequent moves against the chain-person) wasn't enough, there was Hisoka to contend with. The fight, which eventually took place on the plains of the same desert the chain-person had spitefully left him defenceless on, had been long, tedious and very disturbing. Even now, Kuroro did not like thinking about the details of the fight for too long. Suffice to say it was challenging, sexually inappropriate and came really close to leaving Kuroro mutilated, violated and dead, probably not in that order. By the end of the seventy-two hours the fight had lasted, Kuroro had been hanging on by the tips of his fingers and thankful that Hisoka had finally ran out of steam, enough so that even though neither of them were dead, Hisoka was satisfied enough to leave it at that.

What with all the things he had to deal with, by the end of the week, Kuroro was ready to throw the towel in, preferably in somebody's face. He had formed the Ryodan as a protest against restrictions to his freedom, not to add to his restrictions _damn it_.

Yet again, Kuroro was forced to pause in mid-thought as he considered the ending of his last thought. It was, he noted objectively, what is commonly known as a 'swear word' or a 'cuss'. That was very uncharacteristic of him and could only mean one thing.

"I'm a little stressed, don't you think?" he commented nonchalantly to Shalnark.

He watched Shalnark look at his face and then at the book that he had torn to tatters in his hands (a cheap brainless novel Midoya had left behind which used boring, simple quantum physics as a narrative plot and, just for that, deserved to be destroyed). "Perhaps," Shalnark replied smiling nervously. "Would you like a massage?"

Recently, Shalnark had read in a science journal that regular massages helped reduce stress in an individual, and made the individual easier to get along with. He had, subsequently, started offering massages to anyone who would take it in a desperate attempt to keep the Ryodan members off each other's throat during Kuroro's absence. So far, only Nobunaga had taken him up on the offer, and as far as Kuroro could tell, he was still the same old _violent_ person. "No thank you," Kuroro told Shalnark as kindly as he could in his present state of mind.

"Are you sure, Dancho? I think I've gotten pretty good with the pressure point technique. Nobu swore I cured the arthritis in his knee."

Kuroro glanced over at Shalnark, taking in the bright, shining eyes of a young man eager to dig his fingers into his boss's assumedly stiff and unyielding muscles, and decided that sometimes, being with the Ryodan for too long a period of time wasn't really that good a thing after all.

So, five weeks after finally returning to the Ryodan, Kuroro found himself climbing up the side of the building to Midoya's penthouse in a bid to escape the Ryodan.

As he paused on the ledge just below Midoya's penthouse, he idly scratched at the bandanna covering his tattoo and wondered if he should have called beforehand. He wasn't even sure she was in, or whether she would mind if he let himself in. Then, he remembered that he couldn't remember the last time Midoya had been unwelcoming to anybody climbing into her window. Reassured, Kuroro gripped the ledge of Midoya's window and vaulted over.

The next thing he knew, he was plummeting down the side of a fifty-storey building with a snarling woman glowing with Nen and wielding a bloodied machete attached to his chest.

Kuroro blinked in surprise as the sharp edge of the machete pressed against his throat and started to see-saw back and forth vigorously, drawing blood. "Midoya?" he questioned tentatively. Presumably, the woman glaring at him with wild eyes was Midoya. The last time he saw her, her eyes hadn't been completely made of silver and glowing red with Nen. She hadn't had steam coming out of her nostrils either. However, the strange woman attempting to saw into his neck had pretty bad acne, and Midoya was the only person he knew who lived in York Shin (the city of plastic surgeons and dermatologists) who had acne.

The snarling woman shuddered at the sound of her name, and the silver dissolved from her eyes to reveal black irises surrounded by bloodshot whites. "Kuroro?" she asked, startled, and then her face brightened up. "Kuroro!" she exclaimed, smiling pleasantly. "It's good to see you again! My, it has been a while. Oh, you let your hair down. How nice. I like this look on you." She beamed, an expression that, on her round, chubby cheeks, made her look either like the biggest baby ever or a serial killer.

"Indeed, it has been a while," Kuroro agreed, pleased that Midoya now resembled Midoya again, and that the machete had been removed from his throat. "I did not expect to see you again under such circumstances though."

"My apologies," Midoya told him, looking genuinely sorry. "It has been a rather stressful week."

"Believe me, I feel for you," Kuroro answered with equal sincerity. "What do you propose we do about our current situation?"

"Situation?" Midoya asked. Together, they stared at the rest of the world zooming past as they continued to drop towards their impending deaths on the concrete grounds of York Shin City. "My goodness Kuroro, I believe we are falling to our deaths," Midoya observed, without any real urgency in her voice.

"I agree with your most succinct observation."

"And your neck is bleeding. Why is your neck bleeding?"

"You were trying to saw my neck off."

"I was? My goodness, I have no idea what I was thinking. You know I like your neck a lot. It's a very nice neck; very useful for attaching your head to your shoulders too. This is shocking, absolutely shocking."

"Yes, it was quick a shock for me too. Fortunately it's not very deep."

"Indeed, it is fortunate that the cut isn't very deep. I do apologize for it still."

"It is not an issue," Kuroro told her generously. Casually, he materialized his book. "Since you have so kindly helped me regain the use of my nen, may I return the favour by saving our lives?"

"Please, do not let me stop you. In fact, I suggest you hurry up. The pavement is starting to invade my comfort zone, which is extremely unpleasant."

With a brief burst of Nen, Kuroro teleported them back into the penthouse. The world exploded back into vision once they were back on solid ground. No, not quite solid ground. When he shifted his feet slightly, Kuroro felt something squish beneath his shoes. Warily, he looked down and experienced a horrible sense of déjà vu. He looked up and took a long look around the penthouse.

In no way could Midoya be considered a neat person. Any place that she stays in for extended periods of time end up cluttered with books and makeup, her two greatest passions in the world. The floor and various pieces of furniture are used as shelves for books regardless of the original function of said furnishing. Still, despite all that, he had never in his life ever seen her floor littered with dead bodies before. Now, there were at least thirty bodies littered around the space of her penthouse. The smell of rot and blood that Kuroro had left the Ryodan to escape flooded his nostrils.

"This isn't your idea of indoor decoration, right?" Kuroro demanded with no small degree of anxiety.

"Indoor decoration? You mean the dead bodies? Goodness, no, of course not. I grew out of that phrase quite a few years back," Midoya replied, brushing her black slacks down. "Whatever made you say that?"

"Nothing," Kuroro replied, immensely relieved. "What happened here?"

The inexplicable happened. Midoya _sighed_. He had heard her sigh before, but not a genuine, weary sigh like that. It was like listening to Feitan being kind and _understanding_ to babies. Never had an exhalation of air sounded so bizarre and foreign to his ears. "It's a rather long story," Midoya confessed. "Take a seat and I'll get you a drink. Is uh… I guess… is tea fine? I might have some… somewhere… in the kitchen… I think."

"Yes, that is fine," Kuroro said absent-mindedly, looking around the room and trying to find a chair that wasn't occupied by a dead body or various body parts. Midoya saw his hesitation and cheerfully kicked a body off the green loveseat, which was now brown and stiff with dried blood.

"Don't mind the corpses," she told him. "They were trying to kill me before they became corpses so feel free to treat them with all the disrespect they deserve." Then she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him on the edge of her loveseat.

Shortly, she returned with two cups of tea. Kuroro took one cup, paused, cautiously dipped a finger in the liquid then raised his eyebrow at her. The muddy liquid in the cup, as his crude examination showed, was cool.

"Sorry," she said, looking embarrassed. "I haven't had time to put the kettle on. Hope you don't mind tap water."

"No, it is fine," Kuroro said and sipped the tea-flavoured water. Making a face, he put it aside for the unforeseeable future when a cup of nausea-inducing liquid is the only thing that stands between him and certain death. "But come now, Midoya, satisfy my curiosity. What happened here?"

He watched Midoya sip at her drink before she sighed again. "It's a long story and truthfully, I only have speculations to tell you, but I am actually fairly certain of my theory as to why this is happening to me," she replied looking weary. "You have heard that the position of Chairman of the Hunter's Association is now open for election?"

"Yes, I believe Shalnark, the intelligence expert in my Ryodan, has mentioned it." Kuroro paused to dredge up memories of the conversation that had been held while they had been busy shovelling piles of maggots out of the base. "I believed he mentioned that the elections are being held now, where all Hunters are nominees as well as voters?"

"Yes, that is the situation, in theory." Midoya adjusted her position on the couch, ignoring the severed foot next to her. "However, the thing about elections is, it is only fair to a certain degree. When it comes to voting, voters have a tendency to vote for someone they have already heard of in the first place. That means that people who were already in prominent positions of power or who have a great deal of media exposure tend to get more votes than ordinary everyday Hunters." She paused to continue drinking as Kuroro regarded her thoughtfully.

"And you are a very prominent Hunter," he said slowly. "I am not sure what position you hold in the Hunter's Association, but the last time we were there, I noticed people recognized you on sight. You are definitely well-known and powerful."

"Yes," she said then smiled wryly, leaving him to make the deductions himself. It really wasn't difficult.

"People are voting for you to be the Chairman. No, correction; a _lot_ of people are voting for you to be the Chairman," Kuroro concluded, bemused and horrified. "Why would they want you to be the Chairman? There is nothing wrong with you as a Hunter, certainly. You are powerful, smart and disgustingly devious, but you function almost entirely on self-interest and you don't care what happens to the Association. You would let it run to ruin simply because you can't be bothered to deal with it. That's the worst sort of leader to have. Anyone with the slightest bit of common-sense can see that. Surely not everyone in the Hunter's Association is _stupid_?"

If he had said that to any other person, it would have been considered offensive. Midoya only burst into delighted laughter. "My goodness, I should hire you as my public relations manager!" she chuckled. "Yes, you are absolutely right. I would not make a good Chairman at all. However, people are voting for me, _because_ they see me as a powerful Hunter who isn't part of the establishment, and who thus presumably has fewer political aspirations and greater sympathy for the common person."

"Fools," Kuroro declared, outraged and offended on her behalf.

"Take all that, plus the fact that I was Netero's disciple into consideration, and that means… a lot of supporters," she added with a shrug. "Anyway, you see the problem now."

"Indeed," Kuroro agreed. "The people who _do_ want the position of Chairman must be very anxious to rid themselves of the competition."

"Correct," Midoya confirmed, finishing her drink. "Unfortunately, my position as a Hunter _outside_ the establishment also leaves me open to attacks by other Hunters since I don't really have any powerful supporters backing me, especially now that Netero is dead. Are you aware that there is a law that prevents Hunters from attacking other Hunters unless that Hunter in question has done something terribly, terribly bad?"

"No, I wasn't. But then we don't really care either way in the Ryodan, so it is not something we would actually take note of."

"True," Midoya agreed. "Anyway, some of the Hunters you see here and the Hunters who masterminded the attack, whoever they are, have raised a number of charges against me that include murder, blackmail, robbery and indecent acts in public, and have thus listed me as a threat that must be eliminated. That this is taking place now of all times leads me to think that they are trying to get rid of me, and thus get rid of competition in the elections."

"They are framing you so they can eliminate you openly?"

"Framing me? Goodness, no, they aren't dumb enough to _fake_ charges against me. It would destroy the entire association if it came out that members were using false charges against one of their own. No one would be able to trust anyone anymore, and open warfare between the various factions would surely break out. The status quo and thousands of civilian lives would be lost. It would be a massive disaster; a massive, _fun_ disaster, yes, but as I have learned years ago, not everyone shares my idea of what fun is. I don't know why; war is absolutely hilarious. But no. No Hunter in their right mind would _ever_ frame another Hunter, much less one as well-connected to the mafia as I am. The risks are too high. I am definitely guilty of all the charges they raised against me."

"Really?"

"Oh, definitely."

"Indecent acts in public?"

A playful smile flashed across Midoya's face. "In my defence, at that time I was very young and very unaware that the roof of the York Shin Parliament House is visible to anyone living on the twentieth floor and above," she replied with a wink. "Honestly, no one made a big deal of it at first. The videos that got leaked onto the Net even won awards in art shows, notably for the Best Nudes. That is rather odd to me since I wasn't, technically-speaking, _nude_. I was still wearing boots after all. People liked the boots apparently. It was considered selective nudity for the sake of art. No one seemed to realize I was wearing spiked boots and a whip for a reason." She paused and regarded the raised-eyebrow on Kuroro's face with a wicked smile. "No worries, I grew out of that phrase a long time ago, though I must admit, the prospect of putting you in a collar is quite… interesting. Ah, but I suspect your tastes don't run in that direction. You would probably prefer to don the boots and the whip than the collar and cuffs."

"I really can't say about the boots and the whip, but no collars please. I'm rather allergic to them. They tend to make me break out in extended bursts of violence. I must say though, my dearest Midoya, the things I learn about you would make a hardened resident of Meteor City blush." Kuroro watched her finish her drink. "So how long have you been the target of various assassination attempts?"

"A couple of days," Midoya said vaguely. "They came by with about a couple something thousand fighters and… I just finished cleaning them up. That was on Monday."

"So two days ago?"

"Apologies, I meant the Monday before."

"Ah. You have been waging a continuous battle for nine days. That explains you jumping off the building with me."

"Yes."

"And the cut on my throat."

"I apologize, once again, for that."

"It's still bleeding."

"Do I have to kiss it all better before you forgive me?"

"Hmm, only if you insist."

She did. Forty-five slippery and wet minutes later (including an awkward five minutes when Midoya had pulled off his coat, stared at the Nen beast still attached to his chest then asked how Kuroro proposed they work around _that_), Kuroro felt Midoya had done enough to gain his forgiveness, so he gently untangled their limbs so he could pull out the sharp object that was digging into his back. "Is it alright if I stay here for a couple of days?" he asked, staring at the severed finger in his hand. "I understand there are a lot of things happening in your life now, but I really need a break from the Ryodan."

"It is fine," Midoya murmured, arching her back contentedly. "If you don't mind the fact that my penthouse will be under attack until a Chairman is elected, I suppose you could stick around for a couple of days. Hopefully once a chairman is selected, the attacks will stop."

"Excellent," Kuroro beamed, pulling her into the crook of his arm. "If you like, I can think of a number of ways to boost the security of your windows. Shalnark was very fascinated with the Nen-field you had around the Kito mansion and spent much of his free time devising a portable version of it."

"Did he succeed? It took me quite a while to figure out how to store my Nen and convert it into a field. It was a terrible time, if I do say so myself. That Nen is so individualized and unstable makes it incredibly incompatible with technology. Fortunately, my Nen is as stubborn as I am, and the technology broke first, taking out five of my best scientists with it when it did. Vindictive little one, that."

"What a fascinating story. Well, in reply to your question, Shalnark did manage to come up with a little something. If he could solve the problem of it exploding after being left on for five minutes, it would make a very handy defensive device."

"Fantastic." Midoya stretched again then climbed out of his arms and started groping around for her top.

"Where are you going?" Kuroro asked, watching her get dressed interestedly. "It seems to me that you need to rest after nine days of continuous fighting. I strongly recommend resting on top of me. It's cold, I am freezing, and you are warm."

"You'll have to make do with a blanket. There is no rest for the wicked, dear Kuroro," Midoya replied cheerfully. "You may have noticed the dead bodies in my room."

"Indeed, I may have noticed the dead bodies. What about them?"

"I would like to get them cleaned up as soon as possible, preferably before the flies start to appear."

"You are definitely my type of girl," Kuroro told her with great feeling.

"You must explain your sudden aversion to dead bodies one day," she said, lips quirked in an amused, lop-sided smile.

"One day," Kuroro agreed reluctantly. Then a thought occurred to him. "How are you going to clean out the bodies?" he asked interestedly, "I assume you aren't just going to toss the bodies out of the window the same way you just toss your rubbish out the window?"

"Oh no, not at all. No one minds the pieces of tissue that fall over York Shin city once in a while. People think it's some rare mystical phenomenon that only occurs in this region and there are a group of scientists trying to figure out the reason behind it. I could solve it for them but I don't want to destroy their dreams of locating an alien civilization living in the clouds and sending cryptic messages to us. Anyway, it is one thing to have pieces of plastic and tissue fall from the sky; it's quite another to have dead bodies smattering all over the nice pavements. The poor scientists would be so devastated if the government decided to exterminate these aliens that are undoubtedly feasting on human flesh now. So rest assured, I am not going to toss the bodies out of the window. In fact, _I _am not going to clean up the bodies at all." Midoya went over to the lift and pressed a button. "One of the benefits of being a little rich girl is that I have other people to do jobs like this for me."

"Oh? Like who?"

"Like Lucy," Midoya replied, smiling widely.

"Lucy? Who's Lucy?" Kuroro asked, wondering if he should get up and put on some clothes if someone was coming up now.

And it was at that moment the lift _dinged_ cheerfully and a monster walked in.

* * *

As the massive, wrinkled face that filled the entire entrance of the lift peered into the room, bloodshot eyes glaring around balefully, Kuroro climbed quickly off the loveseat, keeping a wary eye on the strange creature that filled the space of the lift.

There wasn't much he could see given the way the creature's face filled the entrance of the lift. As far as he could see, this creature had the face of an old hag, wrinkled and cruel, with a hooked nose and thin lips. Past that, he thought he caught a glimpse of a thick, sinewy neck and hunched shoulders. Then thin, bony, but powerful arms extended from the lift, gripping the sides of the lift to haul a hunched, emaciated body, dressed in a French maid uniform in.

"My lady," the creature gasped in a voice as dry and as dusty as a tomb, "you called?"

"Lucy dear," Midoya smiled warmly, ignoring Kuroro's questioning glances, "so good of you to come up here. Have you heard that I've been under attack here for nine days?"

"Yes," the creature, Lucy, rasped, "the doorman turned away those who came in through the front door. They weren't invited guests, you see."

"Ah, Julius is as reliable as always," Midoya said tenderly. "Anyway, my dear, as you can see, my room is a mess what with all these bodies and all. And, unfortunately, I also happen to have guests of an intimate nature, so if you could clean up the corpses and blood for me, I would be really grateful."

At that, the massive, bloodshot eyes turned towards Kuroro, giant yellow irises rotating eerily to focus on him. "Good day, sir," the creature said, giant head bobbing in a bow. "If I do say so myself, though a mere servant shouldn't be so forward, you are a lot better looking than my lady's previous boyfriends."

"Thank you," Kuroro replied; fairly politely too on the general basis that anyone who thought he was good-looking was probably a good person deep inside.

"Of course, I've never seen my lady's other boyfriends naked before, so my opinion might be skewed, if I may say so with all due respect, good sir."

"That is perfectly understandable," Kuroro replied shamelessly.

"I agree, sir. The cute little creature attached to your chest adds much to your attractiveness. I congratulate you on your excellent sense of fashion, good sir."

"Thank you," Kuroro responded a tad frostily. "You are very kind."

"Thank you good sir," Lucy grated, bowing again. "Madam, if I may start cleaning now…?"

"But of course," Midoya said cheerfully and started picking up Kuroro's clothes. "I suggest we go to my bedroom where there are no corpses, Kuroro."

"Why?" Kuroro asked out of habit, trying to locate his belt.

"Because…" Midoya stopped and her mouth twisted into a little moue of distaste. "The reason is behind you."

Warily, Kuroro glanced over his shoulder. Lucy was hunched over, massive face pressed to the ground. The undersized hands lifted the black dress and white frilly apron in a strangely prim gesture. Slowly, the gigantic face split in half as wide mouth opened, lined with sharp, long teeth. Then the hunched figure started to move forward, mouth wide open and…

"Right," Kuroro said firmly, pulling his belt from under the loveseat, "to the bedroom."

Laughing, Midoya followed him, closing the door of the bedroom behind her. "I'm so glad you are here, Kuroro. We are going to have such a good time together," she said happily. "This is going to be a fun,_ fun _adventure."

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A/N: Thanks for reading! The pace is a little slow, but it will pick up in the following chapters. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Trivial: All her life, Lucy had always been a gravely misunderstood girl. People always took one look at her grossly deformed shape and assumed she was a monster of some sort. Lucy had never believed she was a monster. Deep inside, she always felt she was the typical girl-next-door: wholesome, polite and pleasant in a rather bland way. Her biggest dream was to have a family, a husband to care for and children to nurture. She also wanted a dog, some nice, friendly breed, like a golden retriever or a border collie. She would live in the suburbs in a pleasant, well-kept house with a nice pool for the summers, and a flower garden. It would all be wonderful and peaceful and full of love if it could come true.

Unfortunately, she had never met a man before who could see through her physical deformities to the little girl next door inside. Fortunately, her second biggest dream did come true: being a maid in a building where she could eat as much as she liked. Lucy couldn't really complain after all. Miss Kito's apartment always had the most delicious morsels…


	2. The Attack Continues

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

The Attack Continues

By virtue of his chosen profession as a criminal, Kuroro had many identities and personas stored in the infinitely vast mind of his that he could draw on when he needed to interact with _other_ people who weren't used to dead, soulless eyes staring straight into their minds. There was the 'nice and unthreatening guy', such as the persona he used in front of Neon Nostrad (known among the Ryodan as 'Dancho's lady-killer persona'). There was also his 'evil mastermind' persona which he had once used against a Hunter with a superhero complex. Suffice to say that playing this persona involved a lot of maniacal laughter and grandiose gestures. There were also the 'sexy vampire', the 'intellectual professor' and the 'innocent boy brought up by wolves' among others. What he had tended to find however, when in the presence of Midoya, was that he got drawn into her persona and, worse, got _stuck_ there.

Take for example, his sleep cycle. In general, Kuroro habitually slept four to five hours a night (less if there was a mission), from one in the morning to five or six. When he was with Midoya, he found himself adapting to her sleep cycle such that he fell asleep around midnight and woke up around seven in the morning. The increase in sleep-time left him feeling confusedly well-rested and refreshed, which was just strange.

Anyway, his current well-being was quite beside the point. The point was that this increase in sleeping time explained why he was still in bed when the attack came at dawn.

Perhaps fifteen minutes or so before six, a window broke. Like a feather floating on a gentle breeze, Kuroro's mind coasted slowly into half-consciousness. Voices, shouting threats and insults came from the living room. The stench of burning filled the air. The bed shifted and the warm bundle next to him moved off the bed.

Kuroro mumbled sleepily and rolled over.

An indeterminate amount of time later, someone pounced onto Kuroro. The smell of perspiration, fear and oily scalp assured him it was not Midoya, so Kuroro swatted at the person with the self-righteousness of someone who doesn't deserve to be dragged out of bed for anything less than awesome, kinky sex.

"Fuck!" the odourous person above him exclaimed, obviously not having expected to find someone else in the room.

"Gweroff," Kuroro replied eloquently.

"Fuck!" the person exclaimed again, this time because someone else had just yanked him off the bed with a good deal of violence.

"Don't disturb my guest," Kuroro heard Midoya scold and then the person sounded a lot less vulgar and a lot deader.

Kuroro mumbled something that might have been 'encyclopaedia' with drowsy approval and went back to sleep.

Yet another indeterminate amount of time later, Kuroro half-woke to someone grabbing his hair and then holding something sharp and pointy to his neck. On the off chance that it might be Midoya initiating activities of a rough and sexual nature, Kuroro half-opened his eyes and stared at the hand in front of him. Unless Midoya had a sudden surge of testosterone that had resulted in muscular, _hairy_ hands and had suddenly lost the ability to choose good quality knives, the person holding him was, in all likelihood, notMidoya.

"What are you doing?" Kuroro asked. At least that's what it sounded like in his sleep-addled mind. Out loud, it sounded more like, "Huh?"

"Hold still," a rough, masculine voice said in his ear. "I do not know who you are or what you are doing here, but I assure you that I am on the side of justice. I regret the necessity of taking you hostage but our foe, the…" And it was at this point the person holding him stopped talking, mainly because Midoya had just removed his head from his neck.

"It is rather difficult to talk when your mouth is no longer attached to your neck," Kuroro commented. At least that's what he thought he did. A few seconds later, he realized he had said, "Blurgh."

"Sorry for that. I'll try to keep the fight in the living room," Midoya said, tenderly brushed blood off his face then vanished.

"It's okay," Kuroro replied in his mind and went back to sleep.

Towards the end of the battle, probably closer to seven than six, someone shook Kuroro into a state of half-wakefulness.

"Please stop her," a frantic voice pleaded. "Please! I don't know who you are, but you are her friend right? Please… please tell her to stop! She's killing us all! Just… just tell her we're sorry! That we'll leave her alone! We'll… we'll pay her to stop! Any amount! Anything she asks for! Just tell her to stop killing us!"

Kuroro's brows furrowed in a frown. "Is Midoya on a killing spree? My goodness, she will have to call on Lucy again which is really unpleasant, as efficient as the dear woman is. But come now, you really do deserve to be killed. I am a powerful Nen-user myself, but even I would think twice about going against someone as powerful and as influential as Midoya. That you chose to go against her only proves that you are stupid and should be erased from the surface of the earth. However, I am a benevolent person and in the sort of merciful mood that sometimes compel me to volunteer at animal shelters, so I will give you some advice. At this point, you have to cease to think of Midoya as human and, instead, think of her as a wild animal. As even a man of your inferior intellectual level can guess, it is useless trying to rationalise with a wild animal. The best thing to do is thus to play dead. Simply lie on your back and expose your neck to her. That is the classic body posture of surrender. Midoya doesn't really kill for fun and she can be surprisingly soft-hearted if you don't give her reason to not be so. Hence, if you are really sincere and enthusiastic about your surrender, she'll probably let you live."

Satisfied with his answer, Kuroro closed his eyes expecting to be left alone so he could go back to sleep.

"Wait! Don't…" the person shrieked and then died.

"Oh. I forgot to say that out loud," Kuroro realized then yawned and turned over on his side.

Next to him, the bed depressed slightly and something warm and soft pressed against him. "There's still half an hour to seven," Midoya's voice murmured softly. "I'll call Lucy after we wake up."

Satisfied, Kuroro mumbled something that may have been of a warm and fuzzy nature, and then fell asleep.

* * *

The next time the Hunter's Association attacked, Kuroro was sitting on the suspiciously clean and stain-free couch reading a fascinating novel of Midoya's about a dog that _could talk_ (a Nen-user perhaps, Kuroro guessed, or a genetically-mutated creature, no doubt the victim of cruel experiments; he would have to read to find out). This time, the Hunter's Association did not bother with a massive, huge-scale attack on the penthouse. Given how they have failed _twice_, Kuroro guessed they had finally realized that throwing meat at Midoya was not going to kill her. If anything, it only inspired her to greater forms of cruel creativity, like holding competitions with Kuroro to see who can throw a decapitated head the furthest (Kuroro won, but only by cheating). This time the Hunter's Association actually came up with something relatively intelligent – they sent a lone Hunter when Midoya was not at home, having taken advantage of the break to replenish her food supplies.

When the presence Kuroro had sensed climbing up the side of the penthouse reached the window, he had looked up to observe the Hunter climbing in. It turned out to be a young man with dark brown hair and large hazel eyes framed by long, dark lashes. Politely closing the window, the young man looked up and caught Kuroro's eyes. A likeable boyish smile spread across his face, producing dimples. "Hi," he said cheerily.

"Hello," Kuroro responded politely, just in case he was Midoya's friend.

"I'm Quinn," the young man said, his body language relaxed, even friendly. "I'm from the Hunter's Association."

"A pleasure. Midoya isn't in now…"

"I know that," Quinn said frankly. "I was not looking for Miss Kito. I was looking for you actually."

Kuroro eyed the young man over the top of his book. "May I ask why?"

"Of course. But first, may I take a seat?" Kuroro watched the young man point a little shyly at the loveseat.

"Be my guest."

"Right!" Smiling, Quinn dropped down on the loveseat and crossed his legs, dangling foot bouncing energetically. "Well, you see, the reason I wanted to speak with you is because you are a bit of an enigma with the Hunter's Association now." He dimpled again. "You see, we've noticed you for a while now. You turned up towards the end of Operation Nutcracker and you've been staying here since. However, though you haven't taken part in any of the fighting, you don't seem alarmed by the blood and the vast number of corpses."

"Oh, you are greatly mistaken. I am _terribly_ alarmed by all the dead bodies. I once woke up next to a dead body lying next to me _snoring_. A horrible experience, as you can imagine, given how corpses shouldn't be making noises like that. Fortunately, it turned out to be Midoya asleep next to me."

"All you seem to do," Quinn went on, ignoring his comment, "is sit around reading. We also noted that you seem to have some kind of sexual relationship with Miss Kito, since you have been spotted sleeping in her bed. Also, you bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain criminal, a Kuroro Lucifer from the Genei Ryodan…"

"Never heard of him," Kuroro said immediately, glad that he left his hair hanging loose and his tattoo covered most of the time he was here.

"We didn't think so," Quinn reassured him. "Miss Kito may be a murderer, a thief, an improper woman and have the most unsavoury associations with the Mafia, but she has no history of associating with fringe criminals like the Genei Ryodan. That is, criminals who make no attempt to assimilate into society at all. That is understandable; such criminals are very dangerous and unpredictable, and trying to associate with them would be too risky even for someone as ah… adventurous as Miss Kito. Besides…"

"Besides?"

Quinn coughed, his face flushing slightly. "Well, we happen to have surveillance footage of your… ah… bedtime activities, and we have noted that you are fully… functional… in terms of… erm… masculine equipment. We happen to have quite reliable information that Kuroro Lucifer… is not."

"So I've heard," Kuroro agreed ambiguously. This is why people needed to lie more often; you never know when a lie will come back to save you.

"If you don't mind me asking then," Quinn went on, "who are you?"

Kuroro put the book down and regarded the young man closely. Quinn responded by dimpling again in an absolutely endearing smile. Kuroro returned the favour with a smile that was as charming and as sincere, and made a note to _never trust this man_. "I am Midoya's lover," he replied, "as your ah… spies? Let's call them 'watchers'. As your 'watchers' have noticed, I have a relationship with Midoya... of sorts. We have excellent sex. We discuss poetry. Occasionally, we make bad jokes about psychoanalysis. It's a very simple relationship."

"That is very brave of you," Quinn commented, sounding partly horrified, partly impressed and perhaps just a tiny bit envious. "Not many men would dare to date Miss Kito. Not that there is anything wrong with her per se. She just happens to have a history of ending relationships badly." He stopped and waited for Kuroro to make the first move.

Kuroro barely hesitated. "What happened?" he asked, not just taking the bait but swallowing it whole.

Quinn spread his hands. "I don't want to bad mouth Miss Kito in front of you," he said, sounding genuinely concerned, "but perhaps it is only right I let you know what you're getting into." He stopped and tugged at his collar, looking upset and awkward. "Her first boyfriend was a young Hunter," he said slowly. "He was a good Hunter, perhaps a little too ah… quick with the ladies, but not a bad man overall. However, some kind of dispute took place between him and Miss Kito about two months after they first started dating. We found his body buried in the York Shin park. It was in a… deplorable state."

"He attacked her," Kuroro said immediately. "Midoya told me about it. He called her fat and weak. Did you know that? It was a rather stupid comment to make. If he had any physical contact with Midoya at all, he would be well aware of the amount of muscle hidden under that deceptive layer of fat. Speaking of which, I can't decide if Midoya is naturally prone to maintaining that layer or if she grows it to deceive her enemies. The way she consumes those ghastly chocolate bars probably suggests the latter. Anyway, that is quite beside the point. The point is it is so silly of that man to say she is weak when she isn't. It's like saying water is dry when it's not. I really cannot comprehend such an illogical and irrational statement at all. The sheer idiocy of the man would have led any sane, rational and morally upright person to remove him from the face of the world."

Quinn blinked. "Oh," he said awkwardly. "Well, that was her first boyfriend. Her second boyfriend was a young man from the Mafia. As he wasn't from the circles we move in, we aren't sure what happened. What we do know was that he was found dead shortly after they started dating. It seemed that he was buried alive in a tomb with enough food for a month. Forensic evidence suggests that he went insane and clawed his own jugular open with his nails." The expression on the young Hunter's face suggested it wasn't a pretty sight. Unfortunately for him, Kuroro had seen people do worse things to themselves.

"He tried to auction her blood on the black market," Kuroro informed the young man dismissively. "When she found out, he decided to capture her so she retaliated, quite mildly I felt. He would have done worst to her. He would have sold her body parts on the black market or auctioned her as a slave. Not that he would have succeeded of course. Midoya dear does tend to react badly to people trying to _control_ her, and quite rightly so."

Quinn blinked again. "Well," he said uneasily. "That's… that's true, I suppose."

"Is that all?" Kuroro asked mildly. "I would have expected someone like Midoya to have had more boyfriends. Hardly what you would expect of an… ah… _improper_ woman."

The bright, youthful façade cracked. It wasn't much but Kuroro caught a glimpse of something malicious and wrathful beneath the dimpled smiles and the sparkling hazel eyes. "Yes, that is all, at least as far as we know," the young man said, smiling widely. "It seems you are well aware of her dating history, which is good. However, regardless of how much her ex-boyfriends deserved their fates, it is rather alarming that all her past lovers have ended up dead just months after dating her." The young man leaned forward, eyes shining with earnestness. "I fear for you, good sir, even though I see you don't trust me enough to tell me your name. I firmly believe that once Miss Kito tires of you, you will end up dead. Hence, I strongly encourage you to break up with her while you still can. On the other hand, believe me, even if you tried to break off the relationship, she will come for you and kill you. There is only one way to save yourself now, and that is to take advantage of the Hunter's Association's attacks on Miss Kito to rid yourself of her before she decides to do it herself."

"How much time?"

"Like I said," Quinn repeated, just a tad impatiently. "Her boyfriends all end up dead months into their relationships. How long have you been dating Miss Kito? Days? Weeks? How much time do you have before she kills you too? Don't you think you should take pre-emptive measures against her?"

"We've been together as sexual partners for three years, on and off," Kuroro replied honestly. "And she has only tried to kill me a handful of times. She apologized after each time too. I don't really see the point in killing someone as pleasant as Midoya. Besides, I did try to kill her once and she was incredibly understanding about it. Circumstances forced my hand, and she recognized that. She really is quite a sweet woman once you get to know her."

Abruptly the smile transformed into a furious scowl. "Fucker, you really don't know what's good for you, do you?" Quinn snarled. It seemed Kuroro had finally crushed the façade. "Since you wouldn't take the fucking hint, let me put it this way." Quinn leaned forward again, but his attitude was no longer friendly; it was hostile and aggressive. Violently, he smacked the book off Kuroro's lap. "Either you do things the fast way and help us get rid of Kito, or you sit up here and die with her when we finally nuke her fucking apartment. You choose, asshole."

Kuroro sighed. "You know, Quinn," he said disappointedly, reaching behind with his right hand to draw out another book, "I know another Hunter who swears like you, especially when he is angry. Where there's a comma or a period, he uses a swear word. It is grammatically incorrect and very annoying. You have the same tendency to do that. However, there is one big difference between you and him."

"What? He's a pussy and I'm not?"

"No my good man, the Hunter I know is obviously human, not feline. The last I heard, non-humans do not take the Hunter's Exam." Kuroro smiled faintly at the furious look on the man's face. "The one big difference is that he knows who he can afford to piss off and who he shouldn't, and so as vulgar as he is with me, he would never _dare_ to seriously threaten me unless he sees me as a threat in the first place. That is not a sign of cowardice. That is a sign of a working brain."

"Wh…" Quinn began than broke off sharply, probably because he couldn't breathe anymore since the Nen fish that had been chomping on him for a while had finally reached his lungs. His eyes widened in horror as he stared numbly down at his body. The Nen fish had eaten most of him, leaving only his head, neck and large portions of his chest. The large hazel eyes flickered back to Kuroro, wide with terror and a dawning recognition of inevitability

"You are wondering why you didn't feel it, why you still don't feel anything," Kuroro noted. "It's a Nen fish, designed to live only in enclosed indoor spaces. It is carnivorous and especially enjoys human flesh. When bitten, the victim does not feel anything and will not die until the Nen fish dies." He smiled inimically as the Nen fish circled gracefully around him before gliding towards the frozen figure and taking another large bite. "Normally by this time, I would have made the Nen fish disappear and end my victim's torture," Kuroro said, picking the fallen novel off the floor and putting it back on his lap. "However, in this case, we happen to be in Midoya's living room and ending your plight now will mean a big mess here. Hence, I think I will just let the Nen fish consume you entirely so as to avoid having to see dear Lucy clean up the mess." Smiling gently at the flickering insane eyes, Kuroro returned to the novel. "Relax," he murmured soothingly as the Nen fish took another bite, "it will only be a minute or two more. Just a _bit _more..."

* * *

After the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of One Star Blacklist Hunter Quinn, the attacks on Midoya's penthouse ceased. That didn't mean that they had given up, as seen by the number of watchers and heavy artillery accumulating around the building, but no one tried to actually enter the penthouse. Undoubtedly they were planning something, as seen by the increase in number of dark figures darting around neighbouring buildings. However, nothing had come to fruit yet. So, in a sudden flash of domesticity, Kuroro decided to cook dinner for them.

"Goodness," Midoya had commented when she exited the bathroom to find the houselights dimmed and her dining table lit with candles and decorated with flowers. "Is there a blackout? That's odd. I'm sure Julius is guarding the generator from the Hunter's Association."

"No, I switched off the lights," Kuroro replied, arranging cutlery on the dining table carefully.

"You switched off the lights? Why would you do that? It's too dark to read now."

"I am trying to be romantic," Kuroro explained patiently. "I read in one of your novels that darkness is apparently very romantic, probably because it's easier to idealize another person when you can't see the other person's flaws, like wrinkles and scars."

"Darkness? Romantic? What do you mean by… oh. Oh!" Midoya smiled widely, looking slightly disturbed. "Right! Romantic! I see. I am a little slow on the uptake. My most sincere apologies and all that jazz. Yes! I see it now. The darkness is very… very ah… romantic."

"I'm glad you appreciate it," Kuroro replied pleased that Midoya had finally caught up with him (she wasn't usually so slow, but perhaps the stress of the attack on her penthouse had gotten to her). "Take a seat. Here's a rose for you."

"Thank you. Isn't this from the plastic bouquet I keep in the kitchen?"

"Well yes. I always felt plastic flowers are so much better than fresh flowers, which only last a day or two. And since it came from your kitchen, I already know you like it. It is, I feel, the perfect gift."

"Such irrefutable logic. Thank you, it is very nice." Midoya continued smiling as Kuroro swept a platter of bread and cheese in front of her.

"Wine," he murmured, pouring an appropriate amount into her tea cup (he couldn't find a wine glass).

"Thank you dear," Midoya replied, sounding a tinge more relaxed. "Did you prepare all this? My, my, you are as talented as the Hunter website claims."

"You are too kind," Kuroro said, sipping wine out of an espresso cup. "Is the food to your liking? Oh, what am I asking? It came from your fridge; of course you like it."

"Of course," Midoya agreed, looking amused for some reason or another. It was entirely possible she found cheese funny. Midoya did tend to have the oddest sense of humour. "I assume this is the appetizer. What is the main course?"

"Medium-rare steak with _foie gras_ and mustard greens in duck _jus_," Kuroro told her.

"_Foie gras_? You are quite a chef aren't you? And how on earth did you obtain _foie gras_ without leaving the building?"

"I have my little secrets, Midoya. Would you like to try the main course?"

"Gladly." There was a brief silence as Kuroro watched Midoya spear a piece of steak and put it in her mouth. Then Midoya stared over a cheek-full of meat at him, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Marry me," she moaned.

"That is impossible. Marriage is a legal process which means I can't get married since I don't exist legally."

"Mmmm. True. Well, it's not like we need marriage for you to cook dinner for me again."

"That is true." Kuroro paused to eat a piece of bread. "Just out of curiosity, did I just buy your eternal loyalty with a plate of steak?"

"Not just any steak, _delicious steak_."

"You are startling easy to buy off."

"I may be rich, but I have learned that money can't buy you everything. Unknown to most, one of the things money can't buy you is a filling, delicious plate of steak."

"Ah. If only the Hunter's Association knew."

It was at that moment that something exploded right outside Midoya's window. Whistling, the bright explosive shot towards Midoya's window, tapped against the glass before bouncing off with a breathless wheeze. Both of them turned to regard the dying flare thoughtfully as it sizzled out with a tiny, pathetic cough.

"That's an awfully lousy explosive, even for the Hunter's Association," Midoya commented, chewing.

"I could not agree more," Kuroro agreed full-heartedly. "I would have chosen something with a little more… ah… collateral damage."

"_Ahem,"_ a slightly prissy voice echoed distantly. _"Have we got your attention, my dear Midoya? Can you hear me? Hello? Midoya? Can. You. Hear. Me?"_

"No," Midoya muttered, stuffing steak into her mouth.

"_Now, now, no need to be rude. And yes, I know you were being rude. I am reading your lips through a telescope. Oh yes, this is Quincy on the bull horn by the way. You do remember me, don't you?"_

"Hello Quincy," Midoya said with a sigh. "I recognized your voice. How's your research into the effects of the environment on a person's potential to develop Nen abilities without guidance?"

"_Ah! I am glad you asked, child! It is going fantastically! We found a brand new research subject, a young boy named Zames who has been painting portraits using Nen. It's quite fascinating really because his paintings can only be seen using Gyo. Much more research needs to be done, and we're only in the middle of our tests, but I have a strong hypothesis that there is a strong connection between the quality of mineral salts in the diet, specifically… what? Oh… oh yes, right. I got distracted. My dear child, will you be so good as to turn on your television? The Hunter's Association has a broadcast they want you to see." _

"I don't own a television. I watch all my shows and movies on the Net on my laptop."

"_Oh… oh well…"_ The voice faltered then died an uncertain and hesitant death. There were the faint sounds of urgent discussions then the voice said, _"That is terribly inconsiderate of you dear, but no problem. We're sending a television up to your penthouse. Do plug it in and switch to Channel 4." _

"Fine," Midoya sighed. "Send it up."

"_Of course. It's on its way up on a crane. Do try not to spoil the crane. I know the horrible effect you have on the equipment around you. I still have not been able to replace the Nen-measuring machine you broke."_

"It tried to eat me, Quincy."

"_Oh, rubbish! Of course it did not. Don't say things like that. You are too smart to sprout such nonsense. It merely malfunctioned so the pincers holding you in place almost crushed you to death. In no way did it intend to consume you in anyway whatsoever. Really now, you should know better than to indulge in the primitive act of anthropomorphizing inanimate objects."_

"Of course. The fact that you installed an artificial brain in it has nothing to do with how it 'malfunctioned'," Midoya said dryly. Glancing at the expression of curiosity on Kuroro's face, she murmured, "Quincy and I have a history. I was, for a brief period of time, the subject of his experiments. I developed _Gyo_ as a toddler without any guidance and he wanted to find out why."

"You allowed yourself to be the subject of a science experience?"

Midoya shrugged. "I was curious too," she said vaguely. "I quit after a week because the research was not going anywhere and I needed to catch a bounty."

"I see."

They reassumed eating in silence, each absorbed in their thoughts until something thudded against the ledge of Midoya's window. Without speaking, they got up together and heaved the small television into the room. As instructed, they plugged it in then turned it on to Channel Four as instructed.

Static stuttered across the screen then a block of apartment buildings came into focus. Even with the bad visuals, Kuroro managed to see the beautiful cream walls and maroon roofs. He recognized it immediately though he had only been there for a very brief period of time. It was Pepeka Timbal's apartment. As they watched, confused and angry people were evacuated from the building by solemn and angry people. Then the building was surrounded by people bearing the crest of the Hunter's Association. The implications were clear.

"_Ahem. Midoya dear? What you are seeing now is broadcast live from your disciple's apartment. At this very moment, he is surrounded by some of our best bounty hunters. If you surrender now, we wouldn't launch an attack against him. Don't worry, the young man living at your place now can go free too, as long as you come down and surrender yourself to the Hunter's Association."_

Kuroro glanced at Midoya's face. Her eyes were still fixed on the image on the television but her face was blank and unreadable.

"Just out of curiosity," she finally said, "what do you gain from this, Quincy? I've never known you to take to the field so enthusiastically before."

"_Why, the chance to research you, of course. As a live legal subject, you have the right to terminate the experiments whenever you want. If you are a prisoner or dead, you don't have a say at all."_

"I thought so," Midoya noted, nodding. "Well then." She stopped again and regarded the screen thoughtfully. "You are not very intelligent, Quincy," she said mildly.

"_Excuse me?"_

"I said you are not very intelligent," Midoya repeated, her voice still calm and smooth. "That is my disciple you are attempting to take hostage. Do you think any disciple of mine will be so weak he can be defeated by your mediocre bounty hunters?"

"_What on earth…"_ the outraged voice squeaked just as the image on the television suddenly jumped. A battle cry, muffled by bad acoustics, sounded from the television then the door to Pepeka's apartment blew open and a very pissed off, very muscular six foot four man stood there burning with Nen. His mouth moved as he shouted something that the camera did not pick up. Fortunately, both Midoya and Kuroro could lip-read and what he said was very clear.

'_Fuck them, sensei! Don't surrender to those motherfuckers no matter what happens! Trying to use me against sensei…! I'm gonna give them hell for this!'_

"Atta boy," Midoya murmured proudly as Pepeka's tinny battle roar squeaked through the cheap speakers and he charged down the corridor, throwing bounty hunters off the building like they were made of paper. When he reached the stairwell, he paused and the Nen around him intensified into brilliant sunrays. When the image stopped sizzling with static, Pepeka was no longer standing there. Instead, there was a knight in full medieval armour, wielding a _massive_ lance and a horse; a real horse with an intricately-designed saddle, bulging muscles and a glorious flowing mane.

"What on earth is that?" Kuroro questioned dubiously as the medieval knight charged down the stairwell on horseback, tunnelling through the hunters on the stairs, leaving a trail of squishy red things behind.

"That is Pepeka's power," Midoya replied nonchalantly. "The Knight's Oath."

"The Knight's Oath?" Kuroro asked, raising an eyebrow. "He just materialized full medieval armour and a horse. That makes him a Materialization Type. I didn't… expect that."

Midoya's lips quirked in a brief smile. "Everyone always assumes Pepeka is Reinforcement because of the way he looks. And while he does have much talent in the field of Reinforcement, my dear Pepe-chan is, in actual fact, Materialization, as you have noticed."

"Right." Silently, they watched Pepeka reach the bottom of the stairwell where his horse reared up on its hind legs, neighing defiantly at the battalion below. Pepeka reared with his horse, holding his lance high in challenge, helmeted head tossed back in a heroic pose.

"_For my sensei, I shall slay you motherfucking villains!"_ Pepeka's voice squealed valiantly through the speakers.

"Well…" Midoya commented, wincing with embarrassment under Kuroro's piercing stare.

"I assume Pepeka is very into chivalry."

"Well, yes…"

"And romantic notions of servitude to a lord."

"Yes."

"And fighting dragons and saving virgin princesses from tall, unpractical towers."

"That is correct."

"And you never did anything to discourage him?" Kuroro looked pointedly at her.

Midoya's face, due to severe acne, was always quite red to begin with. In contrast, the rest of her skin was usually so pale it was practically transparent. Now, her ears were even redder than her face. It was, Kuroro realized gleefully, a _blush_. Midoya June Kito was _blushing_. For the first time in his life, Kuroro wished he had listened to Shalnark and gotten a phone with a camera function. "I tried to," she muttered defensively. "Every time I told him that the ideas he had for his powers were a little… fanciful, he got so... _bad_ at Nen. It's like he couldn't focus on anything, even the most basic of skills."

"So you did the opposite," Kuroro deduced, summoning up his blankest poker face. "You _encouraged_ his obsession with brave knights dying for their lords and saving virgin princesses. What did you do?"

Midoya sighed embarrassedly. "I let him read _Ivanhoe_ and the works of Tennyson among others," she mumbled, giving him a glare that just dared him to make further comments.

But of course, as Dancho of the infamous Genei Ryodan, Kuroro had more than his fair share of guts. Kuroro rubbed his mouth to hide the smile. "My dear Midoya," he teased, "my rational, practical Midoya teaching her sweet little disciple about _romance_, _knights_, _princesses_, _honour_ and, unbelievably, the_ value of chastity_. Surely you have had enough orgasms to know that the value of chastity is _highly_ overrated and…"

"Kuroro!" Midoya groaned. "Let's just watch the fight in peace, shall we?"

"Alright," Kuroro grinned, hiding his amusement with a cough.

Midoya gave him another glare, just to prove that she wasn't fooled then they returned to the television. On screen, Pepeka was already cleaning up the hunters. The remaining fighters had scattered before him. A few tried to circle around and attack him from the back, but his horse kicked violently at them, sending them flying away. Someone attempted to leap at him from on top. Pepeka raised his lance and the poor fellow ended up speared through. With a practiced move, Pepeka flicked the body off his lance and pointed it at another Hunter, shouting, _"Come to your death, if you dare!"_

Grimacing, Midoya sank lower into the couch and scowled at her knees.

"It is a very powerful ability," Kuroro commented neutrally. "I assume, since he is Materialization, that there are hidden abilities in the weapons he has materialized that he has yet to demonstrate."

"Yes," Midoya replied, her voice still a little frosty.

"But you're more powerful," Kuroro offered as a peace-giving.

"But of course," Midoya replied grudgingly.

"Shall I serve dessert while we watch?"

"Yes, please," Midoya replied, her expression brightening up and Kuroro knew all was forgiven.

On screen, the hunters were fleeing, dragging their injured away in the face of Pepeka's knightly wrath. Outside the penthouse, the prissy voice continued to shout as Hunters milled about, trying to figure out what to do. In the penthouse, the besieged pair enjoyed a delicious dark chocolate soufflé with orange zest.

Then the Hunter's Association got really, _really_ smart.

* * *

A/N: I apologize if Kuroro seems slightly OC. Hell, I think even Midoya seems slightly OC. But I feel like they're reached this point in their relationship where they can tease each other and rile each other up without breaking out into actual bloodshed. That's just what I think anyway. Hope you guys still enjoyed the chapter.

Trivial: The sudden disappearance of Single Star Hunter Quinn had sparked a long and controversial debate on what exactly had happened to him. Since Quinn's job had been to convince Midoya's unknown roommate to join their cause, all the watchers and cameras had been removed to avoid spooking the mysterious man, hence no one had seen what had happened to Quinn. Some said that Midoya had come home earlier than expected, spotted Quinn and killed him (the method she used was a matter of great debate too). Others insisted that they would have spotted Midoya if she had come home earlier, and that in all likelihood, the mysterious young man had done something to him. Yet others still argued that the mysterious young man had not demonstrated any hostile intentions towards the association before so it was unlikely he would attack a Single Star Hunter of all people. It was more likely the aliens living in the skies above York Shin had taken the young man.

In the end, no one ever found out what had happened to him. However, for several weeks after that, there were more UFO sightings in York Shin than there had ever been in an entire year. There were also multiple sightings of the ghost of Single Star Hunter Quinn walking streets of York Shin and asking people if they had seen his balls. A male prostitute had his fifteen minutes of fame when he claimed that he _was_ Single Star Hunter Quinn, that Midoya had his DNA changed and then sold him into prostitution. (It was the prostitute's mother, calling during one of his interviews by the daily news to berate him for lying that blew the young man's claim.)

When Midoya asked Kuroro what had happened to Quinn, he simply told her, "I fed him to a Nen fish which I had stolen from a young woman by brutally torturing the details of her power out of her." In Midoya's expert opinion, the truth turned out to be a lot scarier than the fiction.


	3. Influenza, Quincy and

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Also, some people have sent me PMs asking the order in which the Midoya-series (known as The Series series) should be read. They are as below:

First is "A Series of Beautiful Contradictions"

"A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events"

"A Series of Politically Inappropriate Happenings"

Short story "A Series of Simply Adorable and Confusing Things" features Midoya, but not Kuroro (except at the very end), and is set sometime in the beginning of "A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events".

"A Series of Enlightening First Meetings" does not feature Midoya and is, arguably, not set in Midoya's universe.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Influenza, Quincy and the True Definition of Monstrosity

The most devastating attack of the entire campaign came around the time Kuroro decided to do the laundry.

Normally, Kuroro was not the type of person to do laundry at home. This was largely because the clothes he wore were never meant to be machine-washed. Evidently, leather and fur did not mix well with violent, jerky motions and cheap detergent. Hence, Kuroro tended to make use of the nearest laundry services whenever he could. Since Midoya wore easy to wash clothes, she did own a washing machine. However, given how busy she was lately, doing the laundry must be at the bottom of her priority list.

At least that was the conclusion Kuroro reached when he wandered into the kitchen and found a large pile of bloody clothing sitting in the middle of the floor.

"Goodness," he muttered, staring at the pile on the floor. Pivoting, he turned towards the living room and called, "Midoya! When was the last time you did your laundry?"

"I'm not sure!" Midoya shouted back. "Perhaps two weeks ago?"

"Why did you not…" Kuroro began then trailed off as he watched Midoya strangle three grown men each easily twice her size at the same time.

"Why did I not what?" Midoya questioned, peering at him from between her legs.

"Never mind," Kuroro told her considerately. "Carry on with what you're doing."

Now, Kuroro was left with the option of leaving a pile of bloody, torn clothing rotting away near the place where he normally cooked, or he could do the laundry. Deciding that having a clean, hygienic area for food preparation was more important than trying to figure out the ending of the novel (it turns out the dog's voice was only in the protagonist's head; does that mean the protagonist is insane? Is there any other possible reason why the protagonist would imagine his dog could talk? And why would the novel end with the happy resolution of the boy's trauma caused by his parent's divorce if he was _insane_? Was insanity perhaps… oh wait, laundry), Kuroro rolled up his sleeves and got down to the job of figuring out _how_ to use a washing machine.

Fortunately, Kuroro Lucifer is a brilliant and intelligent young man, so the technology of it all wasn't much of an issue. It took him a little while to locate the laundry detergent (it was under the sink) and the fabric softener (it was under a different sink, in a different room, in a different apartment; he later realized that Midoya didn't use fabric softener, and that he had just stolen the bottle from her neighbour, who had happily evacuated his apartment at the first signs of trouble). After gingerly picking up the soiled clothing and tossing them in the appropriate part of the machine (he assumed, through clever deduction, that it was the large hollow in the machine), he switched it on and that was it.

Half an hour later found Kuroro lugging a basket of wet laundry to the window past Midoya battling a troupe of what appeared to be highly-trained ninja monkeys materialized out of Nen. "Thanks Kuroro!" she called out as he passed. "Just hang them by the window to dry! I have hooks outside the window!"

"Okay," Kuroro responded, absent-mindedly dodging a badly thrown _shuriken_. "You may want to find the Nen-user," he suggested as a decapitated monkey rose from the dead. "If you don't stop the Nen-user, the monkeys will just keep coming back."

"Excellent idea," Midoya agreed, kicking a monkey out of the window where gravity did its job but death didn't, given how the monkey simply jumped back up and started to climb up the building.

Nodding, Kuroro stopped at the window and bent down to start taking wet clothing out of the basket. The moment he straightened up, he was hit in the face by something that exploded in a cloud of white dust.

Gaping in shock, Kuroro reached up and touched his face. It was now covered with a light layer of powder. "What…" he began then broke off when he discovered he couldn't talk and sneeze at the same time.

"Kuroro?" Midoya questioned, dragging the screaming Nen-user out of the room he was hiding in and tossing him out of the window. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Kuroro frowned. "I'm not sure," he said and sneezed again. Then he coughed.

"Kuroro?" Midoya repeated, looking a little more worried.

"I'm fine," Kuroro muttered, waving irritably at the cloud of white powder around him. "It's just the dust."

"If you say so," Midoya complied doubtfully.

One hour later, he was still sneezing and coughing.

Two hours later, his throat started to hurt.

Three hours later… "Kuroro, you have a fever," Midoya said, touching his forehead. "I think you have the flu."

"Nonsense," Kuroro replied immediately. "I've never been sick a day in my life. Not even after that time I ate radioactive flowers, which killed off all the people living in my encampment then, but not me. Besides, the incubation period for the flu is seven days, and I assure you I have not been near a sick person within the past week."

"You _have_ a fever," Midoya insisted. "Your face is flushed, your hands are clammy and you sound just like any car I've ever driven. You should go to bed."

"I do not sound like a motor vehicle being tortured to death," Kuroro protested then sneezed again. "I'm fine. You are the one who is obviously experiencing problems," he sniffed. "Why are there two of you? Did you learn to produce a doppelganger of yourself because I once mentioned I thought it would be very educational to have a threesome with you?"

"Good lord, I thought this only happened in movies and very bad fiction. No, Kuroro, there's only one of me here."

"Are you sure? Because I am quite certain I can see two of you."

"That's because you are _sick_, Kuroro."

"But I've _never_ been sick…"

Midoya stared at him. Then she smiled. "Kuroro dear," she said very softly, "are you questioning my judgement?"

"Uh… no?"

"So you agree that you are sick and should retire to the bedroom to rest?" Her smile widened and something in Kuroro flinched and smiled at the same time.

"Okay," he mumbled reluctantly. "If you insist." He tried to stand up but the world foiled his attempt by swirling sideways. Then he realized that it wasn't the world that was being uncooperative, but his head, which seemed to have gotten heavier since the last time he had to lift it up. "Hey, I'm lying on your floor," he commented in surprise. "I can see lingerie under your couch. It's cute. Why haven't I ever seen you wear that before?"

"Probably because it's been under the couch for a while, but let's leave that for later, shall we?" Midoya carefully pulled him to his feet. "Put your arm around me and let's get you to bed."

"Okay," Kuroro agreed, because it seemed easier than disagreeing. With some effort, they got him to the bedroom where Midoya lowered him as slowly as she could onto the bed, which turned out to be warmer and fluffier than Kuroro remembered.

"Are you comfortable?" Midoya asked, rearranging pillows and blankets around him.

"Yes," Kuroro replied dreamily. "I think we need to retexture your ceiling."

"Retexture my ceiling?"

"Mmm. With something soft… and fuzzy. Like… velvet. Velvet wallpapers. Blue velvet wallpapers."

"Oh dear," Midoya muttered, sounding horrified. "Well. I'm going to find an ice pack and some water. Just… stay put."

"Okay," Kuroro replied dreamily and then fell asleep.

When he woke up, there was a lukewarm ice pack on his head and an old man leaning over him, frizzy white hair almost tickling his nose.

"Ah-choo," Kuroro said in greeting and the old man winced.

"It seems you are the one who got infected by Influenza Virus Type Z-014," the old man said in a very familiar voice.

"Are you the ghost of someone I killed once?" Kuroro asked, trying to place the voice.

"No, I am Quincy," the old man said, looking down his nose at Kuroro. "That would be _Dr_ Quincy to you, young man."

"Okay," Kuroro agreed then the part of his mind that rebelled automatically against any form of authority reasserted itself by kicking violently at the back of his brain. That cleared some of the fever-induced haze in his mind and he sat up to get a better look at the old man peering at him short-sightedly. "You are the scientist Midoya mentioned. You said I was infected," he said, sniffling. "Explain." He briefly wondered where Midoya was, but the sound of intense fighting from the living room answered that for him.

"_Explain_ it to you?" the man called Quincy exclaimed, looking horrified. "My dear boy, your brain is hardly advanced enough to understand the biomechanics behind what has happened to you. Do you expect me to explain how I used a mixture of Nen and nanotechnology to alter the ribonucleic acid of the _Orthomyxoviridae_ genus Influenzavirus A to shorten the incubation period and… oh, you wouldn't be able to _understand_ it! It will take months before your inferior frontal lobe would be able to comprehend it all, if it ever does! Finding the perfect balance between Nen and nanotechnology is already complicated enough as it is. The specifics of how the combination alters the RNA at the most…"

"Then give me the layman's version of it," Kuroro interrupted, trying to ignore his throbbing head.

"Layman's version?" Kuroro would not have thought that screechy, prissy voice could go any higher. "How do you expect me to condense the advanced science of this into _layman terms_? It is impossible! Suffice it to be said that you are now down with the flu."

"I gathered as much," Kuroro said, keeping his annoyance out of his voice. "Now, let me try to clear things up, since you're doing nothing more than muddy the waters."

"Me? _Muddy_ the waters? How _dare…_"

"The blow I took to the face earlier this day," Kuroro interrupted, "it was a dose of an altered flu virus that was designed to manifest symptoms in the shortest time possible."

"Well _yes_. Isn't that what I just said?" Quincy whined. "And may I just add that the virus was meant for Midoya, not you. It was _very_ inconsiderate of you to get infected instead, young man_. Very_ inconsiderate."

Kuroro sighed and rubbed his aching temples. "Is this strain fatal?" he asked wearily.

"Well, that depends entirely on you, of course," Quincy said, looking interested now. "I can see that you are quite a strong Nen-user and undoubtedly fit and in the prime of life. The chances of you dying should be about twenty per cent, unless you happen to have a disease that affects your immune system or unless you are very unlucky and the infection spreads to your lungs. I did not make any alterations to the potency of the viral strain, despite calls to do otherwise. I would still prefer to capture my test subject alive. There are just some things you can't do with dead bodies."

"So this is a form of biological warfare," Kuroro concluded. "You wanted to infect Midoya with the flu to lower her fighting capabilities. Hopefully that would give the Hunter's Association the chance to attack her, perhaps even take her alive."

"Of course that's what happened," Quincy said impatiently. "Did it take you _that_ long to figure things out? Inferior frontal lobe, I say, _inferior_ and probably useless too. Now, take off your clothes."

Kuroro blinked. "Excuse me?" he demanded.

"What? Did you think I came all the way up here to watch you sleep and listen to your nonsensical prattling?" Quincy shook his head. "I came up here to observe the progression of my virus. So go on! Take off your clothes so I can do a thorough examination of you. This is the first time the virus has been tried on a human subject and I have no idea how fast the infection will advance in the human body. I'll need to take X-rays of your chest, most certainly and…"

"I am not letting you examine me," Kuroro protested stubbornly.

"Why not?" Quincy asked, looking surprised.

"You _infected_ me," Kuroro said, his voice coming out as a growl due to his sore throat, "you are the enemy. I have no reason to listen to you or do anything that would benefit you in any way."

"Oh, don't be irrational. It was all in the name of science. Don't be stubborn now. Off with your clothes." Thin, claw-like hands started to grope at him and Kuroro slapped them away.

"Go away," he growled, "or I will kill you."

"Stubborn, stubborn," Quincy scolded. "Don't make me come up there, boy."

Something in Kuroro snapped. The pounding in his head and the stuffed nose were not helpful in maintaining a peaceful state of mind. Besides, he _was_ sick, which gave him sufficient excuse to behave irrationally. So he whipped out his book and summoned the Nen fish.

"No!" Quincy said sharply, in the tone of voice one might use on a naughty puppy. Nen flooded the withered, hunched-over figure and a deformed humanoid figure appeared over Quincy, looming down over Kuroro menacingly. A face like a voodoo doll's split in a huge, pointy grin and thin Nen threads leapt out from curved claws, wrapping around Kuroro's arm. On its own, Kuroro's right hand clamped shut, closing the book along with it. Immediately, the Nen fish disintegrated with a frustrated howl.

"Ouch," Kuroro commented, eyeing the thin Nen strings that were now wrapped around him. Well, that was inconvenient.

"Now see what you made me do," Quincy groaned, looking disappointed. "Now I have to take exposure to my Nen into the equation when evaluating the evidence I collect from you. All you have accomplished, young man, is to complicate the matter. I hope you are ashamed of yourself. Now, let us get on with the examination. We really have wasted too much time."

Quincy advanced upon Kuroro, drawing a scalpel. On the general principle that men pointing pointy objects at him did not deserve to be treated with basic courtesy, Kuroro kicked him in the face.

"Stop that!" Quincy screeched, trying to dodge Kuroro's kick and ending up spinning wildly to the side.

"You stop that," Kuroro retorted, launching another swift kick that snapped the old man's head back sharply.

Fortunately, just as Kuroro's virtue was in danger, Midoya entered the bedroom, an automatic machine gun in her hands. She took one look at the situation and wordlessly turned the weapon on Quincy.

"No!" Quincy wailed in frustration and scuttled for the bedroom window just as Midoya opened fire.

Evidently the machine gun had been altered for Nen-users because the bullets that erupted from them were made of Nen. Glowing with Nen, Midoya advanced on the retreating figure, gun blazing furiously. However, the withered old man was fast for someone that old. He reached the window, paused only to declare that _he will be back_, and jumped out.

"Damn, almost got him," Midoya commented casually to her shredded curtains. She turned around and regarded Kuroro. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes," Kuroro replied, slumping over the pillows wearily. "I now have ample knowledge of how it feels like to be sick, and have made a resolution to _never_ be sick ever again." He closed his eyes, trying to breathe through his stuffed nose. After a while, he realized Midoya had not replied. With a great exertion of will, he forced his eyelids up so he could look at her. Midoya was looking at him, an odd expression on her face. It took Kuroro a while to realize what was wrong with her expression. "You're thinking seriously about something," he mumbled intelligently. "You're _worried. _You are _seriously_ worried. Oh dear, Midoya, I believe I am still hallucinating."

Midoya's eyes focused on him, eyebrows lifted slightly then she laughed. "Fear not, Kuroro. You are not hallucinating. I _am_ worried," she agreed. Briskly, she leaned forward and felt his forehead. "You'll be sick for another day or two," she commented.

"Just kill me," Kuroro replied with great dignity.

Instead of sticking a knife through his heart, Midoya said, "Cough syrup and aspirin", placing a bottle and a tube of pills on the bed stand. "Now, with regards to our slightly more immediate situation," she said thoughtfully, "the elections were null again."

"Again?" Kuroro mumbled, trying to read the instructions on the bottle, but failing because his mutinous eyes refused to cooperate by watering all over his cheeks.

"There were not enough votes to settle on a Chairman," Midoya explained. "This is the second time the elections have been held, and still no luck. Quite surprising really; given who is in the lead, I would have expected the elections to end really quickly in his favour. However, it seems the elections are going to continue for a while. That means the attacks aren't going to stop. I've tried everything I can to get out of this. I've sent out messages telling people to stop voting for me, but the only reply I got was that all hunters are candidates and I didn't have a say in who votes for me."

"Huh," Kuroro replied intelligently, wondering if he should just drink the whole bottle. What was the worst that could happen? Surely cough syrup wasn't as poisonous as arsenic (it was a long story, but Kuroro survived).

Finally noticing his dilemma, Midoya took the bottle from him a poured a little into a spoon. "They are going to keep attacking us," she repeated, feeding him the cough syrup. "And they will keep coming up with more creative ways to attack us. It is going to get more and more difficult to defend against them, especially since they have Quincy on their side. Take your illness, for example. If Quincy had been mean enough to use a fatal strand of the disease, you would be dead."

"Ack," Kuroro complained, gagging around the horrible-tasting liquid. His throat clenched up and threatened to spew the contents of his stomach over the bed.

"Swallow," Midoya ordered in a tone of voice that made Kuroro see how well she would wear the boots and whips.

Painfully, Kuroro held his breath and swallowed. Gagging again, he fumbled for a glass of water, glaring at Midoya. "Ack," he repeated, just in case she didn't realize the torture she was inflicting on him.

"It is time to change strategy," Midoya said, ignoring Kuroro's hurt and accusing stare. "We don't have the luxury of holding fort in here till the end of the elections, since we don't even know when the elections will end. It is always pointless to fight a war that only ends when your enemy wants it to. We need to regain the initiative in this little skirmish."

"You want to counter-attack?" Kuroro asked dizzily, trying to rinse the horrible taste out of his mouth with a glass of water. "Not a good idea." He paused. "I'll tell you why when I stop feeling so ill, because I can't remember why it's a bad idea at the moment."

Midoya fell silent again. "We'll see about that," she said finally. "In the meantime…" Smiling cruelly, she held out another spoonful of cough syrup, "you're supposed to take another spoonful."

"Kill me," Kuroro grumbled, "just _kill_ me."

* * *

A couple of days later, Kuroro woke up feeling a lot healthier and a lot less suicidal. For a moment, he lay absolutely still, revelling in the ability to _breathe_ easily. It was amazing how a bout of illness can open one's eyes to what is truly important in life. All this time, Kuroro had been rampaging around stealing things and murdering people, he could have been devoting his life to other things with more meaning; like getting rid of the flu. He was certain if the Ryodan put their minds to it, they would be able to get rid of the flu virus forever and he wouldn't have to suffer from this horrible illness ever again. The clue, he mused, was probably not in destroying the virus but in altering it so it wouldn't affect _him_…

With that happy thought in mind, Kuroro sluggishly crawled out of bed, determined to rinse the taste of disease and stale cough syrup out of his mouth. Stumbling a little, he dragged himself lethargically towards the bathroom, bypassing Midoya stabbing a woman in the back and Pepeka crushing the skull of a full grown lion. Yawning, he entered the bathroom and splashed water onto his face. After completing the necessary morning rituals, he dragged himself out.

"Good morning, Kuroro," Midoya said pleasantly, pushing a corpse under her dining table for future disposable. "You are looking much better today."

"Good morning Midoya," he replied. "Yes, I am feeling much better." He paused as his mind reprocessed the scene before him and informed him there was a person there that wasn't previously there. "Hello Pepeka. What are you doing here?" he asked belatedly, as the humanoid-shaped hole in his universe finally condensed into the form of a tall, extremely muscular man in a plain muscle-tee and jeans.

"Wow," Pepeka Timbal, tall, buff, and smelling of soap and blood commented, "he really is totally out of it, like you said, sensei." Leaning forward, he crushed Kuroro's cold hand in a powerful handshake. "Thanks for protecting sensei against the flu virus," he said solemnly. "I'm sorry I couldn't come by earlier. I was still trying to figure out what the fuck was happening to sensei. Turns out, no one knows what is happening either. Most people I talked to just said she was to be killed for something while others thought that news of the attack on sensei was just false rumours spread on the Net."

"Of course." Kuroro stared at his hand, squashed painfully in the powerful hand. "Are you being polite to me?" he asked dubiously. "Because the Pepeka I knew was probably the most vulgar person I've ever met, and seeing you be polite is confusing for me, especially in my weakened state."

The handshake froze in mid-shake. "What the fuck?" Pepeka demanded, face turning red with outrage. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Ah, it _is_ you. Just checking. It is nice to see you again." Kuroro extracted his hand quickly before Pepeka could react and smiled charmingly. "What have I missed? I feel like I've been disconnected from the world for a long time."

"What the… I thought getting your Nen back and being sick would have mellowed you out," Pepeka grumbled. "You're still the same old motherfucker."

"Correction, Pepeka: I do not know who my mother is, so it is literally impossible for me to have…"

"Oh my god, do _not_ complete that sentence."

"If you insist." Kuroro smiled sweetly and turned back to Midoya. "So, what has happened while I was dead to the world?"

"Well, Shalnark called," Midoya said thoughtfully. "He was wondering where you were and when you were going back. He sounded quite panicked too. I heard fighting in the background and some mention of dead bodies in the shape of an inverted cross. I have no idea what that means though. Perhaps your Ryodan are robbing Satanists?"

"One can only wish. So, Shalnark called. Why does he have your number? You didn't tell him I was here, did you?"

"Oh, I mentioned I might have seen you somewhere, but you weren't free at the moment, which was true. When he called, you were heavily drugged and unconscious. And, I gave him my number the last time when you just had your little curse removed. It was practically the first thing he asked from me. Should I let him know that you are feeling much better now?"

"Please defer that for the moment," Kuroro sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I do not feel well enough to deal with the Ryodan at the moment. What else has happened?"

"Pepeka and I decided on a number of plans to counter-attack with. We have a Plan A, B, C and D already. Aren't you proud of us?"

"Very. But Midoya, do you truly intend to fight back? It's one thing to defend yourself against the attacks, but another to take the initiative and attack them," Kuroro said dubiously. "That would bring the whole Association down on you."

"Ah, but that depends on _how_ I fight back."

Settling down on the couch, Kuroro accepted a cup of hot tea from Pepeka while eyeing a suspiciously cheerful Midoya. "It seems to be that you are planning something utterly devious and manipulative," he said slowly. "Would you care to tell me about it?"

"Oh, I can do better," Midoya purred, wide grin spreading across her face. "I can _show _you."

* * *

The screen of the television flickered. With the sluggishness of aged technology, the grey screen of static gradually gained colour. Eventually, the pixels solidified into a picture. The picture contained only one thing; a shot of Midoya's living room, covered with blood. Then the camera panned to the left and revealed Pepeka sitting on the loveseat, looking ragged and exhausted.

"_Citizens of York Shin, Hunters of the Hunter's Association, I am Pepeka Timbal,"_ the image of Pepeka said seriously, blue eyes fixed intensely on the camera. _"Some of you may know me as a blacklist hunter. However, I am not here today as a Hunter. I am here as a human being, as a student and as a friend."_ Slowly, Pepeka rubbed his red eyes then appeared to pull himself together through sheer mental strength. _"I was Blacklist Hunter Midoya's disciple, as some of you would know, and I speak today on her behalf. Please…"_ The deep, masculine voice cracked with emotion. _"Please, stop attacking her. This has gone too far. I…" _

"_You're doing things the wrong way round," _a feminine voice, strong with quiet authority interrupted then Midoya walked into the frame. _"I appreciate the effort, but I think this message is best said by me." _She was dressed in torn clothing, covered with blood. A cut was open on her cheek and still bleeding. _"Citizens, Hunters, I am Blacklist Hunter Midoya,"_ she said, her voice firm and sure. _"As you have undoubtedly heard, I have been under the attack of several factions within the Hunter's Association for an entire month. They have accused me of various crimes; robbery and murder among other things."_ Her eyes seemed to grow larger as she spoke. _"Some of their accusations date back decades to a time when I was but a young fledging, unsure of my powers and the things I could do with them. I am sure many of you know what I speak of. I will stop there in respect of the previous Chairman's rules regarding the Hunter's Exams. For days, I have been a prisoner in my own apartment while powerful Hunters lay siege against me for charges that they claim justify my death."_ With a deep breath, Midoya straightened her back though a shudder ran through her body. _"I have been forced to kill again and again in defence of myself and my disciple. Yet, the attacks never ceased. Just a few days ago, some of the Hunters used biological warfare against my apartment. Though I managed to contain it to my apartment, there was still a huge risk that it could have spread to the neighbouring apartments, causing a city-wide epidemic."_ Midoya's eyes seemed to swell though her expression didn't change. _"Please, Hunters of the Hunter's Association, those with the most level and rational minds,"_ she said in a trembling voice, full of heart-rending strength and sweet vulnerability. _"Please intervene with the Hunters attacking my apartment before innocent civilians are hurt. I would surrender if I had the slightest hope I would not be executed immediately on trumped up charges."_ Her face dipped as she turned it to the side, allowing her messy, curly hair to fall over her face.

Reassuringly, Pepeka took her hand and squeezed it tightly. _"I hope this broadcast reaches someone who can help,"_ he said bravely. _"And we can only hope that it is not too late for us and the citizens of York Shin City."_ He hesitated as if he wanted to say more. Then he shook his head, looking weary and heroic at the same time. _"Goodbye,"_ he said instead then turned his face away from the camera. The screen started to fade, but not before Midoya lifted her head slightly to reveal her face, full of stubborn pride, strength and tears.

* * *

"So, what do you think?" Midoya asked with great relish, switching off the television.

"I think that you are a monster," Kuroro replied, impressed and horrified at the same time, "a dreadful, _dreadful_ monster."

* * *

Within a few hours, Midoya's laptop started to beep, indicating someone was trying to initiate a video call with her. Rearranging her face into the appropriate mask of world-weariness, Midoya sat down before her laptop and accepted the call.

The face of a young man, more beautiful than handsome, but strong and confident sprang onto the screen. Neat, blonde hair framed large eyes and a wide, charming smile accentuated by dimples. Kuroro took one look at the face and disliked it instinctively. _"Midoya," _the young man exclaimed, looking positively ecstatic to see her. _"It's been a while."_ The smile sparkled with great sincerity and genuine joy.

Immediately, the façade of weariness fell off Midoya's face and she smiled back wryly. "Pariston," she greeted. "I thought you would be the one to try and contact me."

"_Oh? My, you have such faith in me," _the young man, presumably Pariston laughed, looking pleased.

"But of course," Midoya agreed. "The broadcast was targeted at you really. I knew you wouldn't pass the chance to capitalize on my misfortune."

"_My dear, I really have no idea what you're talking about,"_ Pariston said, his eyes glinting. Then his head tilted slightly and he said, _"Beans, will you be so kind as to get me a cup of tea?"_ The message was clear: _he wasn't alone._

"You are Vice-Chairman of the Hunter's Association after all," Midoya went on smoothly, as if she hadn't been interrupted. "If Hunters are acting in a way that could discredit the Association, of course you would move against them."

"_Of course I would," _Pariston said, his voice brimming with concern. _"You have no idea how shocked and horrified I was to receive that broadcast you sent out. Your situation must be dire indeed, if you resorted to this. How are you doing? How is Pepeka? I've always admired your disciple's talents, and would be devastated if he was hurt in any way." _

"We're fine," Midoya replied, her voice just a tinge colder than usual. "However, we are getting a little tired of being cooped up in here. Is there any way you can help us, Pariston?"

"_Ah, that's the problem."_ Pariston paused, looking worried. _"As much as I would like to, I can't call off the attacks on you." _

"Why not?"

"_Well, the unfortunate thing about this situation is that the charges raised against you are legitimate. Given that they are legitimate, the entire Zodiac has to vote and agree unanimously that these charges should be dropped. However, as you must have guessed by now, the attacks on you must be funded and directed by someone high up in the chain of command, most likely a Zodiac. There is no way I can override the charges on my own." _

"Huh." Midoya's eyes narrowed. "But?"

The smile sparkled again. _"But, if you can make it to the Hunter's Association Port City Base where I am located, I can provide asylum for you. If you are under my protection, even Quincy wouldn't dare move against you. The Hunter's Association is in a great state of imbalance now. Attacking you, a Hunter with a rather spotted past is one thing; attacking the Vice-Chairman of the association who has the top votes and who has not committed any crime is quite another. Once you are under my protection, I will inform the rest of the Zodiac members that you are currently under my custody. That should be enough to stop the attacks. Of course, you will not really be in custody. You can leave whenever you like. I'll also try to set up negotiations between you and the hunters attacking you. It is the only thing I can do for you, dear Midoya." _

Midoya hesitated, finger pressed to her lips. "Okay," she said slowly. "What sort of payment do you require?"

"_Payment? Pshaw, dear heart. Nothing of that sort. I would only be too pleased to help you," _Pariston beamed, practically glowing with sincerity. _"You were Chairman Netero's last disciple after all. The best way to honour his memory is to honour his legacy, and you are a big part of his legacy. He was always very proud of you." _

"I see," Midoya replied, dimpling sweetly at him. "I am very grateful for your assistance, Pariston. I will see you at the Port City HQ."

"_Best of luck, my dear,"_ Pariston said and his image dissolved into a blank screen.

Midoya shut the laptop calmly then turned to look at the two men staring at her. "That Pariston," she said mildly. "I knew he would be the first to contact me. He is a politician through and through, and what better way to earn points with the voters than by protecting the defenceless, vulnerable last disciple of Chairman Netero, one of the most respected Hunters in the history of the Hunter's Association? I knew it was going to go down like this, but my goodness, that man still pisses me off. This is so hard to swallow."

"Now you know how I felt about the cough mixture," Kuroro told her unsympathetically. She ignored his comment with great dignity.

"So what now?" Pepeka asked uneasily. "Are we going to do as he says? I don't trust that weasel."

"Yes," Midoya agreed. "But at the very least, we know that we can trust Pariston to not be trustworthy. Let's prepare for the long march to the Port City HQ, and let's come up with plans to backstab Pariston if he backstabs us. In fact, just to be safe, we should come up with plans to backstab Pariston even if he doesn't backstab us."

"That sounds complicated, sensei."

"It's not, dear Pepeka. It's simple politics."

"Alright," Pepeka agreed, climbing reluctantly to his feet. "If you say so, sensei."

Kuroro eyed Midoya, shook his head disapprovingly and muttered, "Politicians."

* * *

"You know," Midoya said, as she sat on her luggage to shut it, "you don't have to come along."

"No, I disagree," Kuroro replied immediately. "Pepeka should definitely come along. If he is left here…"

"I was talking about you, Kuroro," Midoya interrupted, amused.

"Oh." Kuroro checked to make sure his phone and wallet (resources dwindling; need to steal something soon) were in their respective pockets. "Why wouldn't I come along?" he asked.

"I'm just saying, you don't have to," Midoya said with a shrug. "You could leave now, return to the Ryodan. I doubt the HA will go after you."

"I don't want to leave now," Kuroro replied. "I'm still taking a break from the Ryodan, and what's happening to you now is something to occupy myself. It is definitely more interesting than just sitting around in someone else's apartment reading."

"Okay, if you say so." Midoya smiled at him warmly then bent over to latch up her bag.

"I do say so," Kuroro agreed. "Besides, I still want you in my Ryodan. That's not going to happen if you are dead… or Chairman of the Hunter's Association. I am afraid I must confess to being heavily invested in you staying alive and not winning this election."

"Of course, Kuroro," Midoya laughed, eyes glowing with amusement. "Of course. I should definitely hire you as my public relations manager. My reputation after you're done with it will be positively _wicked_."

* * *

A/N: And this is the third chapter! I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter. I confess to liking a touch of childishness in Kuroro, and that came out in this chapter. I hope it was to your liking, dear reader. Just in case it wasn't, the trivial below is a gift to those who prefer the cold-blooded, highly practical Kuroro.

Trivial: If Kuroro did become Midoya's public relations manager, there were a couple of things he would do for her public image. First, he would spread the word that Midoya had contacted a highly contagious disease that also had a very high mortality rate. To further that image, he would confine her, the best he could, in a room with no access to the outer world. Over time, he would continue to spread the word of her deteriorating health. Any visitors coming to find her will be duly turned back to prevent the 'spread' of the disease. At the suitable time, he would announce she was dead, get rid of her entire estate and destroy her Hunter license. Once that was accomplished, she would have no choice but to join the Ryodan, having lost everything she had ever built in her life. What can he say; he did want her in his Ryodan very badly.

Or maybe he wouldn't do that. After all, even if he succeeded and Midoya ended up joining the Ryodan, she would probably stop having sex with him on the general principle that she did not have sex with backstabbing bastards, and that would be just sad.


	4. The Bouncer and the

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

So very sorry for the very late upload. I got busy… and this chapter was too disturbing even for me. I struggled, toned some things down etc, and… here's the end result. I hope you enjoy it, dear reader.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

The Bouncer and the Whore

Due to a great deal of efficiency and some creative packing, they were ready to leave in a very short period of time. Unfortunately, part of leaving Midoya's building involved leaving either by the window or the front door, both of which were guarded by a thick wall of Hunters.

"And undoubtedly, they saw Pariston's message to me," Midoya added as Pepeka gave a particularly visible spy the one-finger salute. "They are going to do their best to stop us from reaching Pariston."

"Ah, and there are only two ways out of this place," Kuroro noted, "the front entrance and the window, both of which are watched and guarded by large numbers of hunters. Do you think we can fight through them?"

"Oh, I am sure we can, especially now that you have the use of your Nen back," Midoya agreed. "But instead of fighting a war of attrition, I am more in favour of ditching them so they lose our trail. That way, even if they know we are heading towards the Port City HQ, they have no idea how we're approaching it. It will save us a lot of energy and will give Pariston more reason to help us. After all, helping 'poor defenceless Midoya on the run from overwhelming odds' is much better political leverage than 'assisting that crazy hunter who slaughtered a path to the HQ'."

"True," Kuroro conceded. "What do you propose we do then?"

"Oh, I have a _modus operandi_ for missions like this," Midoya said cheerfully.

"And what would that be?" Kuroro asked.

"Illusion, distraction and misdirection." Midoya beamed proudly.

"Oh shit," Pepeka blurted out from the window where he had been making faces at the spies. "Sensei… you don't mean…?"

"Oh yes."

"Oh no."

"Oh no?" Kuroro questioned, eyes darting back and forth between the two.

"Sensei, you don't mean…"

"Oh yes, I do," Midoya beamed. "The Bouncer and the Whore."

* * *

There are several components to the 'Bouncer and the Whore' that, surprisingly, do not necessarily include a bouncer or a whore (though they can be present if they want to, because who are we to say they can't be present if they want to be present, it's a free world after all as long as you do exactly as you are told). What the 'Bouncer and the Whore' necessarily include are a Big, Scary Thing, a Hidden Person, a Distraction and a Car.

And make-up. Lots of make-up.

* * *

Adjusting the gold chain around his neck, Kuroro peered at Midoya over the shades on his face. He had never taken part in a mission where he didn't know at least part of the plan. It was rather refreshing to jump in blind, even if that meant having to follow someone else's lead. However, it also wasn't very intelligent to do so. "So, are you ready to update me on my role in this mission?" he asked as they waited for the lift to reach to first floor.

"Sure," Midoya said without hesitation. "I was wondering when you were going to ask. Your role in this mission is really simple. All we need to do is walk to my car at the right moment."

"Ah." Kuroro rubbed his chin thoughtfully, accidentally rubbing off makeup in the process. "That is… unexpected. Is that all we're going to do?"

"Yup. Well, we have to walk to the car in a very specific way. We'll have to discuss that one though; I'm not sure how happy you will be with it. If I know anything about you though, I would guess you would be extremely happy with the role you have to play. Or maybe not. What do I know anyway?"

Well, Kuroro mused, that was enlightening.

The lift _dinged_ cheerfully and they stepped out of the lift, or they would have, if a giant didn't stand before them, blocking the entire corridor. Kuroro's eyes went up… and then higher. Even bowed at the waist, the massive head, covered with thick, wiry hair and framed by broad, muscular shoulders was still at Kuroro's head level. It was hard seeing past the globular head that filled his vision, but Kuroro got the sense of a goliath body, excessive bulging flesh, clad in a smart black suit that was at least two sizes too small on that frame (or five sizes too big for Ubogin).

"Julius," Midoya said fondly. "How is my favourite doorman doing? I've heard that you had to turn back some over-enthusiastic visitors on my behalf. I hope that wasn't too taxing for you."

"Good day to you, Madam. It is very kind of you to enquire after this lowly servant. I am doing well. Your unwelcomed guests were very kind and obliging when asked to turn back," the massive head said, lifting itself to reveal a round, pug-like face with tiny, squinty eyes and thick lips. "Good day to you, Sir. Are you on your way out, Madam?"

"Yes I am," Midoya said. "Will you do me the favour of bringing my car to the front entrance? I also have some luggage here. I hope you don't mind putting it in the trunk for me after you bring the car around." She pointed to the huge sack between them. "It is a little too heavy for me to carry myself."

"Of course, Madam," the troll-like face said, bowing deeply. "It will be my pleasure." Slowly, the head rose and a powerful, bulky body turned around, arms as thick as tree trunks ending in fists as big as Midoya's head swaying as the body rotated. It was like watching a whale move through water.

"Huh," Kuroro commented. "Is he part of the plan?"

"But of course."

"Which part is he?"

"Our Big Scary Thing," Midoya replied.

"Big Scary Thing?" Kuroro questioned.

Midoya didn't answer. She didn't need to. The moment the goliath in a suit moved out of the way, Kuroro got a full, unrestricted view of the lobby. "I see," he said slowly as he took in the state of the lobby. "He does have a rather… interesting way of turning back unwelcomed guests."

Midoya grinned. "If you think the way he turns them back is scary, you should see the way he _expels_ unwelcomed guests." She prodded a dead body that had its spine twisted around so the top half of the body was facing one direction and the bottom half another. "It's a lot messier than this. A _lot_ messier."

* * *

Earth Moonshine Fields was sitting on the curb across from the building criminal Midoya Kito was living in, breathing in intoxicating tobacco smoke when the metaphorical shit came down.

All his life, Earth Moonshine Fields had fought against the injustice that was his name. Born thirty-seven years ago on a wet, muddy field surrounded by plenty of trees and sheep, Earth Moonshine Fields had been named in a ritual ceremony that involved a lot of naked people smoking substances of an ambiguous legal nature. Shortly after his birth, his mother, who had left the great cities to embrace nature, discovered that embracing nature meant embracing a lot of unpleasant things, like sheep poop, and rejecting a lot of pleasant things, like air-conditioning. With that discovery in mind, the young woman had returned to the confusedly happy embrace of her parents and registered for a teaching course at the local college with a sigh of relief.

There are two ways a young boy with a name like Earth Moonshine Fields can go; he could end up either as the dunker or the dunk-ee. As the rich young boys at the private school Earth Moonshine Fields attended learned quickly, the deceptive slender boy with the narrow eyes was no dunk-ee. On the first day of school, two large, burly physical education teachers had to be employed to pull Earth Moonshine Fields off the sobbing bully before he drowned in the toilet bowl.

Having learned that proactive violence was the only way to avoid being picked on, obtaining a Hunter license which basically gave him the license to beat the shit out of the next guy who looked at him wrong, became the natural way to go for Earth Moonshine ("Moonie") Fields.

Years of training turned his slender build into a sinewy, lean one. Hours spent under the sun tanned his skin, giving him the brown, wrinkled look of an outdoors person. Dangerous lessons under a stern and cruel mentor made him a master at Nen. All of this took but a few years, and he was lauded by many as a genius. The discovery that he was talented in the art of violence reaffirmed Moonie's philosophy on life: the one who hits the hardest laughs the hardest.

A couple of years out on the fields earned Moonie a reputation as a powerful and brutal Blacklist Hunter, who tended to shoot first and ask questions later. Eventually, criminals, upon hearing his name, would more likely drop to their knees and beg for mercy than risk his wrath. He beat them up anyway, because it was the principle of the thing. That worked well enough for him until the day he had run into Chairman Netero's youngest disciple.

It had all started off peacefully enough. Moonie had been summoned to the _Shingen-ryu_ dojo to meet the Chairman of the Hunter's Association. _"I have someone I want you to meet"_, the cryptic message had read. Upon arrival, Chairman Netero had sat him down and told him that he had recently taken in a new apprentice who had just obtained her license, quite talented, but a little stubborn and wouldn't Moonie with all his years of experience let Netero know how he felt about this young apprentice and whether she was good enough to become a Blacklist Hunter like she wanted to?

Moonie had been surprised. The last thing, he had thought, any mentor would want would be to expose a young, inexperienced apprentice to the infamously cruel and brutal Moonie Fields. However, since this was _Netero_ who was asking him, Moonie agreed after cautioning Netero that he couldn't be responsible for any… _damage_ the young apprentice might take. (_"That's fine. I'm sure you wouldn't hurt her too much. You're a good man after all."_)

Netero had looked so sadistically pleased when Moonie had consented to 'take a look' at the young apprentice that Moonie couldn't help wondering if Netero actually detested his student and wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible. The way he had laughed while he rang for his apprentice only added to Moonie's suspicion.

A short while later, the light patter of footsteps could be heard along the corridors and the door slid open to reveal a little girl, slightly over four feet tall, as pale, as round and as soft as a marsh-mellow.

Moonie had gaped in shock. After hearing that this new apprentice was a Hunter, he had expected someone a lot older, not this short little thing with pigtails and round, baby cheeks. She couldn't be more than ten years old.

"_I'm thirteen,"_ the kid had informed him in that overly reasonable tone highly intelligent and excessively serious children sometimes adopt. _"I'm not a kid anymore."_

"_That is true,"_ Netero had agreed mildly. _"She is considered a teenager now, I believe."_

Moonie had not been happy with that, but since he had already agreed to test this apprentice, he decided to go ahead with it. Facing her, he knelt two feet away and held out his palm. _"I'm going to increase the Nen around my palm and attack you,"_ he had told her. _"I want to see how strong your Nen is. It will hurt so you better do your fu erh… darn best to defend against it. Got it, kid?" _

"_Of course,"_ the child had conceded as if that made perfect sense to her and she knew more than Moonie with all his years of experience did. Moonie had glared at her. At least she was a fucking obnoxious kid. Now he felt better about breaking the bones in her body.

Still, he had to be careful not to end up killing her (if Netero really wanted to kill the kid by proxy, he had better damn well pay for it). Flooding his palm with Nen, he adjusted it until it was at a level that would harm but not kill the kid. Then without warning, he slammed his palm towards her shoulder.

He had expected his palm to connect with her shoulder. He had expected it to dislocate, even break. What he had not expected was to find himself slamming his palm into a wall of solid, _burning_ Nen.

Shocked, Moonie had looked up to meet the kid's eyes. She looked back calmly, her expression neutral, even bored. In hindsight, Moonie was pretty certain that was why he tried to punch her in the face.

Not a good idea. Punching her face was like punching a concrete wall with his bare hands. The fingers of his fist had shattered and Moonie had drawn back his arm instinctively with a pained gasp.

Then Nen flooded the kid's body. One moment, Moonie had been cradling his fist, gasping in the pain, the next moment he had been flat on the ground, forced into a prostrate posture by overwhelming Nen pressing down on him like a ton of bricks. As he choked and gargled on her Nen flooding his airways, drowning him, it sudddenly occurred to him that maybe the one Netero wanted to kill by proxy was _him_.

That set off alarms in his brain, and he had struggled violently against her Nen. His own Nen, amplified by terror, roared against hers, and he felt the tatami mat beneath them shred. But it was too small… it was too little… he could feel her Nen slamming against him, overwhelming his senses and sending him into a blind panic.

The attack probably only lasted for a few seconds, but when she let him up again, Moonie had been panting and shaking like he had just ran a marathon. Struggling to his knees, he had found himself staring into black, _black _eyes gazing down at him with the mildest of curiosity.

"_You're pretty strong,"_ she had said with the innocent bluntness of a child. _"I wanted to explode you from the inside out, but you managed to avoid that by countering my Nen with yours. Perhaps a few seconds more and I would have succeeded. You should thank Netero-sensei for ordering me to stop." _

All the years of hard work fell to pieces at that moment. All the time spent building his reputation of cruelty, all the time spent training, all of it went down the drain in that instance. He had just lost to a fucking _kid_ with a fucking private school accent. He didn't deserve the title of Blacklist Hunter Moonie Fields anymore. At that very moment when his life's work disintegrated before his eyes, Earth Moonshine Fields made a vow to himself. Until the day he could defeat Midoya June Kito in a fair fight, he would bear the shameful name of Earth Moonshine Fields. Only when she lay at his feet begging for mercy would be become Blacklist Hunter Moonie Fields again.

Hence, when the recruitment call came for those willing to hunt Midoya Kito, he had jumped at the chance. Surely, this was his chance to finally beat up that obnoxious little bitch. No one had any idea how her mounting successes on the field had _grated_ at his nerves. No one had any idea how much he detested the way news of her triumphs always circulated around the HQs _minutes_ after they happened. No one had _any_ idea how much he loathed the way powerful Hunters twice her age _whispered_ her name with a mixture of fear, respect and even desire. Every time he saw her smug face around the Association, he had to clench his fist to stop himself from pounding her face in. The worst thing, he had discovered very quickly, was that she _never realized what she did to him_. Kid still called him 'Uncle Moonie' for fuck's sake.

Scowling, Earth Moonshine Fields spat onto the ground and glared at the building Midoya Kito currently occupied. For the longest time, he had been stopped from joining the attacking forces. The higher-ups were fucking wimpy about her killing off the powerful hunters, so they had been reserving the more powerful soldiers for some undefined _later_ attack. Moonie wasn't too sure why the fuck they were doing that. Something about being afraid it would screw with their election chances, probably. Fucking a-holes. Who cares about the fucking elections? They should have launched an attack full fucking force from the start. Well, that bitch was gonna get it soon. Word on the ground was that the higher-ups were thinking of launching a new attack. This time, they weren't going to play nice. This time, _Two_ Star Blacklist Hunters were joining them; _Two_ Motherfucking Star Blacklist Hunters like himself. That bitch was going _down_.

Just about the time Earth Moonshine Fields was fantasizing stabbing Midoya Kito in between the ribs and watching the light die off in her eyes, a huge _freak_ of a monster exited the building. Immediately, Earth Moonshine Fields straightened up, staring intently at the monster. That was the "doorman" of this fucking building. Moonshine had seen how that freak guarded the fucking door, and it wasn't pretty at all. So far, it hadn't attacked anyone outside the building, but it was still Class A dangerous.

"_Hey Moonie,"_ his speaker rasped. _"You see that?"_

"Copy," Moonshine replied testily. "And how many times have I told you to call me Moonshine until I finally kick that bitch's ass, Carles?"

"_I'll never understand you. You ain't the first hunter to be fucked up by her, y'know? She's been pissing on veteran hunters since she was a kid. Why get your panties in a knot about it?"_

"Shut up or I'll stick a gun up your ass and pull the trigger."

"_Okay, Mister That-Was-A-Really-Gay-Threat. You see what big, freaky and scary is doing?" _

Moonshine glanced back at the freak. "It's heading for the car park."

"_Huh. Doing valet duty, huh? There anyone else in the building other than our little angel?" _

"Yeah. Apartments in the other wings are still occupied. Only Kito's block was evacuated. Could be getting a car for any occupant. Can anyone see if Kito is still in her penthouse?"

The earpiece buzzed for a short while then Carles's voice replied, _"Negative, bro. But she went into the bathroom with her boy toy half an hour ago. Ain't difficult imagining what's going on in there. Did you see what they did last night? Seriously, fuck my life. I know Kito's appearance is a fucking lie, but __damn __I would never have guessed that woman is that flexible. Makes me wanna tap that ass myself. As long as she's wearing a bag over her head, I mean, 'cause damn is that face ugly." _

"Carles, are you that eager to have your fucking dick ripped off? That woman's a black widow, dude. You heard what she did to the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan right?"

"_Yeah, I heard about how she kept attaching weights to a rope tied around his balls till they tore off. Or that she has teeth between her pretty little legs that she used to cut off his dick during sex. Dude, that's all just rumours, man. There are like a hundred versions of what happened. Besides, she hasn't ripped her pretty little toy's head off yet. Like I said, he seemed pretty functional last night." _

"Yeah, but he's a shit-lot better looking than you, pig-face." Moonshine ignored Carles's laughter rasping from static in his ear and glared at the freak. Carles didn't seem to think that something was wrong based on his playful and relaxed attitude, but Moonshine wasn't so sure. He really didn't like the fact that no one could see Kito or her little boy toy. No one knew who the fuck that dude was, but Quincy mentioned that he seemed pretty darn powerful and besides Timbal…

Moonshine's foot froze in mid-tap as a thought occurred to him, sending chills down his spine. _Where was her disciple?_

"Carles! Come in. Does anyone see Timbal?"

"_Uh. Hold on. No… no, no one sees him." _

"Well then where the fuck is he?"

"_Where… oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh fuck! Do you think that doorman…!"_

"On it," Moonshine grounded out through gritted teeth.

"_Whoa… wait, bro! Don't approach that freak yourself! It's dangerous! You listening? Come in, Moonshine! Come in!" _

Snarling, Moonshine ripped the earpiece out of his ear and stomped towards the car park. Something was going down. He didn't know what, but something was definitely happening, and he would be damned if he let the chance to kill Midoya Kito slip by his fingers again.

Running among the cars, Moonshine sprinted towards the towering, suit-clad figure, clenching his fist to summon Nen to it. "Hey!" he shouted. "Hey uh… doorman! Stop right where you are!"

The giant turned around, moving slowly, like a bear turning to regard a pesky little fly buzzing around behind. Beady eyes stared at Moonshine, and the thick trunk of a neck bent significantly just so the doorman could meet his eyes. Moonshine was suddenly struck by how _huge_ the guy was.

With great deference, the giant dropped the enormous sack it was carrying and bowed slightly. "Yes, sir?" the giant asked in a gravelly, deep voice.

"Erm…" Moonshine shook his sudden apprehension off. "Where are you going?"

"What business is that of yours, sir? You aren't a legal enforcement officer. I have no obligation to reply."

Right. "Look," Moonshine bristled, pointing angrily at the building. "Look at that. One of your tenants there is a _criminal_, okay, and not the cute kind. She's a murderer, a thief and all other kinds of criminal shit… we, the Hunter's Association are after her, and what you can do is stop killing us so we can get her."

"Which tenant?"

"Oh don't play dumb with…"

"Are you referring to Lady Qiao, head of the Red Lotus Clan, infamous for setting off the plague epidemic in Jorke that drove the Pi-Jorke people to extinction?" the giant continued calmly, overriding Moonshine's explosion. "She lives on the third floor. Or are you referring to Queen Annette, wife of the King of Abàin, who once summoned the prettiest ladies in her court to her room and poisoned all of them so none would compete with her for the King's attention? She lives on the twentieth floor. Or are you referring to Madam Green who once, when angered, sent a whole country to another dimension? She lives on the thirteenth floor. Or perhaps you are referring to Jane on the thirty-sixth."

Moonshine blinked, suddenly uncertain of himself and unable to think of a good response. "Uh…Who's Jane?" he asked awkwardly.

"No one knows; she turns all who see her into mannequins, forever trapped in their own head and unable to die. I've heard she's also on the black list."

Moonshine growled. "I'm not referring to any of them. I'm referring to Midoya Kito, alright?"

"Ah, I see. Miss Midoya. Yes, she is a very dangerous and powerful person, but hardly more or less cruel than the other persons I mentioned. At least her actions are usually less destructive, except for the few times she accidentally started wars… or that time she caused the extinction of... But those were mistakes, and it is only human to make mistakes. Why is she being targeted?"

"You ask a lot of questions for a servant," Moonshine sneered, partly because the question had shaken him.

The giant smiled a grisly, yellow smile. "It is my duty to protect the residents of this building. I only ask what I must know to carry out my duties," he said. "Since you wouldn't reply, I hope you will excuse me…"

"Whoa! Hold it!" Moonshine snarled, reaching out to grip the giant's arm. "Where the fuck do you think you are going?"

"That is none of your business, sir," the giant repeated, but his voice was a lot colder now.

"Yes, it is," Moonshine growled. "It is now, you fucking freak."

The giant stopped. He turned around and looked down on Moonshine. Then his eyes started to glow an eerie, sickly green. Slowly, he held out a massive fist that started getting bigger… bigger… _bigger_… "What did you call me?" he asked, his voice hollow and empty.

Fuck it, that guy was massive. The fist was now the size of Moonshine's shoe cabinet. But if Moonshine kept backing down from everyone who could throw a harder punch than him, he would be 'Moonshine' for the rest of his fucking life. "I said you're a 'fucking freak'," he growled. "Whatcha gonna do about that, lapdog?"

The freak didn't even bother with a reply. He simply swung a fist the size of a boulder at him. Fortunately, Moonshine was ready for it; he had already seen it happen to the hundreds of hunters who had tried to invade the building through the lobby. Concentrating Nen into his legs, Moonshine blasted off from the ground, shattering concrete and asphalt as he did so. With an agile flip, he landed a good ten feet away, glaring at that _fucker_ who just tried to hit him.

Earth Moonshine Fields's body flooded with Nen and the nails on his hand started to lengthen. Oh it was _so _on.

* * *

So focused on the massive monster that had started to expand all over was Earth Moonshine Fields that he totally failed to notice when the sack the doorman had dropped started to move… and open…

* * *

Carles Johnson was sitting in God's Eye when the car park exploded in a mushroom cloud of asphalt and car parts. The God's Eye was an invention of Carles himself. It was a metal sphere just large enough to fit in two grown men (or one Carles Johnson), floating in the centre with tendrils and tendrils of wires attached in bunches to the back of the neck. The interior of the sphere was covered entirely with screens, each two feet by one. Each screen was linked to a camera planted in various strategic locations around Kito's building. Some of them were planted by Carles's men. The rest were cameras that had been put in by the security of the building in the first place. From the God's Eye, Carles Johnson could use his Nen to manually operate each and every camera and microphone that was planted.

This was a job Carles Johnson personally preferred. Heavily obese from a young age, Carles never had much of a chance becoming a Hunter, since the prerequisite of being one was fantastic fighting skills. However, Carles Johnson had a gift; he had the gift that allowed him to turn electronics against their owners, hijack them and use them for his own purposes. This was a gift he had developed early by himself, and was what had led him to Dr Quincy in the first place. Very quickly, Carles had turned from scientific experiment to eager helper. Even if he couldn't fight, he was pretty much capable of watching everything that happened within five hundred feet of the God's Eye. That was, in many ways, a much more useful and much rarer talent than excellent fighting skills.

At the moment, Carles Johnson was struggling not to have a heart attack as he watched Moonie… Moonshine fight that fucking freak that had broken the spines of hundreds of hunters. Because, as nasty as Moonie was, he was also the only one other than Quincy who actually appreciated Carles's value and Carles liked that man as much as he could like something that wasn't inorganic and under his control.

Puffy face turning red and steaming with sweat, Carles paged into Quincy's earpiece. "Dr Quincy," he said, stammering as he had a tendency to do when he was nervous. "Dr Quincy. Do you see the feed I am sending to your screen? Moonie is fighting the doorman in the…"

"_Yes, I can see for myself, idiot. I'm not blind."_

"Yes, of course. We need to send reinforcements…"

"_We will do nothing of that sort. For all we know, Midoya sent the doorman out to distract us from watching her. You will keep an eye on the building." _

"But…!" Carles growled when Quincy hung up on him. "Fuck!" Rotating in mid-air like a round, pale ball, Carles looked worryingly at the screen where Moonie was fighting the doorman. The nearest security camera was too far from the car park to get a good view of it; the best he could say was that Moonie was still alive, which counted for something at least.

Wiping the sweat off his face, Carles returned his gaze to the Kito's penthouse. From the perspective of the camera they had positioned on the opposite building, they could see about half of her living room. She wasn't in there, but that didn't mean anything. Biting his nails nervously, Carles glanced at Moonie again. The fight was still going on. Fuck…

"_Let's wait here for the car_._"_

Blinking in surprise, Carles quickly scanned through the flow of data streaming through his head. It informed him that the voice he heard had been picked up by the microphone near the entrance of the building. Immediately, the turned his gaze towards the specific screen that gave him a fairly decent image of the entrance. As was the case with the car park, he couldn't zoom in for a close up, but he could see enough to know that a man and a woman were standing at the entrance.

"_Where is that stupid servant,"_ the man was saying, his voice jarringly effeminate and cruel, _"He's been gone for all of five minutes."_ Carles looked the man over. Average-build made shorter by a slouch, dressed in a black suit; the man would hardly stand out were it not for the horrible pits that covered his face, no doubt the result of some kind of pox. The nose was slightly off-centred, as if it had been broken before. Thin lips were twisted in a cruel smirk. Carles, who had been the victim of men like this most of his life, disliked him immediately.

"_Are you sure it is safe to stand out here?"_ the woman said, her voice surprisingly low and husky. _"There's been so much fighting lately."_

Carles looked at the woman then looked again. His jaw dropped. Holy. Fucking. Shit. His eyes trailed over long, thick, dark hair that reached a pinched torso, clad in the slinkiest dress he had ever seen. It revealed most of white, creamy breasts framed by a gold chain and full, soft thighs covered with black, silk stockings. Her face turned ever so slightly towards the camera and he got the impression of smooth, flawless skin and full red lips. The rest of her face was covered by those huge sunglasses fashionable people seemed to favour, but even with them, she was a fucking bombshell. Holy shit. That was the sexiest piece of ass he had seen in a while.

"_Of course it's fine,"_ the man replied irritably. _"They're not after us. Just shut up and stand still. Remember, I didn't hire you for your brains."_

"_Yes sir,"_ the woman said meekly and bowed her head slightly. Carles felt sorry for her and wished she would turn just a little more to the left so he could look down her dress. _"I was just afraid we would get caught up in something…" _

"_What the fuck! I told you to shut up, didn't I? I said we're safe, so we're safe. Are you dumb or what?" _

"_No… no sir! I didn't mean…" _

"_Or maybe, you're hoping to get caught up in something."_ Carles swallowed nervously as the man turned towards the woman, his posture low and aggressive, like a wild animal. _"Maybe you want one of those hunters to come down here and get you." _

"_No… no… I didn't…"_

"_What were you hoping they would do if they came down here? This?" _

Carles's eyes widened in shock as he watched the man shove the woman roughly against the doorframe of the entrance and touch… _"No!"_ the woman cried. _"Stop!"_ Her voice was frightened and panicked… and_..._ Oh fuck. Carles wiped more sweat off his face as the… the _activities _continued on screen. Good fucking lord, when was the last time he heard something like that? Oh right, last night, when he downloaded those _videos_ off that site. But those… those were nowhere as hot as watching this woman gyrate and gasp and…

"_Erm… Carles… are you seeing this?"_ someone mumbled in his ear.

"Yeah… yeah I am."

"_They erm… look kind of suspicious, don't you think?"_

"Huh… I… uh… I guess…"

"_We should probably keep an eye on them a little longer… and all that, right?"_

"Yeah… yeah, we should."

"_And I mean erm… if you find it too erm… tiring, I can watch them and you can watch Moonie." _

"Huh? Erm… no, it's fine. It's fine. It's uh… my job after all…"

"_Yeah… yeah I guess. Whoa… that looks… erm… what that guy is doing looks really suspicious… so I'll just…"_

A car pulled up at the entrance.

"_Oh, our ride is here,"_ the man said, letting go of the woman who sank to the floor abruptly. _"Come on, get your ass moving." _

"_Yes sir,"_ the woman gasped, struggling to get to her feet.

"_Seriously__! What the fuck?"_ the man shouted. Angrily, he picked the woman up and flung her into the car. _"Stupid bitches…" _he grumbled as he climbed into the car.

Slowly, Carles leaned back slightly, breathing hard, as the car drove off the screen. He glanced at the car park guiltily, but Moonie seemed fine for the moment. That was good, because Carles had a _tiny_ problem to take care of…

* * *

Safely in the car, Kuroro tugged at the latex mask on his face that gave the impression of heavily scarred skin. With a relieved sigh, he peeled off the itchy material then glanced at the shaking figure curled up on the seat next to him. With a slightly less relieved sigh and a more exasperated one, he asked, "Is it really that funny, Midoya?"

Midoya looked up from her position on the seat, shaking violently with hysterical laughter. Shaking her head, she pressed her hands to her streaming eyes and continued to laugh. Her exaggeratedly over-drawn red lips had smudged as had her eye-liner and the thick layer of foundation that had given her the appearance of perfect skin.

"Is it _really_ that funny?" Kuroro repeated dubiously to Pepeka, who was in the driver's seat.

"Of course it's not," Pepeka growled through gritted teeth, his hair messed up from his time in the sack. "I can't believe I drove up to you fucking groping sensei like she was a… a…"

"Commercial sex worker?" Kuroro suggested and Midoya's laughter actually doubled in intensity. A frown creased Kuroro's face. "Now why is _that_ funny?"

From the front, Pepeka sighed and shook his head. "Sensei finds exhibitionism hilarious," he explained, looking embarrassed. "No idea why."

"I see. No wonder she incorporated it into her plan."

"Wouldn't be fun if I didn't," Midoya giggled breathlessly. "Oh, that was wonderful, Kuroro. Simply wonderful!"

Kuroro smiled slightly at that. Midoya's plan had been surprisingly simple and efficient. First, get Pepeka in a sack, and Kuroro and herself in heavy makeup. Then get the doorman to carry Pepeka as far he could to the car park where there were several vehicles present. There, Midoya had been certain some of the hunters would initiate an attack on the doorman or at least start a brawl. During the distraction, Pepeka would sneak out, hot-wire a car and drive to the entrance of the building to pick them up. To distract anyone who might be keeping an eye on the car park, Kuroro and Midoya had put up a _show_. Once they were in the car, they could drive to the docks and use a boat to leave York Shin. It was all beautifully easy and Kuroro couldn't help admiring the simplicity of it all.

Finally, Midoya's laughter died down enough for her to sit up and pull the dress down over her lace panties. "Oh Kuroro," she said, her voice weak from laughter, "that was the best distraction ever. Can you believe that we just made out in front of five hundred hunters? Oh my… we made out in front of _Quincy_." A giggle escaped her lips and she covered her mouth, shaking with glee again.

"Indeed, I can believe it," Kuroro replied, ignoring the glare Pepeka was giving him via the rear-view mirror. "I also believe that I now understand why you would go through your ah… whip-and-boots phrase now. Getting you to submit to me, even if it was only an act, was actually quite arousing." He paused and regarded her breathless state with great interest. "Shall I help you remove the corset before it suffocates you?"

"Yes please," Midoya gasped.

The lacing was complicated, but once it was off, Midoya's waist expanded significantly as she inhaled deeply. "Better?"

"Immensely," Midoya breathed, rubbing her stomach. "Oh, that cruel torture device…" She breathed in a bit more then slumped against the car seat with a happy sigh. After a while, she looked at Kuroro from under heavily mascaraed lashes. "Did I hear you mention something about submission being quite arousing?" she purred.

"Yes, you are quite correct. I do find forcing you to submit arousing."

"Interesting. I find the idea of forcing_ you _to submit… fascinating."

"Is that so?"

"Oh yes, that is so. I let you grope and push me around in front of my peers. Surely it is time for you to reciprocate the favour."

"What? Letting you grope and push me around in front of your disciple?"

"Kuroro!" Pepeka shouted angrily. "Don't you dare…!"

"Not a bad idea actually."

"Sensei!" Pepeka yelped, horrified. "I don't want to… to… see…"

"Right. Sorry. I forgot how delicate you are." With a smile, Midoya pressed a button and a heavily-tinted window slid up between them and a shocked Pepeka. "Now then," she murmured, eyes half-lidded, "let's see who gets who to submit first, Kuroro. Loser has to put on the collar… "

* * *

A/N: And… things are just going to get worse. What can I say? Throw Midoya and Kuroro together and nothing can come out of it but strange and disturbing things. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and hope it wasn't too scandalous for some of you (what can I say, I scandalised myself enough that I was uncomfortable uploading this chapter).

Trivial: Up till this date, Moonie still could not figure out what Netero had hoped to accomplish by introducing him to Midoya in that manner. All sorts of theories had gone through his mind, ranging from simple theories like Netero wanting to put Moonie back into his place to complicated conspiracy theories about aliens, cyborgs and Russian spies. Many a sleepless night had been spent wondering whether strange creatures would suddenly erupt from his chest, or descend from the ceiling to carry him off to alternate worlds filled with bizarre, mind-bending monsters.

Unbeknownst to Moonie, the truth was, Netero hadn't been lying at all; he had genuinely wanted Moonie to assess if Midoya had enough talent to be a Blacklist Hunter.


	5. Of the Ryodan, Fetishes and Midoya's

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Of the Ryodan, Fetishes and Midoya's Feet

His left arm was secured to the seat with a set of seat belts. His right leg was secured to the seat with another set of seat belts. Sometime during the struggle, his shirt and jacket had disappeared, and his pants had become undone. His skin was hot and uncomfortably sticky against the cool leather of the car seats, and his neatly gelled hair was mussed up. Kuroro looked at the woman he more or less had his foot against, breathing hard.

Well, at least he wasn't in the collar yet.

The reason for that was because things as they stood now were still at a draw. Midoya had her arms strapped together by his belt, but they were not tethered to anything so she had a little more leverage than him. He had managed to pull her dress mostly off but had failed miserably at undoing her brassiere with one hand. He had managed to keep her away from his more… _sensitive_ parts with his free leg but Midoya was _good_ with her feet. She had managed to unbuckle and unzip his pants with her _toes_.

"We've come to something of a standstill," Kuroro noted, smiling faintly up at her.

"We have," Midoya agreed. Her wig had fallen off and her naturally frizzy hair covered most of her face. It turned her smile into something sensuous and feral. Or it would have if the streaks of black eyeliner running over her face and the smudged red lipstick hadn't given her the look of something murderously insane. "But you can't keep me away forever," she added, chest rising and falling with laboured breath.

Reaching forward, she ran her foot down his torso, skin barely touching skin. Kuroro shivered. Her feet were cold as they tended to be, and her touch against his heated skin was absolutely tantalizing. "I blame your greater experience with cuffs and other forms of restraints," he breathed, revelling in the tingling sensation left by her touch. "I usually leave tying people up to my Ryo… _oh_…" Dear heavens… had he mentioned her feet were incredibly talented?

His mind screamed at him to regroup, but he already knew she had broken past his defences. Alluringly, she slid along his body, hot breath and wet kisses brushing against his skin. Kuroro closed his eyes, breathing hard. All was not lost yet. He still had another line of defence. If he could just get his hand into the most strategic position, he would be able to…

"_Ahem."_

Both of them froze at the unexpected sound. For a moment, they stared at each other in confusion. Then Midoya said, "Pepeka?" tentatively.

"_Yes sensei." _Pepeka sounded annoyed and incredibly frustrated over the car's interior speaker system. _"It's me. I'm IN the car. With the two of you. If you remember." _

"But of course," Midioya said, looking slightly guilty. "So uh… what's the matter?"

"_I just wanted to tell you that we've reached the docks."_

Right.

"Ah." Midoya looked down at Kuroro and he looked back at her. "Five more minutes?" she asked hopefully.

"_Sensei…!"_

"_Coitus interruptus_," Midoya muttered loudly. "We shall continue this later tonight."

"Really?" Kuroro asked disappointedly. "Will it make a difference if I say you are really close to winning?"

Midoya stared at him, her eyes wide and her pupils dilated. "How close?" she asked interestedly.

"Really, _really_…"

"_SENSEI!"_

"Alright, alright!" Midoya grumbled, getting off Kuroro. Kuroro closed his eyes and breathed through his frustration. "Apprentices are just like babies. Can't leave them alone for even a minute, and they _always_ interrupt you during kinky sex."

"_Sensei, I can hear you! I wish you would appreciate the fact that I drove you and your boyfriend…"_

"I resent the term 'boyfriend'," Kuroro interrupted. "I am not just a friend, nor am I a boy."

"Oh that's true. You are more like a man-friend."

"Thank you, Midoya, I like that a lot better."

"_Kuroro! Sensei!"_

"Oh, I will never understand virgins," Midoya grumbled, making Kuroro snigger despite himself. Pepeka made a strangled, indignant sound over the speakers, which Midoya replied with a surprisingly childish raspberry before pushing the car door open and climbing out.

The last time Kuroro had been at the docks, he had cheated an old teacher of his row-boat. This time, there was little need for such subterfuge. Hence, they had headed straight for Midoya's private boat. At least that's what she called it. Looking at it now, Kuroro had to admit that the boat was not technically a boat. According to Pepeka, the 'boat' was a luxury yacht. That meant it was well over a hundred-feet long, had multiple rooms, was furnished with the most luxurious furnishing, had several big, powerful engines and was largely run by a computer.

It was also named _I Asked for a Nuclear Submarine and They Gave Me This Stupid Boat_, but that was just Midoya being Midoya. In other words, it was an entirely true and accurate statement.

"How do you expect me to be able to defend my boat against a powerful foreign nation with silverware and lacy curtains?" she argued, quite reasonably Kuroro had to admit. "A nuclear bomb is much more practical in the long-term."

"I couldn't agree more," Kuroro agreed, because in his experience, nuclear bombs are _always_ more useful than silverware and lacy curtains in a war.

Once they climbed onto the yacht (quite literally), Midoya disappeared into the bridge to do whatever it was that was required to be done for a yacht to sail. Pepeka went with her, looking incredibly anxious. Given that Kuroro knew next to nothing about sailing a yacht this big, he decided that the best thing he could do was to get out of their way and explore the yacht. Besides, he was curious about why this boat needed to be so big.

In the course of an hour, he discovered a huge ballroom big enough for at least two hundred people, a well-equipped gym, a bathroom the size of a five-room apartment, a bedroom with a bed as big as the Jacuzzi in the bathroom (interesting possibilities there) and a dining room equipped to feed the two hundred people that presumably occupy the massive ballroom. He also discovered floor panels that disappeared to reveal pits lined with spikes, bricks that depressed to release poisonous arrows and a pool containing tiger sharks that looked disturbingly well-fed.

"I love your ship," Kuroro declared to Midoya once he was back on the bridge. "The snake pit is fantastic. I've always wanted a snake pit since I saw it in that movie about a man killing the local people of an underdeveloped country for embracing their own culture."

"It's not too bad for a nuclear submarine substitute," Midoya agreed reluctantly, pressing a button.

Pepeka made a strangled sound. "Don't touch that, sensei," he pleaded. "You'll overheat the engines."

"Is that so?" Midoya questioned, looking surprised. "What's wrong with overheating the engines?"

"A lot of things, sensei. Just… let me do this, wouldn't you?"

"Well, if that's what you want…" With a shrug, Midoya sidled out of the way.

"Thank you, sensei," Pepeka breathed, looking relieved.

For a moment, the bridge was silent as they watched Pepeka fiddle about. Then Midoya tugged gently on his sleeve to get his attention. Standing on tip-toes, she whispered, "Have you seen the bedroom?"

"Yes I have," Kuroro replied. "Why do you ask?"

"What do you think about the bed?" she murmured.

Kuroro's pulse twitched ever so slightly. "It's a very big bed," he replied with skilled casualness.

"And comfy."

"I have yet to prove that one myself."

Her lips brushed against his earlobe, and he could feel her smile. "Shall we continue where we left off?" she murmured.

"Oh yes," Kuroro agreed as they left the bridge. "We should definitely continue where we left off. It's never good to leave things incomplete after all…"

* * *

Just about the time Midoya, Kuroro and Pepeka were planning their grand escape from her penthouse, Shalnark was busy being cornered by two very sweaty, very flushed and very agitated men.

This was by no means a rare occasion for Shalnark. What with his pretty boy looks and generally innocent appearance, Shalnark often found himself being cornered by men in dark alleys. Usually in those situations, a well-placed chop to the neck solved the issue for him. However, in this case, Shalnark had to admit, things were not looking good. The two men facing him were far better fighters than he was after all. By Shalnark's calculations, any encounter with these men had a ninety-nine per cent chance of him ending with his face pressed to the floor, unconscious, perhaps even dead. However, that didn't mean that he couldn't fight back in his own way.

"Back!" Shalnark shouted, making shooing motions with his hands. "Back off! I can't breathe if you guys keep cornering me like this!" He waved his hands harder, but to no avail. The two men closed in on him like sharks cornering a wounded dolphin.

"Why isn't Dancho back yet?" Phinx demanded, hairless brows drawn together in an angry scowl. "He's been gone for almost two weeks! Why isn't there any news of him?"

"Yeah! Why isn't there any news of Dancho?" Nobunaga joined in, looking just as angry but a lot more hirsute in the brow department. "I thought we were supposed to be planning to move against the chain-user! How are we to do that if Dancho isn't here?"

"Guys, it is really not unusual for Dancho to disappear for weeks on end!" Shalnark shouted, trying to push them back. Did they have any idea how bad they smelled? "Besides, what makes you think I know where Dancho went?"

"Dancho always contacts you!" Nobunaga shouted. "You must know something!"

"But Dancho _hasn't_ been contacting me!" Shalnark wailed.

"Then find a way to contact him, damn it!" Nobunaga roared. "What are your brains good for if not things like this?"

"I _tried_!" Shalnark protested, trying to remain calm and cool in the situation. "I even went looking around York Shin city for him! He hasn't been picking up his phone, I have no idea why, alright!"

"Damn it, you useless nerd!" Phinx shouted.

"Say that to me again when I'm planning our heists!" Shalnark shouted back, annoyance gripping him. "Show a little appreciation, wouldn't you?"

"Has anyone tried asking Kito?" a cool, bored voice interrupted.

All three men turned to level furious glares at the woman sitting a distance away, watching them. "Why would you ask Kito of all people?" Phinx sneered. "What would she know that we wouldn't?"

"Why not?" Machi asked. "Dancho's fucking her, isn't he? Maybe she knows where he is. Men tell things to women they're fucking that they don't tell anyone else."

Phinx's jaw dropped. Nobunaga cringed a little. Shalnark turned red. "That thought… well, it did occur to me. I called Kito once," Shalnark managed to say through his embarrassment. "She said she might have seen him around but she wasn't sure where he was and she would get him to call me when she's sure."

"Really?" Machi asked, and there was that look in her eyes; that look that said her intuition was twanging. "Did she say outright that she didn't know where Dancho is?"

Shalnark blinked and thought about it. "No…" he said slowly. "Actually… her exact words were that she might have seen Dancho around but he wasn't free at the moment."

"And how would she know he wasn't free if she didn't know what he was up to?" Machi asked, smirking triumphantly.

"Kito lied?" Phinx asked, looking confused. "Why did she lie? Oh fuck! Don't tell me… maybe she set Dancho up! Maybe the reason he hasn't been in contact is because she's done something to him! Bitch! We need to go get her!"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Shalnark protested. "Hold your horses. We need to be really clear that Kito has done something to Dancho before we attack her. I mean, she's Dancho's… Dancho's erm… Dancho's…"

"Fuck buddy?" Machi suggested wryly. "Friend with benefits? Potential Ryodan-recruit with significant talent in the sack?"

"Lover?" Nobunaga counter-suggested with a glare. "Girlfriend? Significant other?"

"Something," Shalnark stuttered, took a deep breath and continued, "She's something to Dancho. Besides, she didn't exactly lie. She didn't say she didn't know what Dancho was up to. Maybe she did know what Dancho is up to; she just hadn't seen him around. There are a million and one possibilities, alright? Let's just… let's just find Kito and ask her first, face-to-face this time, so we can tell if she's lying."

"Good idea," Machi drawled and everyone looked expectantly at Shalnark. Shalnark glared back, sighed exasperatedly and pulled out his laptop.

"Let me see," he mumbled. "Where could she be now...? Well, she _is_ a hunter so maybe the Hunter's website will have a clue. Location of Blacklist Hunter Midoya Kito… oh. Hey. Hey guys, look at this." The three Spiders gathered around as Shalnark turned the laptop to face them.

"_Two Star Blacklist Hunter Midoya is currently being hunted by certain factions of the Hunter Association,"_ the virtual bartender declared. _"The attack on her penthouse has gone on for several days now. Please pay two million zennis if you want to know more."_

"Damn. She's under attack?" Phinx breathed. "Is that all the information we have?"

"Yeah," Shalnark said, frowning. "We need to pay if we want to find out more. That's quite a bit of money they're asking, so let's avoid paying for now. Let's see if we can find her penthouse first. We might have to hunt a little… it's unlikely those black market sites will cost less than the Hunter website, but it may be worth a try. Or maybe…"

"Or maybe you can try the directory," Machi suggested. "Under Blacklist Hunters. She _is _a mercenary, right?"

"The directory?" Nobunaga laughed. "Why on earth would she be in the… huh, is that her address?"

All four of them stared at the free directory website Shalnark had found. Machi smirked and Nobunaga flushed with anger. "Erm… yeah," Shalnark said soothingly. "Maybe she's like the Zoldycks. You know… we don't care if you know where we live because you wouldn't survive an attack on our residence anyway." He tilted his head. "Hey, that address is familiar. Odd. The only residence of Kito's I know of is her mansion."

"Is it?" Phinx asked curiously. "I don't recognise it."

"It is," Machi confirmed. "Shalnark… remember that time two years ago... that mission when we were hunting the Book about evil religions?"

"What Book?"

"The mission where Dancho didn't wear his coat."

"Oh, _that_ mission. That was the Kito mission wasn't it? What about it?"

"We trailed Dancho, remember?"

"You _trailed_ Dancho?" Phinx gasped, looking horrified.

"He wasn't wearing his coat. We were worried. It made sense then," Machi said, just a tad defensively. "Anyway, Shalnark, remember where we followed Dancho to?"

Shalnark frowned in thought. Then a look of disbelief flooded his face. "Oh good lord… we followed Dancho to that address." He blinked again. "Holy shit, Dancho knew Kito _before_ we attacked her?"

"Wrong, Shalnark. Dancho was fucking Kito _way_ before we attacked her." Machi shook her head, ignoring Shalnark's strangled sound. "I mean, he left his coat at her place. Guys only do that when they're fucking you, have been fucking you enough to feel comfortable with you. With the level of paranoia we Spiders have, I would say he was fucking her at least six months before we attacked her."

Silence descended on the group as they tried to wrap their minds around that. "Erm… we messed up that mission," Shalnark said tentatively. "Do you think Dancho…"

"Of course not!" Nobunaga snapped, a worried look on his face. "Dancho would never betray us for a woman!"

There was another tensed silence then Phinx tentatively said, "You know, I don't know if any of you noticed, but erm… we've been a little hard on Dancho's nerves lately, what with the flies, maggots and dead bodies… and you know… fighting each other…"

"I noticed," Shalnark admitted. "He was really stressed the day before he left. Like… he tore a book to pieces."

The group gulped collectively. Dancho only destroyed books when he was _really_ upset. "You don't suppose…" Phinx said, looking really worried, "you don't suppose Dancho has… _left_ us, do you?"

"No! Of course he wouldn't!" Nobunaga shouted, as separation-anxiety swept through the group. "Dancho wouldn't do that to us! I mean… he wouldn't… right?"

"Let's ask Kito," Machi suggested urgently. "We find her and get Feitan to make her talk. Is there any way to find out if she's still at her penthouse? Or if she's even still alive? Feitan can't torture a corpse."

"Shalnark!" Phinx said, panicked.

"Sure," Shalnark said quickly, returning to his laptop. "A fancy place like that is bound to have a million and one CCTVs all over the place. Let's see if we can find some footage."

An impatient silence descended over the group as Shalnark pecked away at his laptop. Then he exclaimed, "Ah ha!" as a multitude of black and white screens flickered onto his laptop. "Okay, there's not likely to be CCTVs in her penthouse, but perhaps the elevator that goes up…"

"Wait," Machi said. "Hold on. The screen of the front entrance to the building… Those two there… Look familiar?" All four looked.

"No. Don't recognise them," Phinx said dismissively. A leer spread across his face and he added, "Chick's hot though."

"Chick's Kito," Machi said wryly.

The three men looked harder. "Holy shit! That's Kito!" Phinx exploded. "Damn. I mean, _damn_. She can look good if she actually tries really hard. I mean, with that shit-load of makeup on her face, she looks pretty decent. Is she wearing a corset? It makes her boobs look real nice. And just look at that ass… whoa!" All four of them stared as the man suddenly shoved Kito against a doorframe, pushed that short, _short_ dress up and…

"Holy… shit…" Nobunaga muttered, looking like he couldn't decide if he wanted to keep staring or look away.

"Erm…" Shalnark mumbled, his mouth wide open as he stared fixedly at the screen. "Erm…"

"That's kind of hot," Machi commented casually.

"Erm…" Shalnark whimpered back, looking utterly miserable.

"Holy _fucking_ shit…"

The man turned, his head tilted up just briefly, and they got a good look at the man _touching _Kito.

"Oh god… that's Dancho," Phinx whispered. "I mean… his face looks really shitty, but that's Dancho. That's Dancho… I mean I would recognise him anywhere… And… and are we… we are… are we… are we watching Dancho erm… molest Kito on camera?"

"Yup, we are," Machi said with great relish. "This thing have sound?"

"I'm not playing this out loud!" Shalnark protested, his face flushed.

"Of course not. You geeks only watch porn in the privacy of your own room, with no other company but Mr Hand and his five best friends."

"Machi!"

"Hey, a car," Nobunaga said, sounding faint. "They're getting in… and by getting in I mean Dancho is shoving her in… like he's gonna… oh god, I never knew. Did anyone here know Dancho is into stuff like this?"

"I never even knew Dancho was into women."

"I never even knew Dancho was into sex with anyone or uh… anything."

"_Damn_."

"Am I the only one taking note of the car's license plate?" Machi demanded, crossing her arms. "Because if we're fast, we can catch up with them, you know?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Nobunaga asked, looking horrified. "I don't want to watch Dancho fuck Kito. I want the Dancho in my mind to remain as he has always been; cool, intelligent, _pristine_. Like a baby. A genius baby. A genius baby with tattoos."

"Oh for the love of…" Machi shot Nobunaga an irritated look. "Kito is being hunted by the HA right? Well Dancho is with her. Maybe he needs _help_?"

"Oh… oh right," Nobunaga looked embarrassed. "Any ideas, Shal?"

"Yeah. Yeah… uh, they're obviously breaking the speed limit. Let me tap into speed cameras on the road they're on," Shalnark muttered darkly, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he gave Machi a dirty look, "they seem to be heading for the docks. Docks huh. Well, maybe… ah, I thought so. Says here Kito has a yacht. I think they're trying to get to the yacht. If we leave now, we can reach the docks around the same time as them."

"Alright then, let's go," Machi said, climbing to her feet. "Come on! Let's go ask who else wants to come along then hit the road as fast as possible. If not, the yacht's sailing without us."

"Okay," Shalnark agreed, still feeling faint as he closed his laptop. It suddenly occurred to him that Dancho might not be terribly pleased to see them. After all, he hadn't tried to contact them, had he? On the other hand, Shalnark was incredibly curious. Was Dancho trying to help Kito escape? Why were they heading for the yacht in that case? Exactly what were Dancho's plans?

* * *

At the moment, Kuroro's only plan was getting out from under the deadweight that was an unconscious Midoya.

How he had ended up in this compromising situation was a story in itself. After they had abandoned Pepeka in the bridge, Kuroro and Midoya had retired to her bedroom to continue the competition. With more available space and a closet full of interesting devices, the competition had gained an edge to it. Sometime after Kuroro had managed to cuff Midoya's wrists behind her and before she somehow tangled their legs together with the bed sheets, Pepeka had pounded on the door, yelled something along the lines of going to take a bath and them being very noisy and then retreated.

"We are at an _impasse_ again," Kuroro had commented, ignoring Pepeka's yells.

"I disagree," Midoya had replied from beneath him. "I feel somewhat at a disadvantage without the use of my arms."

Kuroro smiled faintly. "Are you ready to surrender?" he murmured, running his hands along her side. "I, if I may remind you, still have the use of my arms." He had then demonstrated the advantages of that to her and she made a soft, breathy sound of approval.

"Hardly," Midoya purred in response. Twisting in a manner that reminded him of a snake, Midoya performed a series of complex motions that ended up with him beneath her. Smiling widely, she had then proceeded to do something very delightful to his neck with her tongue that brought Kuroro quite abruptly to the edge of wonderful, _wonderful_ pleasure.

Through the haze, Kuroro abruptly realised three things. One, Midoya was about to win. Two, Midoya was about to win even with a handicap. Three, Kuroro really hated losing, even to someone he respected as much as Midoya.

With those realisations in mind, Kuroro had rocked his head up and smashed it into Midoya's. It was purely an accident of course, a tragic accident brought about by his violent writhing on the bed. His head was definitely not infused with just enough Nen to knock Midoya out without hurting her.

The result though, was instantaneous. With a soft gasp, Midoya had slumped against him, unconscious. Kuroro's had smile turned into a grimace. The moment she had fallen unconscious, she had slipped into Zetus, as was her habit. The odd sensation of feeling her body on him but being unable to sense her presence was disorientating. Kuroro had tried to sit up to push her off – only to discover he couldn't. While he had been distracted by the honeyed warmth of her tongue sliding over his neck (a shiver ran down his spine at the memory), she had managed to tangle his arms in the bed sheets as well, resulting in him being tied to her with said sheets.

Staring at the ceiling and pondering over how much he hated it when his plans back-fire was not exactly very productive, hence Kuroro had decided to try to wriggle out from under her. This was how Kuroro had ended up rocking from side to side, trying to flip over so he could free his arms from Midoya's death-grip. Finally, through the strenuous exertions of his abdominal muscles, Kuroro managed to flip Midoya over. It was not done as smoothly as she had done it, and Kuroro ended up sprawling over her.

And of course, at that very moment, the Ryodan walked in through the window.

* * *

Unlike Shalnark and Dancho, Nobunaga always had less faith in the power of rational, logical thought than in the power of emotions and instincts. Despite his constant ribbing of people like Machi and Ubo, and their reliance on startlingly accurate hunches, Nobunaga had always had great admiration for them because of that. While rational thought was all good and well, what really mattered in a fight, Nobunaga always felt, was instinct. Humans always reacted faster to the conclusions of the subconscious mind after all. And what better driving force and motivation was there other than emotions? Doing what one _felt_ was right was always more meaningful and powerful than doing what one _knew_ was right.

Hence, unlike _some_ members of the Ryodan, Nobunaga had never found emotions and feelings a sign of weakness. That was why he was absolutely certain Dancho was in love with that Kito woman. Why else would Dancho actually help Kito resist the Hunter Association if he didn't _feel_ something for Kito? To risk his life like that, Dancho obviously loved the woman. This was not the view shared by many of the members. Opinions on Dancho's relationship with Kito ranged from 'using her for sex' to 'using her for her connections with the mafia' to 'using her for her powers'. Everyone _assumed_ the relationship was based on nothing more than the usefulness of Kito. Well, Nobunaga disagreed with that. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that once they met Dancho, the other Ryodan members would have to admit that Nobunaga was right and that Dancho had _feelings_ goddamn it.

It was thus with great confidence that Nobunaga had strode towards the docks with Phinx, Shalnark, Machi and Feitan in tow. "Alright," Nobunaga declared loudly, "which boat is the one Dancho's in?" He glanced behind at Shalnark who was studying a sheet of paper.

"Well, according to this information, Kito's yacht is a luxury yacht named _I Asked for a Nuclear Submarine and They Gave Me This Stupid Boat_." Shalnark looked up and around. "It's going to be hard locating that yacht; all the yachts here are luxury yachts."

"Could it be that one?" Feitan asked, pointing at a departing yacht.

They all turned to stare. The yacht had started to turn as it headed for open seas so they couldn't see the full name of the yacht. The words _Stupid Boat_ stood out clearly though. "Yup, that's it," Shalnark said.

"It's leaving," Machi pointed out. "I don't think we want to swim after it."

"Oh, no worries," Shalnark said cheerfully. "If I remember correctly, our old teacher from Meteor City has a fishing boat somewhere around here…"

He did. He was also very unhappy to see them and swore to kill Dancho the next time they met. ("He already took my best boat! Why are you now taking my second best boat! And put Suzie down! She's the only one I can talk to nowadays! Blast you! Damn you! Go to hell you motherfucking bastards!")

Following that, with just a bit of rowing, bailing and at a point, swimming, the Ryodan members managed to catch up with the yacht. That was then followed by a great deal of climbing, cursing and a brief battle between Feitan and a curious shark. Finally, the Ryodan members found themselves on the deck of the yacht, which sported both a miniature golf course, a swimming pool and a guillotine.

"Ooh," they said collectively in stereo as they admired the guillotine.

"We need one of these in our base," Feitan said, running an admiring finger along the sharp blade, stained ever so subtly with blood.

"We'll convince Dancho to steal one," Phinx said supportively.

"In the meantime…?" Shalnark nodded meaningfully to the bridge. "Let's go find Dancho."

As they neared the bridge, Nobunaga felt something brush past his senses. He recognised it immediately; it was Dancho's familiar and comforting presence. "He's in that room," he said, pointing to a massive window.

"Yes," Feitan agreed. "I can sense Dancho's presence. It seems he is alone."

Swiftly, they started to scale the walls, fingers and toes locating crevices in the smooth surface of the wall expertly as they climbed. Halfway up, gigantic, ferocious, drooling cats with massive bat wings descended upon them. Despite their previous consensus about not killing any of Kito's staff, they were forced to respond with lethal force. Then the massive cockroaches scuttled up from the bottom of the yacht. Nobunaga, who had a secret phobia of cockroaches, dealt with them with perhaps a little more force than was necessarily (they say if you cut a cockroach's head off, it can still move for an _entire week_ so of course he needed to smash them up).

Finally, just before they reached the window which led to the room they sensed Dancho was in, thick, thorny vines erupted from the walls and grabbed at them. Shalnark, being the least experienced fighter between them, got trapped by the vines. They saved him before he could be crushed and Phinx made a biting joke about the pornographic potentialities of leaving Shalnark trapped by the vines. Shalnark, red in the face, had replied sharply that there was no way vines that thick were fitting anywhere in his body without killing him and just because his face didn't look like it got hit repeatedly with a baseball bat didn't mean he liked having phallic objects stuffed up his you-know-what so Phinx should just shut it. Machi then told them all to shut it because she was frankly quite sick of hearing porn jokes unless she was the one making them and why do men love talking about penises so much anyway because it's not like those things were good for anything but making women pregnant and repopulating the earth with more ridiculous humans. They obliging shut it (partly because they knew Machi could sew their mouths up in a snap if she wanted to, though no one would ever admit that).

Then they were at the bottom of the window. There, they paused for a second, just in case more strange mutant animals wanted to come out and eat them and/or do strange and disturbing things to Shalnark ("Will you stop that, Phinx?" "Maybe when you finally hit puberty." "Both of you shut up or I'm going to sew your mouths up for real this time."). Nothing happened, so the Ryodan members vaulted over the ledge of the window – only to be greeted by the sight of Dancho holding a half-naked corpse _in a very sexual way_.

Nobunaga stood frozen on the ledge of the window, his mouth hanging open with shock at the sight of Dancho lying on Kito's undressed corpse. Yes, Nobunaga was aware that members of the Ryodan had the weirdest fetishes and yes, he was also aware that Dancho tended to be attracted to and obsessed about the weirdest things (like beautifully-coloured body parts), but to walk in on Dancho kneeling between a corpse's bare legs was just so _wrong. _

Abruptly, it occurred to him that they had not just walked in on Dancho fucking Kito. They had walked in on Dancho fucking Kito after he murdered her. Nobunaga's eyes widened in horror. What on earth had happened to his chaste genius baby?

"Dancho…" he stammered weakly.

"Nobunaga," Dancho said, frowning as he sat up and zipped up his pants. "Phinx, Feitan, Machi… Shalnark. This is unexpected. What are you doing here?"

"Um…" Shalnark stammered, looking as stunned as Nobunaga felt. "Um…"

"We heard that Kito was being attacked by factions of the HA," Machi said, sounding remarkably calm. "And we saw footage of you with her. So we thought we would come along and help out."

"I see. I did not expect to be recognised so easily. This might be cause for concern," Dancho said, though his frown did not vanish. "Well, as much as I appreciate the effort, we didn't really need much help. We have hit upon a solution that has, potentially, solved the problem for us."

The perfect solution? Nobunaga frowned for a moment before he got it. Of course. Kito was dead. There was no need to protect her anymore. What a perfect solution.

"So… uh…" Phinx said lightly. "What happened to Kito?" Nobunaga's eyes flittered towards the corpse involuntary. Her arms were cuffed behind her back. Her dress, the same one she had been wearing in the video, had been torn half off. Her face showed a bruise right next to her left temple. And of course, he couldn't sense her presence, the tell-tale sign of a corpse. Nobunaga looked at the numerous scratches along her arms and the bite marks around her neck, and a jolt of pity ran through him. He didn't think she went down easy. Obviously, this solution had been Dancho's idea, not hers.

Dancho's eyes flickered towards the corpse as well and hesitation actually fluttered over his face. "Things," he said vaguely and pulled a blanket over her body. "Never mind her. She'll be fine where she is for now."

"It's not like we're judging you or anything," Nobunaga blurted out, because as much as he had wanted to prove Dancho really loved Kito, even more still, he did not want Dancho to feel alienated from them because of his… his… _preferences_.

Dancho stared at him with a look of surprise and bewilderment. "Well of course," he said in a reasonable voice, "fetishes such as these are very common. Undoubtedly, many of you have met people who like these things as well."

Good lord, his genius baby…! "Should we… erm…" Shalnark suggested hesitantly, "should we toss her overboard? She might start to smell."

Dancho's forehead actually started to crease with confusion. "Why would we toss her overboard? I have mentioned this before; Midoya is an extremely useful ally to have. Even with the situation as it is now, I can think of many ways to use her. Besides, I don't find her smell offensive, but if you do, a good wash should do the trick."

Nobunaga had to struggle not to look as horrified as Shalnark. "Right, right," he said quickly, because he really didn't want Dancho to elaborate on how he wanted to _use_ Kito. "We totally understand, Dancho. Totally."

"But of course," Dancho agreed. "It is not a difficult concept to grasp." He adjusted his top which was missing several buttons absent-mindedly. "I did not expect the Ryodan to take part in this particular mission, but since you are all here, I might as well brief you on the…"

The corpse sat up.

"Fuck!" Machi, who was nearest to the bed, swore, leaping back immediately. Shalnark actually cried out in shock. In the blink of an eye, Nobunaga had his sword out. Then before he could control himself, his sword was slashing towards the corpse even as Machi flung a handful of needles in the same direction. The corpse blinked sleepily, slapped Nobunaga's sword away with one hand and caught all of Machi's needles in the other. Nen flooded her dull eyes and they started to turn silver.

"Everybody stop," Dancho said sharply, and all of them, except for the corpse, froze immediately, staring at him.

"Whuh…?" the corpse mumbled, swaying dizzily. Her eyes went to her hand that now resembled a pin-cushion more than a hand. "Hey look, needles." Eyelids flowed smoothly over the silver eyes then the dull silver eyes cleared and hardened. "Kuroro Lucifer!" the corpse cried in an outraged voice. "You hit me! You actually _hit_ me hard enough to knock me out! During sex too!"

Nobunaga's eyebrows shot skyward as all of them stared at Dancho.

"I did," Dancho said, actually looking a little embarrassed. "My apologies. I had not meant to hit you that hard. It was meant to be a little bit of… uh… foreplay."

"Oh, _you_," the corpse groaned, rolling her eyes, "I know perfectly well you meant to hit me that hard and that it had nothing to do with foreplay. You wouldn't be Kuroro if you weren't cheating, and the Nen you infused your attack with was _definitely_ cheating."

Inexplicably (to Nobunaga at least), a smile spread across Dancho's face. "Yes, that is true," he admitted. "Come let me un-cuff you and re-introduce you to our newcomers."

"Newcomers? Oh. Goodness me. There are so many people in this room. When did this happen? Are we having an orgy? If we are, I kind of want to remain cuffed."

Nobunaga was sure Shalnark's face was going to explode from all the blood flooding into it. It wasn't something he especially wanted to see, but watching Shalnark's head explode was better than looking anywhere _near_ Kito or Dancho at the moment.

"No, we're not having an orgy," Dancho said, his voice cool and calm and entirely not the least bit affected. "No orgies till we are all introduced, at least." Shalnark made a scandalized sound. Phinx coughed embarrassedly. Even Feitan looked somewhat awkward (or he could simply just be zoning out; it was hard to tell since he was still wearing his mask).

As Dancho climbed onto the bed and started to undo the cuffs, the Ryodan members exchanged confused looks. "Dancho, isn't she supposed to be dead?" Nobunaga demanded, wondering if Dancho had found a way to animate the corpse of his dearly departed and whether Dancho intended to use the same power on the Ryodan members.

Both Dancho and Kito stared at him. "Hi Ryodan member whom I recognise but whose name I do not know. Why are you here and why am I dead?" Kito demanded.

Why is she dead? Nobunaga blinked. That was a very good question. "Just now we couldn't sense your… presence?" Nobunaga tried tentatively. "You know… like you were a corpse…?"

"Oh." Dancho smiled, looking genuinely amused, a sight rarer than most of them liked to think. "It's a habit of hers. She goes into Zetsu when she falls asleep. Quite a useful habit actually."

Oh. Ohhhhh! Nobunaga grinned weakly with relief. So _that's_ what happened. So Dancho hadn't been… hadn't been… right. So Dancho wasn't doing weird things with a corpse. Nobunaga felt so much better now. "Damn, you scared the hell out of us, Kito," he said brusquely.

"I apologize," Kito said though she couldn't possibly know what he was talking about. Tugging her dress about so it was decent (or as decent as a dress that length could get) again, she added, "What have I missed while I was unconscious because your Dancho likes to play dirty during bondage sex?"

Nobunaga's jaw dropped. Shalnark gasped. Machi sniggered. Feitan looked mildly interested. "Uh…"

"No wait, don't tell me first. I want to clean up. I'm covered with all sorts of things most of you probably don't want to hear about." With a surprisingly graceful motion that somehow managed to retain her modesty, Kito vaulted off the bed. "Kuroro, show them around, wouldn't you? I'll find you in the office later."

Before Dancho could reply, Machi said calmly, "You know, I can see your panties, Kito." Nobunaga choked on nothing. The conversation among the rest of the group died an awkward and embarrassed death.

"Is that so?" Midoya replied absently. "My dress is a little short, I suppose, but it's all for a good reason."

"Yeah, your dress is pretty short. That's not why I can see your panties though. Your panties are stuffed in your stockings."

Nobunaga choked even harder, inspiring Phinx to pound on his back. Midoya blinked and looked down. Dancho carefully didn't blink and pulled his most innocent face on (not that it was fooling any of them). "Ah. Right." With a casual gesture, Midoya extracted the panties from her stocking. "I should probably put this on, I suppose."

"Huh."

"What with my dress being rather short and all that."

"Uh huh."

"If you will excuse me…" Midoya turned and left the room.

The silence continued for a while then Shalnark coughed embarrassedly. "So," he said in the tone of one desperately trying to change the topic, "what happened to your shirt, Dancho? Did you get into a fight?"

"Well," Dancho began. "It's a rather long story. First, I probably have to explain the reason why I…"

"Probably the same thing that happened to Kito's panties," Machi interrupted bluntly.

And that signalled the end of the conversation.

* * *

A/N: Uh… not many notes to make of this chapter. As usual, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and do leave a review!

Trivial: Midoya, as Kuroro noted, was indeed very talented with her feet. She could do many things with her feet, including wielding a knife, riding a bucking wild-boar, and sewing a heat-proof, water-proof tent together from scratch. Once, she fought on a thirty-day long campaign against the infamously fierce Ingrakot warriors using only her feet. Because of their impeccable service to the Hunter Association and courage demonstrated in the Thirty-Day-War-on-Ingrakot, her feet have been awarded the Hunter Association Finest Military Service Badge, the highest honour that can be bestowed on a soldier. They are the only feet to date to have received this Badge.

Trivial within a trivial: Officially, Midoya had fought the war using only her feet because she had, as the report stated, broken both her arms jumping out of a blimp. The official report was an outright lie told by Netero to cover up one of the most embarrassing events of the Hunter Association. The truth was, Mizaistom had made a bet that Midoya could not fight a thirty-day campaign without using her hands. Midoya had countered that by betting Mizaistom could not fight a thirty-day campaign without using _his_ hands.

The behavior of his subordinates had not been the embarrassing thing for Netero. The embarrassing thing had been that Mizaistom, one of his Zodiacs, had been a strategist sitting in a tent planning the course of the war, and Midoya a soldier out on the battlefields fighting for her life, and Midoya had _still_ won both bets.


	6. Weird Ones, Pariston and

A/N:Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Weird Ones, Pariston and Uncomfortable Discoveries

Fifteen minutes after Midoya disappeared into the bathroom, eliciting a series of gut-wrenching, horrified screams from Pepeka ("The person screaming is Pepeka Timbal, Midoya's disciple. Be nice to him."), Kuroro started explaining the situation as it stood to the Ryodan.

Just as Kuroro brought them up to date, a group of Hunters burst in through the window. For a moment, the two different groups had stared at each other over the expanse that was Midoya's bedroom in utter shock. The Hunters had, undoubtedly, been warned that Midoya had the help of Pepeka Timbal and one unknown male. However, they hadn't expected to walk into a room full of powerful Nen-users, and the sudden realisation that they did not have that much of an advantage had frozen them in their tracks. Kuroro, on the other hand, was exasperated into inaction by how Midoya tended to have the tightest security measures at her doors but none at her windows, and how that knowledge was _publicly known_. Then the moment broke, and the two groups flew at each other in a clash of powers.

The Ryodan members, Kuroro decided after a split second's observation, were slightly better, more experienced fighters, but the Hunters scored in terms of quantity. Certainly, the two Hunters who converged on Kuroro in a blur of claws, fangs and silk scarves (really much scarier than it sounded) were powerful enough to put up a serious fight. That made for the necessity for some rather inventive dodging before Kuroro found an opening. He took it, darting in-between the two fighters to take out the one with the claws and fangs. The young man (with a lean and hungry look, Kuroro's poetic side insisted) dropped to the ground, eyes wide with the blank, sightless stare of a fully paralyzed man.

Brandishing his Benz knife, Kuroro had barely just turned to face the other understandably stunned Hunter when Midoya emerged from the bathroom. She took one look at the chaos that was her bedroom and slapped the nearest Hunter across the face. The Hunter flew across the length of the room, crashed into a lovely, and probably very expensive, flower decoration, and dropped dead, his neck snapped in half.

"Ouch," Shalnark commented, wincing, as he broke his opponent's nose and jaw.

"Arrrgggghhhhhh!" his opponent responded, screaming wordlessly in pain before choking to death on his own blood.

Then, obviously having heard the commotion, Pepeka emerged from the bathroom, shirtless and still wet. He took one look around, and the expression of hostility on his face melted into confusion. "Why are there so many people here and who's on our side?" he demanded, glaring at all the people in the room with equal annoyance.

"The weird ones are on our side," Midoya replied, slapping another Hunter into a wall, where he crumbled to the floor, bleeding out of his ears.

"Oh. Thanks sensei." Without another word, Pepeka leapt into the battle, blazing with Nen and howling for blood.

"Why are _we_ the weird ones?" Feitan asked, bemused, as Pepeka body slammed the Hunter he had been fighting and crushed her skull between two powerful hands. "And why did that buffoon just steal my prey?"

"He's a psychologically well-adjusted member of normal society," Kuroro replied diplomatically. "He doesn't know what he's doing."

"Stuff it, Lucifer!" Pepeka howled, having instinctively sensed an insult in Kuroro's comment, and continued kicking people about, massive arms bulging and glowing with Nen.

"Doesn't he remind you of Ubo?" Nobunaga asked suddenly, eyes lighting up. "That buffoon, I mean. He's kind of like Ubo, isn't he, except for the fact that he is socially well-adjusted and not that hairy?"

"You know," Phinx commented casually as he broke a couple of necks, "we all liked Ubo very much and we were pretty sad he died, but your obsession with Ubo is getting a _little_ freaky."

"What the hell? What does that mean, Phinx?"

"There's nothing wrong with obsession," Kuroro observed from behind them as he dodged the silk scarf nimbly. "Obsession is but the body informing you of what you desire most. There is nothing wrong with listening to the demands of your body."

"Dancho, that totally does not make Nobu any less freaky."

"I am not freaky!" Nobunaga shouted then was forced to dodge as Midoya sent a Hunter flying in his direction. "Kito!" he roared angrily.

"Sorry," Midoya replied cheerfully. "I am having too much fun. I haven't been in a brawl this confusing and messy since that time I ran off with the crown prince of Jio." She paused to break a Hunter's arm and added, almost sheepishly, "In my defense, I didn't realize the cute, fluffy dog _was_ the crown prince of Jio…"

"It's an easy mistake to make," Kuroro said comfortingly as he finally caught hold of his opponent's neck and broke it. Satisfied with the dead body in his hands, he looked around idly. Pepeka was finishing off the last of the Hunters, the rest of the Ryodan were standing around staring at the dismembered bodies on the ground, and Midoya was wiping her hands on the bathrobe she was wearing. "It seems your enemies have found us, Midoya."

"Annoying buggers," Midoya agreed with a great deal more cheer than he would have expected, carefully stepping over dead bodies until she reached the Hunter Kuroro had paralyzed with his Benz knife. "You kept this one alive."

"For questioning," Kuroro confirmed. "While it is all fine and well that we are seeking Pariston's help, I feel the least we could do is find out exactly who is the mastermind behind the attacks on you. It might give us a bit of an advantage when choosing our allies." He propped the wide-eyed Hunter up and administered the antidote. While the Hunter recovered, he secured his arms and legs with the Hunter's own belt.

"Shall I begin?" Feitan asked, stepping forward automatically, but Midoya held up a hand to stop him.

"Let me try," Midoya suggested.

"What? Why is _she_ stealing my prey too? Don't tell me she is well-adjusted too! I mean, she's screwing Dancho! How well-adjusted can she be?" Feitan growled at Phinx, looking annoyed. Phinx shrugged, not looking particularly bothered.

Ignoring him, Midoya prodded the Hunter who was slowly starting to twitch. "Can you talk yet?" she asked kindly.

"Blirtch," the Hunter slurred, giving her an unfocused glare.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't understand that." Midoya's voice was as soft and as a gentle as a down pillow. It was strangely hypnotic and made Kuroro want to snuggle up to her.

"No, you got it wrong," Feitan protested, obviously immune to soft, cuddly down pillows. "That's not how you torture somebody. You have to start with the fingernails. For something that can grow back, they sure cause a lot of pain. Then you move on to the finger joints. _Those _wouldn't grow back properly, and there are so many of them. You can spend the whole day just cracking finger joints. It's quite addictive, like eating peanuts."

"Thank you, I shall take that into consideration," Midoya replied politely. Then she prodded the Hunter with her toe again. "Can you speak now?"

"You are in deep shit," the Hunter mumbled through numbed lips. "Teaming up with the Ryodan? We always knew you were trouble, you fucking traitor, but even this is beyond anything we ever imagined. Don't know what Netero was thinking taking you in as his disciple and letting you…"

"The Ryodan?" Pepeka interrupted, looking shocked. "These are the Ryodan?"

"Ryodan?" Midoya asked, looking just as surprised. "I have teamed up with the Ryodan?"

"We have teamed up with the Ryodan?" Pepeka squeaked, horrified.

"Technically, you haven't," Kuroro told them. "They kind of crashed the party themselves, as the saying goes."

"Oh right, technically, I haven't," Midoya told the Hunter. "Anyway, that's not important. What I want to know is which Zodiac member sent you."

The Hunter glared woozily at her. "I ain't telling you," he protested. "There's nothing you can do that will make me tell you."

"Fingernails and needles?" Feitan suggested helpfully. "Pliers and fingers? Oh, oh! I know! _Both_ at the same time."

Gently, almost maternally, Midoya leaned over the prone figure on the floor... and _smiled_. Pepeka and Kuroro, who both knew the drill, hid behind sturdy furniture immediately. The rest of the Ryodan stared and gaped. The Hunter's face turned a deathly shade of white. "Which member of the Zodiac sent you?" she asked, her voice as soft and as kind as a teddy bear that had been animated by a demon and was now going on a murderous rampage around a lovely suburban home with a chainsaw and a bag full of jalapenos.

"I don't know. We got our orders from Quincy. Quincy's the only one who knows which member of the Zodiac is after you," the Hunter (who had not survived this long by being _stupid_) replied immediately. "But what I do know is that all of the Zodiacs are moving to The Fort, so if you want to like hunt them down or something, that's where you should go."

"All of the Zodiacs? Including Pariston?" Midoya asked, frowning slightly.

"Yes, Ma'am. That's what we were told."

"I see," Midoya said, her voice motherly and gentle. "It is very kind of you to tell me that."

"Not a problem," the Hunter said, bravely smiling through his terror.

"If I find out you lied to me though," Midoya went on, gently tapping the side of her face in thought. "I will…" She paused. "I think I'll leave that up to your imagination. Just remember this. Whatever your imagination conjures, it will be ten times less painful and less terrifying than what I will do to you. Of course, the price you will have to pay if you ever tell anyone you saw me with the Ryodan will be… quite hefty too. No worries, I will not kill you. I am not that merciful." She smiled brightly. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all," the Hunter (who had already decided to sell his license and retire from the industry) replied swiftly.

"Well then," Midoya said, straightening up and brushing her hands together. "I am very glad we could solve this amicably." She turned and regarded the Ryodan members, who were still staring at her with varying degrees of admiration and dread, with an absent-minded smile.

"You have to teach me how to do that," Feitan told her. "It's not bloody enough for me, truth be told, and I feel like your technique fails when it comes to the quantity and quality of screaming, but somehow, that was probably the most frightening interrogation I have ever seen."

"Thank you," Midoya beamed. "Sure, I'll teach you if you want, the next time we catch another Hunter."

"Good," Feitan said, looking as pleased as he ever could.

Though Kuroro was happy that Midoya was getting along with the other members of the Ryodan, there were matters at hand that were in more urgent need of discussion. "Midoya," he interrupted, "what is this Fort and where is it?"

"I have no idea," Midoya replied cheerfully. "Only thing I know about it, is that it is a secret base that the higher ranked Hunters retire to in the event of a nuclear attack, zombie apocalypse or any other end-of-the-world situation You know, a bunker to hole up in and make babies until whatever is killing people outside the bunker has gone away."

"Aren't you a higher ranked Hunter?" Machi asked reasonably. "Why don't you know where this Fort is?"

"Because 'an attack by Blacklist Hunter Midoya' is considered an apocalyptic situation of sorts," Midoya confessed, smiling bashfully.

There was a moment of silence then Phinx said, "Fuck, _I _want to be considered an apocalyptic situation."

"Me too," Nobunaga seconded enviously.

"We should be on the list," Shalnark agreed. "I mean, I could shut down the life support system in all the hospitals in York Shin City in thirty seconds."

"And I can burn the whole city to crisp in under a minute," Feitan added.

"Dancho! Let's prove that we can be apocalyptic situations too!" Nobunaga shouted excitedly.

"All in good time," Kuroro said (though he had to admit, it was a _very_ intriguing prospect, trying to fit the Ryodan onto that list). "We have other more immediate things to attend to. Midoya, regarding Pariston…"

"Yes, that terrible, sneaky bastard," Midoya said, her frown deepening, "He has left for the Fort without informing us. He is planning something, that bastard, and I have no idea what it is. He might be setting me up, he might be setting the Zodiac out to get me up. If I had to guess, I would say he is doing both at the same time."

"Sneaky bastard," Pepeka agreed, looking frustrated. "What the fuck do we do now, sensei?"

All eyes went to Midoya. She smiled grimly and said, "What else? We contact that bastard and ask him about it."

* * *

All things considered, Pariston was extremely pleased with himself. The game was still on, still fiery hot, thanks to dear Midoya breaking out of her penthouse like that (and what excellent footage there was; all for his private viewing of course; blackmail is _so_ passé these days). At this point, Pariston wasn't entirely sure which side was going to win, or even which side he hoped would win. But that uncertainly only made the game all that more exciting. This was the best thing that had happened to him since the Chimera Ant mission.

Smiling, Pariston looked around his office in the Fort. Undoubtedly, Midoya would discover soon enough that all the Zodiacs had moved to the Fort. Doubly undoubtedly, she would be extremely annoyed that he had moved from the Port City HQ to this unknown location without telling her. Pariston looked forward to that. Midoya did the most amazing things when she was annoyed. The levels of creative violence and downright devious plotting she could ascend to were astounding. The woman was amazingly intelligent and devious; she could easily turn the entire world into her playground and revel in it as the world burned. However, whether because she was reluctant to break the world or just plain lazy, she had never attempted to actually do it. But Pariston knew her well, knew how fragile her restraints were. With just the smallest push, the tiniest nudge… the world would become a much more interesting place, thanks to the lovely Midoya.

"Sir, coffee."

Pariston turned to bestow his smile on the bald man next to him. "Thank you, Beans," he beamed. "How are the other Zodiacs doing? I hope they have settled in quite comfortably."

"Yes, I believe they have, sir," Beans replied.

"Excellent… ah…" Pariston stared at the laptop on the table that had started to beep. "A video call." He pressed the 'accept' button without bothering to check who was calling. Only a handful of people had access to his personal line anyway, and all of them were trusted allies to varying degrees. In hindsight, he really should have been a little more careful.

Midoya's face popped onto screen; surprisingly clean of makeup but with a smear of blood just next to a terrifying, blood-chilling smile. _"Greetings my dearest Pariston,"_ she greeted cheerfully. _"Do you like sex toys?"_

Beans gasped and dropped the cup of coffee. Pariston's smile twitched. "Hello dear Midoya. How on earth did you get my contact details? Well, no matter. It is good to see you are still alive," he said, smiling widely. "Goodness, what a naughty question though. I wonder how I should reply." He paused and pursed his lips. "What are you going to do if I say yes?"

"_I would find you and shove five up a very uncomfortable place in your body of course, thus curing you of your fondness for sex toys for the rest of your life,"_ she replied, the smile on her face widening with genuine the background, a male voice gasped in horror. Pariston recognized the boisterous voice of Pepeka Timbal. It was quickly hushed by another male voice, this one cooler and much more melodious. That must be the unidentified male figure who had been spotted living with Midoya.

"Ah, I guess you are saying I am fucked," Pariston said sadly. "You must be angry with me. Have I done something to earn your wrath?"

"_You mean other than running off to the Fort after telling me you will meet me in Port City? Dear Pariston, it is times like this I sincerely wish the HA had given me the nuclear sub I asked for instead of this stupid luxury yacht."_

"My dear, surely you don't mean that," Pariston said mournfully. "I would be truly sad if you tried to kill me using a bomb instead of your bare hands."

"_Kill you? Dear Pariston, why on earth would I want to kill you when I can do other far more interesting things to you? You will never guess how much damage radiation can do to human beings without actually killing them. I have always wished to test the theory that prolonged exposure to large amounts of radiation can truly alter the human body at the genetic level and result in the most fascinating and hideous mutations."_ A chill actually ran down Pariston's back at that, and he wasn't utterly sure it was just from fear. _"But that is for later, my beloved. Now, as you must have guessed, I have some questions for you…" _

"The Fort is in the continent of Hun," Pariston said then smiled at the surprised look on her face. "It's in the mountain Hun-ein. To be accurate, the entire mountain _is_ the Fort. Given that it is the largest mountain in Hun, I doubt you will miss it."

Midoya was silent for a while, looking at his face searchingly with those startling intense eyes of hers. Finally she said lightly, _"I doubt I will too. Pariston, now that I will be seeing you at the Fort instead of Port City, I am going to be encountering most of the other members of the Zodiac. So tell me, which Zodiac is trying to kill me? Don't bother saying you don't know. I already know that you know."_

Pariston grinned boyishly. "If I told you everything you need to know, this game would hardly be fun now, would it?" his smile widened at the look on her face. "Dear Midoya, my sweet little Midoya. All the answers are to be found at the Fort. Once you reach, we will have a wonderful time sorting this mess out together. You have no idea how much I have missed working alongside you."

The image on screen nodded grimly. _"Very well, if that is how you want to play this,"_ she said. Then she leaned closer to the screen and said, _"When I asked Pariston if he liked sex toys, it was a rhetoric question."_ Beans blinked, having realised she was addressing him. Pariston watched her face curiously, wondering what she was up to. _"I know full well that he likes sex toys because he once turned up at a brothel I own. Of course he didn't know I owned it then. But he certainly knew it was a brothel that catered to a very specific brand of fetishes."_ Beans's jaw dropped. Pariston's jaw clenched though his smile remained. _"He liked the dominatrix he hired a lot. Guess who saw Pariston in the lobby and decided to come down and mess with him? And guess who had the foresight to take videos."_ A wide, feral grin spread across her face as she purred,_ "My, my, this game of yours is really quite fun, Pariston. I think I am beginning to enjoy myself. See you at the Fort, love."_ Abruptly, the call ended.

Ignoring Beans's accusing stare, Pariston closed the laptop and breathed in deeply. Apparently blackmail wasn't too passé for Midoya. Well, he should have known that. In some surprising ways, Midoya, scion of one of the oldest families in York Shin, was quite an old-fashioned lady. Still, this video had proven his judgment of her accurate. The levels of creative violence she could ascend to… were absolutely fascinating. He just had to find a way to direct it against someone else other than himself.

Unless she donned the dominatrix outfit again…

* * *

Pepeka plopped down roughly onto a conveniently placed couch. "Brothel?" he croaked. "Sensei, did you say 'brothel'?"

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"Yes, I did say 'brothel'. What's wrong?" Midoya asked.

"Sensei… you own a brothel?"

"Of course I do," Midoya said, looking puzzled. "Everyone knows that, right?" A chorus of positive responses greeted that statement.

"Except for Pepeka, evidently," Kuroro commented dryly. "I am beginning to think he doesn't know about… well, _you_, Midoya."

"Know what about sensei?" Pepeka demanded, looking annoyed.

"That Midoya is June Kito, rich heiress and honorary Mafia. Didn't we mention this the previous time when I was trying to obtain the Greed Island console?"

"What? No! I remember you mentioned the name, but no one told me that was sensei!" Pepeka exploded. "What the fuck…! Why do I not know this? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you tell _Kuroro_ and not me? I've known you so much longer! Damn it, I will never understand you, sensei! You are an honorary _Mafia_? Why do you associate with the Mafia? Those buggers are fucking dangerous! One wrong step and the whole organization will be after you. I know, I know," Pepeka went on when Kuroro opened his mouth to protest, "The Genei Ryodan fucked the Mafia over and got away with it. But that's different. You guys don't even exist legally. Midoya-sensei has a legal existence. Hell, if she really is June Kito, she has a fucking_ huge_ legal existence. She can't just up and vanish."

"I'm sure she has her reasons," Kuroro said with a shrug. ("I forgot," Midoya whispered guiltily in a voice soft enough that only Kuroro heard.) "There are benefits to cooperating with the Mafia. After all, the sex industry run by the mafia is a very profitable one."

"One brothel isn't a fucking sex industry, Kuroro! How much can one brothel earn in a day?"

"I believe Midoya owns more than one brothel. A closer estimate would be… twenty?"

Pepeka's jaw dropped.

"Closer but far from accurate, dear Kuroro. I own over half the red-light district in York Shin. That's more like fifty brothels."

Pepeka's mouth remained hanging open. "Do you mean to tell me…" he said slowly, "that Midoya-sensei is… _the_ primary force behind the sex industry in York Shin?"

"Oh yes," Midoya agreed. "It's a multi-billion enterprise."

For the rest of the trip, Pepeka remained red faced and utterly silent.

* * *

A/N: This is, unfortunately, an unforgivably short chapter. The reason being that my laptop had decided to expire on me in the most abrupt and rude way, thus depriving me of the rest of the story. Still, I wanted to deliver a chapter this week, as promised, hence I uploaded whatever I could find at the moment. I promise the next chapter will be a lot better, and as usual, hope that you, my dear reader, still enjoyed this chapter anyway.

Trivial: In truth, Pariston hadn't really been _into_ sadomasochism. That night he had walked into a Kito-owned brothel, he had been on a mission. The mission had been relatively simple: find and kill a specific politician whose policies were dangerous for the stability of York Shin society. Given the fact that his target was a well-placed, highly powerful one, his mission had necessitated that he remained unidentifiable as the killer, and thus he had planned to pass off as a customer. When he saw the dominatrix coming up to meet him however, all thoughts of completing his mission had flown out of his head.

The dominatrix, was by no means beautiful. She was short, on the plump side, and any attractive features that may be on her face had been hidden by a black leather mask that covered her entire face. However, the moment she walked into the lobby, all eyes had went to her. It was the way she moved, back straight, head held high that drew attention to her. She held herself like a queen and moved like a leopard; her eyes, barely visible behind the mask, were sharp, predatory and hungry; her lips were curled into a smile that was both friendly and aggressive, respectful and demeaning, confident and reserved. She did not have a whip on her, and save for the mask, wore none of the paraphernalia most of her ilk wore. Instead, she wore a long, flowing white dress, more appropriate on the set of some medieval drama than in a brothel of this kind. Yet, she still gave the impression that she could bend any man to her will, could force any man to his knees, make any man cry out in pleasure and pain, for the whip she wielded was in her mind, and that was a whip more superior to any physical one.

Never in his life had Pariston wanted a woman more than he did at that moment. It didn't help that he recognised Midoya behind the mask. It only made him one to play with her more.

Three very painful and unforgettable hours later, Pariston had finally found himself limping out of the brothel, trying to figure out if he should head for his hotel or a hospital. It was remarkable he was still alive, and even more remarkable that after her session he had still managed to complete his mission successfully. If he hadn't used Nen to protect himself during certain moments, he would undoubtedly be dead by now. Midoya obviously had some very serious issues with him. Still, Pariston mused, as he climbed gingerly into his car, all things given, he decided that he could call this a rather productive night and leave it as that.

A few years later, sitting in the Fort and ignoring Beans glaring at him accusingly, Pariston wondered if he could still call that night a successful one, given how things have turned out. After some serious thought, he decided he could, as long as he could get Midoya to share the videos with him.


	7. Where Things Go Terribly Wrong

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Where Things Go Terribly Wrong

The continent of Hun was not a very large continent. With a population of fewer than fifty thousand, it was considered one of the most sparsely populated continents in the world. Looking around, Kuroro could see why. Given the geographical placement of Hun on the globe, it straddled an uncomfortable place between extreme heat and extreme humidity. This had resulted in the Southern half of Hun being dry, arid desert barely fit for life and the other half of Hun being dense, tropical rainforests that gave little room for agriculture. It was obviously not a continent well-suited to human life, and could not be more suitable a land for the Hunter Association to build a bunker on. Hun-ein, the mountain that Pariston claimed was the Fort sat on the tropical side of Hun. Hence, it was at the docks of Northern Hun that the yacht landed.

The moment Kuroro stepped out of the air-conditioned rooms, wet heat wrapped around him like a heavily obese lover who just wouldn't get that it is _over_.

"Fuck my life," Machi muttered from behind him, dabbing at her face which was already wet with perspiration.

"An accurate description of my feelings," Kuroro agreed, shrugging out of his coat. This was the first time he had ever found the weather too uncomfortable to be wearing his coat in.

"Oh look, whales," Midoya observed idly, dragging her frizzy, rebellious hair, screaming and kicking, into a messy top bun. In the distant, the whales in question were busy sinking a massive ship of a type Kuroro had never seen before. "For the oil and fat these ships run on," Midoya told Shalnark when he asked, "as well as meat, by which I mean the sailors and whatever is in the pantry. Go a little further South of Hun and the waters become freezing cold. These whales need all the blubber they can build up before they start their annual migration down South."

"Cool," Shalnark, who liked random bits of information like that, commented.

"Shall we get off this yacht then?" Feitan, for whom paranoia was at that uncertain stage where it was more than a friend but not quite a significant other, asked. "The whales still look hungry."

"No worries," Pepeka rumbled from behind them, "this yacht runs on normal fuel. The whales don't like anything coal-based." After his initial shock at the entrance of the Ryodan and the discovery of Midoya's sordid other-life, Pepeka had surprised Kuroro by bouncing back rather quickly, all things considered. He wasn't overly friendly with the Ryodan, but he was as polite as he was to most people, which was more than he was to Kuroro (in his defence, no one else in the Ryodan was sleeping with Midoya, whom Pepeka obviously had a crush on). And, he still appeared to love and respect Midoya as much as he had previously, which was the really surprising bit. When Kuroro had asked, Pepeka had simply said, "I've always found Midoya-sensei worthy of my respect. I mean… I guess she's always been June Kito anyway, and it doesn't change that fact, you know? She earned my respect a long time ago, when she was already June Kito and… am I making sense?" Kuroro thought he was but said no anyway, because it made Pepeka so embarrassed, and it was always entertaining to see an embarrassed Pepeka.

"So, we don't have to worry about whales," Nobunaga said from the back. "That's great and all. How about 'em Hunters we came here to screw over?"

"Ah, right," Kuroro said briskly. "Hun-ein mountain. Report." The order had been directed at Shalnark, and Kuroro saw the boy's eyes brighten as he took a breath to start his report.

An oblivious Midoya interrupted him. "Hun-ein is deep inside the Hun continent," she said, utterly insensible of Shalnark's horrified look. "It's the tallest mountain on the Hun continent. It will be difficult reaching the mountain as it is surrounded by dense forests inhabited by horrible, horrible monsters. In fact, I don't think all of us should go to the Fort. It really wouldn't look good on my resume if I turn up at the Fort with half the Genei Ryodan in tow."

"What's wrong with the Genei Ryodan?" Phinx demanded.

"Yeah, what's wrong with us?" Nobunaga echoed, looking equally offended.

Ah. He had expected that. Quickly, Kuroro moved to intercept the growing hostility, ready to teleport people into the midst of the whales if needed. Then Midoya smiled – with dimples

"Nothing except the fact that you are _so_ powerful that the Hunters in the Fort would rather launch a nuke at all of us than try to save me," she said, her eyes glowing with wry amusement. "You do not know how much the Hunters fear the Genei Ryodan, it seems. If I turned up with the infamously undefeated Ryodan, I believe Pariston would lock the door on me and sit in the closet shivering with fear. That would not be very helpful since I came all the way here just to talk to him."

"Oh," Phinx mumbled, looking mollified. "Well, that's quite understandable I guess."

"Indeed, it is very understandable," Kuroro said smoothly. "What do you propose we do then, Midoya?"

Midoya teased her lower lip with her teeth for as she thought. "Pepeka and I will head for Hun-ein ourselves," she said finally. "Kuroro, if you don't mind, could you stay at the nearest town to Hun-ein as backup? That would be… Hun-eindo, according to this map. If all goes well, we should, technically, not need any help. I'll contact you and well… you can do whatever you want after that. I'll probably be stuck in the Fort until my name is cleared. However, if things go down south, I would greatly appreciate it if you could launch an attack on the Fort and save Pepeka and me."

"What about your resume and reputation as a Hunter?"

"Fuck my reputation," she said elegantly, surprising Kuroro with her use of profanity. "I'm quite tired of running from the Association. I'm a fighter, Kuroro, and I really don't take kindly to bullies. This is my last attempt to deal with them peacefully. If it fails then so be it." She smiled coldly. "If it fails, I'm taking them down. They are going to regret the day they messed with me."

"Taking them down?" Pepeka asked hesitantly from behind, looking more than a little intimidated.

"The whole Kito estate will go into destroying the Hunter Association," Midoya said, her eyes burning brightly. "All the mafia of the world will unite under the Kito banner. I will buy over all the civilian governments of the world. All terrorists will join me. All freedom fighters will join me. Criminals, politicians, law enforcement officers and civilians will march alongside against anyone who tries to protect the Association. Those who fight back will be killed. Those who survive the slaughter will have their names dragged through the mud. It wouldn't be a world war; it will be a massacre. I will drag the Hunter Association so far down they will never be able to climb up again for centuries."

Someone in the back whistled. Kuroro stared, considered her proposal and was certain she could get it done if she wanted to. "Hard core," he commented, impressed and very turned on at the same time. "I almost look forward to negotiations failing. Not that the Ryodan will join in the war of course. We're not the warring kind. We'll probably hang off the sides and rob everyone blind while they're too busy watching the world burn."

Midoya laughed. "I would expect nothing less of you," she said fondly.

"And after all the world is burning at your feet, what will you do?"

She grinned widely. "Join the Ryodan probably," she said, and Kuroro couldn't tell if she was joking or not. "Even in a ruined and desolate world overrun by zombies, I'm sure you can find something fun for us to do."

"I'm sure I could," Kuroro agreed. He regarded her for a brief second and thought about how he hadn't even realised she was starting to lose her temper with the association. Midoya obviously took a long time to reach her boiling point, and the process was all but invisible, but when she did, well... That was something to remember and to avoid. An angry Midoya was a very, very scary Midoya, and a very, very scary Midoya was pretty much the end of the world. "We should travel to Hun-eindo through different routes, just in case they are watching the town," he said finally in response to her questioning look.

"Yes," Midoya agreed. "That would be most prudent."

"Wait two days in this port before you head for Hun-eindo. The Ryodan will go there first and scout out the territory. Do not attempt to contact me until you are sure of your position within the Hunter Association. We will find you and we will look out for you, even if you do not sense us."

Midoya's eyebrow went up at his authoritative tone. "Give a man a hint that you may be joining his infamously bad-ass criminal organization and he treats you as if you were already his underling," she said, her voice teasing. "Any other orders, Dancho?"

Kuroro smiled. Just weeks ago, her calling him Dancho would have annoyed him to no end. This time, it actually sounded good coming from her lips. "No, my dear Midoya, that is all."

"Then I'll see you around," she said cheerfully. "With me, Pepeka."

"Yes, sensei," Pepeka said obediently, a look of apprehension on his face.

With a bright smile and nods for everyone, Midoya turned around and strode off the yacht, her back straight and head held high, looking all the world like a queen who had condescended to visit the slums. Kuroro couldn't help feeling rather proud of her.

"So," Phinx commented casually. "Dancho, we're taking orders from Kito now?"

"It's her life that's on the line, and she has a better grasp of this situation than any of us."

"_And_ we're helping her because…?"

"Because I'm Dancho and I said so."

"Of course."

As Kuroro started to walk off the yacht, he distantly heard Nobunaga whisper, "I _told you_…!"

* * *

Immediately upon disembarking onto Northern Hun Port, Kuroro had ordered Shalnark to source for the fastest route to Hun-eindo. That turned out to be a day's bus ride from the port to Hun-eindo. To get from Hun-eindo to the Fort, in turn, was another half a day's bus ride and a half-day trek through treacherous terrain.

"If Kito really gets into trouble, we'll actually be a day away from helping her," Shalnark informed Kuroro. "I don't know how much good that's going to do her."

"She's relying on the Hunter Association's arresting her instead of killing her," Kuroro deduced. "It's not an improbable assumption to make. Midoya is, after all, ultimately one of theirs, and the other Zodiacs not out to get her would probably refrain from hurting her too much, if only because it would look bad in the eyes of the public. If the desire is to take her out of running for the position of Chairman, there is no need to kill her. Imprisonment will do the trick. Killing her might actually backfire and bring a lot of trouble down on them in the form of the mafia or other factions in the Association."

"Why doesn't she just back out of the elections then?" Phinx asked, bemused.

"Her participation is mandatory, as is the case for all Hunters," Kuroro said with a shrug. "It's not like she actually has a choice. She can't stop people from voting for her either. Most of them probably don't see _her_; they see Netero, and that's who they are really voting for."

"Huh," Machi commented. "That's why I hate politicians."

"I could not agree more."

The conversation lapsed into silence after that, and Kuroro took advantage of that to take a good look around. At the moment, they were standing at a single, rusty metal pole that indicated that the particular patch of dusty ground they were standing on was a bus stop (as opposed to the other patches of dusty ground around them). The buildings near the port were dilapidated little shacks that consisted mostly of zinc roofs held up by thick pieces of wood. Some of the shacks didn't even have proper walls. Even so, that was more than most residents in Meteor City ever got. The residents certainly looked better off than those from Meteor City. At least they did not need to carry gas masks with them when travelling through certain areas in the continent.

With their surroundings as rundown and obviously poor as it was, the Ryodan members, with their relatively cleaner and nicer clothes stood out. Already, the locals, dressed in fish-stained drapes, were giving them curious looks.

"Dancho," Shalnark whispered. "I think we're standing out a little too much."

Kuroro nodded in acknowledgement. This could not be good. If the Hunter Association heard of a group of well-dressed strangers entering Hun (the continent of few tourist pleasures) at around the same time as Midoya, they might draw the connection between them and Midoya. They had to do something about this. "Play along with me," Kuroro murmured, just loud enough so the Ryodan members could hear. Then Kuroro reached deep into his mind and pulled out one of the personalities he often took upon when undercover: the dumb rich boy.

A grin, wide and stupid, spread across Kuroro's face and he slung an overly-friendly arm around Phinx like they were the best friends in the world (and they were, in a sense, not that any of the Ryodan would ever admit it to each other). "Say," Kuroro slurred, altering his voice so it became more nasal and a little slurred. "Say bro. You think the stuff about the buried treasure is true?"

Phinx, to his credit, barely even flinched, though Kuroro could feel his body tense up with discomfort at their sudden physical proximity. "I don't know, man," Phinx slurred back in quite a good imitation of Kuroro's act. "We like got the map and everything that has like an X on it and stuff. It's totally got to be a _real_ treasure map."

"Yeah man," Kuroro agreed, highly pleased with Phinx's performance. "What do you think, bro?" He turned and gave Nobunaga a _look_.

Nobunaga blinked and stuttered, "Uh. Yeah. I guess. Man."

"If only we like knew where on Hun that bloody X is, man," Kuroro said loudly to cover Nobunaga's obvious discomfort. "It's like… we should have totally learned how to read a map before we came."

"Yeah man," Feitan drawled, sounding entirely too intelligent for Kuroro's chosen disguise. Still, he did appreciate the effort. Shalnark had remained silent, being fully incapable of sounding stupid. Not that it mattered. Kuroro could already see many of those passing by typecasting them as ignorant treasure hunters. Damn if he didn't like bigots: bigots only see what they want to see and then nothing else. It made them the easiest people on earth to dupe.

Next to him, the charade was still ongoing. "Once we get to Hun-eindo, we should figure it out?" Machi suggested. "Um. Man."

Caught up in the character he was playing, Phinx shot her a disgusted glare. "Oh shut up and go back to the kitchen, woman," he sneered.

Machi blinked, too shocked to respond immediately then her stare hardened.

Though he really should have stopped at that, Phinx just had to push Machi further by adding, "Dumb broads." He abruptly stiffened as Machi's hand flashed suddenly.

"Yeah man. Hey the bus," Nobunaga said, looking relieved.

As the bus rumbled up to them, Phinx drew Kuroro even closer and whispered, "Dancho, I got a favour to ask of you."

"Yes Phinx?"

"Gently pull the needles that are lodged in the seat of my pants out please."

* * *

After a rather uncomfortable bus ride over uneven, muddy ground and through pouring rain, the bus finally reached Hun-eindo. Uncurling from the rickety seat, which consisted mostly of pieces of metal and wood tied together by rope, Kuroro crawled out of the bus and into the humid, warm weather of Hun-eindo, looking quite different from the way he normally did.

During the bus ride, it had occurred to Kuroro that his face was well-known to the Hunter Association, not necessarily as the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan, but certainly as the mysterious man Midoya had been sleeping with. Thus, taking advantage of some supplies he had tucked into his Fun Fun cloth, he had altered his appearance enough that he doubted even Midoya could recognise him. Away went his trademark coat and blue earrings. In their place was a slightly over-sized white T-shirt that read 'Peace, Love and Harmony' in rainbow-coloured font. Then he had combed his hair down, messed it up, and tied a tie-dye bandanna over his tattoo. A pair of shades with circular lenses went onto his nose. When Phinx woke up from his nap and caught sight of Kuroro's transformation, he had turned purple with repressed laughter. Even Feitan had been amused enough to _chuckle_.

As he stretched, hearing various joints in his body pop, Kuroro took a good look around. Hun-eindo was, in many ways, quite different from the port. Instead of shacks, Hun-eindo had proper buildings made of cement and bricks. The tiled roofs had proper plumbing, obviously meant to drain rain water to the appropriate pipes so the streets did not flood. Though the small, cosy and rather quiet streets still gave off the pleasant vibe of a small town, the people here obviously did not do as much hard labour as their fellow citizens in the port. The clothing worn by the people on the street were neat, clean and, though still practical, had more frills than most physical labourers would waste on fabric that was just going to get stained with blood anyway. Looking around, Kuroro guessed that the main occupation of the citizens here were small-scale artisanal works given how many tiny shops boasting 'home-made' products could be seen.

Even better, he noticed strangers in the crowd immediately, people who were obviously not citizens based on the way they were not dressed in the fashion of the locals. The sun-hats, walking boots and comfortable clothing suggested instead that these strangers were tourists. Hun-eindo was obviously one of the few places in Hun that had some form of a tourist industry, and that would make it easier for the Ryodan to blend into the town.

As the Ryodan gathered around him, Kuroro said as much to them.

"So we've moved from being misogynistic treasure hunters to being misogynistic tourists now?" Machi asked coolly and Kuroro smiled at a cringing Phinx.

"Oh, not at all. If you like, we can be hippie tourists instead," Kuroro teased, gesturing to his outfit. "Would you like us all to wear flowers in our hair and dance on the streets sky-clad? I'm sure we can find ways of obtaining highly illegal substances here that will help us communicate with Mother Nature. There _is _a lot of Mother Nature here after all."

"You do all that, and I'll take a video of it and sell it to the highest bidder on the black market," Machi shot back, but a small smile flittered over her face so Kuroro knew she was no longer upset.

"Ah, fear not. I've already seen how you deal with nonsense," Kuroro said wryly. "I promise I have learned my lesson." Machi snorted, but she was still smiling, which was always a good sign.

"So what do we do now, Dancho?" Feitan, never one to beat around the bush, asked.

In response, Kuroro pulled out the map of Hun-eindo and studied it. "First, we find lodgings," he said. "Ideally, as is our _modus operandi_, I would suggest locating an abandoned building. However, in a town as small as this, there are hardly any abandoned buildings around. In this case, I fear we will actually have to pay for our lodgings. According to Midoya, there is only one inn in this place, a bed-and-breakfast place run by a husband and wife. It's apparently more their private house than an inn so there aren't many rooms available, and we may have to compete with other tourists for space. Shalnark, Machi, I task the both of you with making sure we have a roof over our heads tonight. Set up security measures in that place too and obtain whatever supplies you think we will need."

"Yes Dancho."

"As for the rest of us," Kuroro rubbed his chin thoughtfully and looked around to make sure no one was near enough to overhear them. "We're going to explore this little town in pairs. Nobu, you're with me. Phinx and Feitan, you're together. Keep your heads low and try not to attract any attention. Please _act_ like tourists. Visit a few shops. Buy a few souvenirs. Look at pretty things. Don't kill anybody or start any fights."

"Alright," Feitan agreed reluctantly.

"What should we look out for?" Phinx asked.

"I want to know how strong the Hunter presence is in this town. Look out for Hunters or people who may be reporting to the Hunters. I want to know who their eyes are in this town and who we have to look out for while we're here. Then I want to explore the Hun-ein mountain as soon as possible, but we'll leave that for later, in case we accidentally alert the association to our presence." Kuroro paused as a thought occurred to him. "_If_ you do sense that your cover is blown, capture the person whom you think has discovered your identity. Bring him to Shalnark. Shalnark will control him or her, and try to keep things quiet for as long as possible."

"I only have one antenna though which means I can only control one person," Shalnark warned, "so be really careful."

"Got it in one, geek boy," Phinx drawled with the kind of lazy insolence he would never have used against Kuroro, as harmless as it was. "Go do the groceries, little maid."

"Phinx! One more word and I am so only buying vegetables for dinner tonight!"

"Do that and I'll slaughter you and eat you, little maid."

Leaving his Ryodan bickering behind him, Kuroro strode off with Nobunaga beside him to explore the town.

Surprisingly, Nobunaga remained discreetly silent as Kuroro glided from shop to shop, staring with vast interest at the kind of artisanal trades in the town. At each shop, Kuroro made sure to make small-talk with the owners and purchase an item or two. Wind-chimes made of seashells made up the first purchase, along with the information that there has been an unusually large group of foreigners in Hun-eindo at the moment. Pretty little dolls hand-carved from a single piece of wood made up the second purchase, along with the information that this unusually large group of foreigners did not appear to be staying _in_ Hun-eindo and the speculation that they _may_ be staying in the nearby town of Hun-eintoya. Lovely combs made from carefully bleached whale bones were the third purchase. With it came another speculation that this large group of foreigners seemed to be important foreign dignitaries because when they came to town, they always visited the mayor of Hun-eindo. Beautiful earrings made from _Hu_, a precious stone that looked like a pale blue crystal with purple highlights were the fourth purchase. The owner made many inquiries about who Kuroro was, where he came from and what he was doing here. Kuroro made a mental note that the owner of the jewellery store was most likely a spy for the Association, lied convincingly through the visit, and left with the confidence that his cover had not been blown.

And so it went on. As they made their way towards the ninth shop, Nobunaga carrying all of Kuroro's purchases and growing increasingly sullen, muttered, "Dancho, is it really necessary to buy so many things?"

Glancing at Nobunaga over the top of his shades, Kuroro hid a smile and replied, "Oh yes. When the owners of these shops think there is a possibility of conning a naïve young tourist into paying twice the amount they would have asked for, they become too distracted to ask uncomfortable questions."

"We're going to need to do a really big job after this if you keep blowing your money away like this," Nobunaga grumbled. "What are you going to do with all this crap anyway? I mean, brassier made from seashells and coloured beads? Seriously? Isn't that going to chafe?"

"It does look exceedingly uncomfortable," Kuroro agreed. "Still, maybe Machi will take them."

"Dancho, you must have a death wish making a gift like this to Machi."

Kuroro laughed. "You are right. Well… Midoya can have them if she wants. They are in her size anyway."

"Oh god, Dancho. Too much information."

"Well, it's true," Kuroro replied with a shrug. And it was. The brassier was in her size. Come to think of it, many of the items he bought would suit Midoya perfectly, he mused. The whale-bone combs were bleached a beautiful cream colour that would stand out in Midoya's dark hair. And the lovely _Hu_ earrings were a stunning blue shade that complimented Midoya's pale skin and dark eyes. The wind-chimes would look lovely hung by the window of her penthouse, and would serve as a kind of warning system if anyone tried to climb in through the window. Kuroro had never bought Midoya anything before. There had never been a point to it; she was so much richer than him and had a much steadier source of income than him, so it was not like she couldn't afford to buy the things she wanted herself. It hindsight, it would be a good idea getting her gifts once in a while. It might actually put her in a good enough mood that she might just willingly don the collar for him.

Kuroro Lucifer, Dancho of the Genei Ryodan, was definitely not above bribing his prey into surrender.

With that happy thought in mind, Kuroro proceeded into the next shop, his naïve tourist façade back on.

* * *

Three days later, Hun-eindo had been thoroughly scouted and the Ryodan had retired to their room to sort out the information they had. The room in the bed-and-breakfast, aptly named Mama's Bed-And-Breakfast was a small, cosy room, decorated with plenty of lace and flowers. It made up for the overly feminine decoration with a cosy armchair and a nice, plush queen-sized bed. (It was awkward squeezing six grown people onto the bed, so they eventually settled the issue with the standard coin-toss. Machi and Shalnark ended up sharing the bed, much to Shalnark's discomfort.) Kuroro got the armchair by default.

At that moment, the Ryodan members were sprawled mostly on the bed where the maps were spread out, heads bent together as they studied what they had learned to date. In a corner of the room, souvenirs lay piled together in a significantly-sized mound. Phinx and Feitan had not been as discerning as Kuroro in their purchase of tourist paraphilia, and their lack of discernment had resulted in an odd accumulation of the dried out saw of a saw-fish, a small packet of raw fish eyes, a rocking horse made from whale bone and (to their endless embarrassment), half a well-preserved whale penis which they had thought to be something quite different. This gave the room a rather odd smell. Fortunately, the Ryodan were used to living in much more odorous environments.

"So Ryodan," Kuroro said. "Report. What have we learned in these three days?"

"Well," Shalnark, who had been collating the information collected, said, "what we have learned is that there is a pretty strong Hunter presence in this town. We have reports of an unusually large number of foreigners who come into town occasionally, mainly to speak with the mayor. I think we can safely say that those are representatives of the association. From Dancho's interviews with the servants of the mayor's household, we know that these hunters come to town mainly for information and supplies. If our information is good, the mayor is the one who organises supplies to be delivered to Hun-ein. Obviously a town this tiny could not provide enough supplies for the entire Fort, so the mayor is the one who gets the supplies in from other places, mainly the ports."

"Excellent," Kuroro murmured. "We have also learned that some civilians in this town are evidently under the association's pay-check. I know for a fact that several of them have made enquiries about us. To the best of my knowledge, none of them have discovered who we are or why we're here. But that is to be expected. What I find unexpected though… is those supplies."

"Really?" Phinx asked dubiously. "What's so odd about the Fort getting supplies? Isn't it kind of… granted that they would?"

"Not that they are getting supplies, Phinx. What strikes me as odd is that no one outside of the mayor's mansion knows of this. The Fort is Hun-ein mountain, which is a relatively untouched piece of nature. There are very few roads to there, one only in fact, and Hun-eindo lies on this route. If large trucks carrying supplies passed continuously through Hun-eindo, surely the residents would have noticed it." Kuroro clasped his hands and leaned his chin against it as he thought. "But of course, the Association wouldn't want people _noticing_ it. The Fort is the Association's most secret of hideouts; surely they wouldn't want people discovering it through these deliveries. There must be another route to Hun-ein, one on which the travelling time is equal to or less than the route that goes through Hun-eindo."

"How do you know that, Dancho?" Nobunaga asked.

"It's the nature of the supplies. In a place like this where half of the continent is desert and the other half wet, rain forests, chances are, the supplies acquired would be from the sea or bush meat. However, the consumption of bush meat is dangerous because the meat acquired is hardly sterile so anyone living off the local food has to rely on supplies from the sea," Shalnark guessed. "Hun-eindo is only a day away from the ports, so they can still afford to get fresh seafood from there. If Hun-ein has been accepting supplies from the ports, as is most likely the case, the food has to get to them within twenty-four hours or it will rot. Unless the Hunters are happy living off salted and dried meat while they're there…"

"No," Kuroro disagreed. "I am quite sure there is a faster route to Hun-ein than we know of. There's no point having a secret route if it takes that much longer for supplies and people to get to the Fort. It _is_ designed as the final retreat in the event the world comes to an end. A bunker like that is useless if it takes too long to get to it. The nature of the terrain, being rather hilly, means air transport isn't feasible, so an alternate route it is. It will be worthwhile to find it, and as soon as possible too. Midoya should be here very shortly, possibly within a few hours, and will probably head for Hun-ein after a short rest. That will take her another twenty-four hours before she encounters the Zodiac, the most powerful of the Hunters, and possibly the only ones who can actually fight her head-on and stand a good chance winning. That gives us around twenty-four hours to locate this passage."

"How?" Feitan asked.

Kuroro pressed his fingers together in a steeple and closed his eyes. "The only person we know of who knows where the entrance is, is the mayor," he said slowly, thoughtfully. "We have to get the mayor to talk without him realising who we are." That was a mission that was quite up Midoya's street, he realised. She was an excellent tactician, especially when it came to missions of this kind. Well, she wasn't around to give her devious little ideas so it was fortunate Kuroro had quite the devious mind himself. "Shalnark, you are a Hunter, aren't you?"

"Yes," Shalnark confirmed.

"Well then," Kuroro said, smiling. "You are going to be out front man. Try your best to look official and terribly worried; a horrible accident has happened along the supply routes."

"It has?"

"Oh yes, and you need the mayor to provide you transport to get there."

"Ah, I see."

"Once you…" Abruptly, Kuroro's phone started to ring. Surprised, he stared at it for a second, trying to figure out who it could be, before he picked it up. "Hello?"

"_Kuroro. It's Pepeka."_

"Pepeka? Why are you contacting me? I told you…"

"_Stop. Please. Kuroro. I need to tell you something." _

The desperation in the voice would have given Kuroro pause any time. What really shut him up though was how… beaten Pepeka sounded. "What is it?" Kuroro asked quietly.

"_It's a trap, Lucifer. It's a fucking trap. You need to get out of the town." _

"What do you mean? Where are you? Where is Midoya?"

"_Forget about us! Listen! It's a trap! Pariston actually came for us! He met us at the Port and took us by an alternate route to Hun-ein! We reached a day earlier than planned! But it was a fucking trap! God, we didn't even think to contact you because we thought we were safe. We trusted that bastard… And he knows you are in town! You need to get out of there! They are coming for you!"_

At that exact moment, shouting came from downstairs and the sound of wood splintering under a blow could be heard. The Ryodan had shot to their feet, already prepared for battle. Kuroro remained seated, frowning slightly. "You mean Pariston is the one who was actually going after Midoya?"

"_Not Pariston. Not just Pariston." _

"Dancho," Machi warned calmly as heavy, hurried footsteps came from the corridor outside their room.

"_It's the entire Zodiac! The whole fucking Zodiac was in on this!"_

That… changed things. "Where is Midoya?" Kuroro asked sharply.

The phone fell silent except for a strange sound. Crying, Kuroro realised with a shock. Pepeka Timbal was crying.

"Pepeka?" Kuroro demanded tensely as the door to their room started to splinter.

"_She's dead, Kuroro. They killed her. They killed sensei." _

* * *

A/N: _And_ I bet no one was expecting that. I certainly wasn't. This was an incredibly hard chapter to write, because I had nothing interesting to say about Hun-eindo. The interesting parts (for me, at least) take place in the Fort. Hopefully, the story picks up once we get there. In the meantime, do leave a review telling me what you thought about this chapter!

Trivial: It is true that Kuroro had never bought Midoya anything, or even thought of buying her anything. He came from a society where resources were scarce after all. If one needed someone else to provide for one, then one was very, very screwed. Gifts were thus, in some ways, considered an insult of sorts in Meteor City, kind of like saying, "Hey, I know you're weak so in this moment of rare generosity, I'm gonna give you something so you can suffer a while longer before inevitably dying like the maggot that you are." It had taken Kuroro a while after leaving Meteor City to realise that things were different in the Outside, that gifts could come from a place of selflessness, and thus that the act of giving gifts could be harnessed for his own purposes.

In contrast, Midoya came from a society where giving gifts was something of a given. If you want the police to overlook certain business ventures of yours, 'give' them money. If you want to be appreciated by the rich and famous, 'given' them a party to remember. If you want the Hunter Association to stop pestering you, 'give' them your services for a fixed period of time. If you want a rival mafiaso to stop attacking your people, 'give' him a bullet to the head. Hence, from the day Kuroro and her started sleeping together, she had given him many things, including a new watch, clothes, boots and cologne. On one memorable occasion, she had even given him a pair of handcuffs. Afterwards, as they lay curled up together basking in the after-glow of _awesome_ sex, Midoya was certain that never had giving a gift paid off so well for her before.


	8. Vengeance the Ryodan Way

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Vengeance the Ryodan Way

The first time Pepeka Timbal had met Midoya June Kito, he had been on his way to kill himself.

All fourteen years of his life spent in a quiet sea-side town, Pepeka had been aware, thanks to the highly conservative society he grew up in, of the difference between him and his sister. There are some things boys can do that girls can't. Boys can run around shirtless if they wanted to, while girls shouldn't. Boys can stay out later than girls into the night. Boys can venture into the town centre where the bars are by themselves, but girls needed to have a chaperon. Boys should go out and find a job while girls should prepare to have five babies. At fourteen, Pepeka had known that there were some things that could happen to girls that couldn't happen to boys, that girls were vulnerable and needed to be protected. Pepeka wasn't too sure about that, given how his sister was older, stronger and taller than him. At age fourteen, Pepeka had been short, skinny and pale, more prone to sitting around indoors than running about in the outdoors. Still, he knew that girls should be protected; there were some things that only happened to girls.

There were some things that only happened to girls. That's what Pepeka thought, until he had, one night, walked down an alley and ran into brothers Gerald and George King.

Later, limping and bleeding, he had somehow made his way to the police station, scaring the elderly men there out of their wits with his appearance. He managed to make it through his statement before throwing up.

And that should have been that. Gerald and George King were arrested and put on trial. They should have been prosecuted – but they weren't.

"_He was wearing tight jeans and a singlet. We thought he was a fag." _

"_He was asking for it, walking down an alley so late at night like that, and in jeans like that. He was just asking for it." _

"_He looked at us when he walked past. We thought he wanted it too." _

"_It was his fault. It was entirely his fault."_

In the end, nothing Pepeka Timbal said made a difference because he _had _been wearing skinny jeans and a singlet. The brothers went free and Pepeka Timbal was left to deal with the aftermath of the attack. The looks, half-pity and half-disgust, the whispers that followed him everywhere he went even when people deliberately avoided him. His parents stopped talking to him. His friends disappeared. If his elder sister had been around, she might have stood up for him, but she had left a year ago. _"Girls shouldn't be protected by limiting their freedom, telling them they can't wear the things they want to wear, can't go the places they want to go. Girls should be protected by teaching them how to be stronger and smarter than those that hunt them. I'm sick of being told I can't do anything because I am supposedly weak."_ With that, she had left, and now Pepeka was all alone. There was nothing left but the whispers.

_He asked for it. It was his jeans. Why would he wear jeans like that if he wasn't asking for it? It was his fault. He tempted them. Maybe he's gay. Children these days can't be trusted; they are too aware of what they can do with their bodies. He tempted them. Maybe he wanted a new computer; he's always on his computer. Maybe he was selling himself. He tempted them. _

And after a while, Pepeka wasn't sure what was true or not anymore. Had he tempted them? He wasn't sure. He tried to remember what had happened that night in the alley. The overwhelming odour of rubbish that had been left out too long; powerful hands, sweaty and brutal; the pain, sharp and searing; his screams, echoing helplessly in the empty night. Had he been screaming in pain or pleasure? Had he been struggling to get free or writhing for more? Had they paid him or had they taken his money?

The sense of filth that had never left him came back with a vengeance and suddenly he couldn't stand it; he couldn't stand the looks, the whispers. So that night, while his family slept, Pepeka Timbal crawled out of his bedroom window and headed for the sea.

Most of the beach near the sea was flat with beautiful white sand. There was one area though, which all parents forbade their children to go to: a cliff that led to a forty foot drop straight into treacherous, frothy seas. That was where Pepeka ended up at, standing at the edge of the cliff, staring down into the churning sea below, dyed black in the night. Would the sea cleanse his body or would it stain it even darker? Would he vanish silently into the vast ocean or would his body wash up on the beaches for his neighbours to stare with revulsion at?

"Oh you horrible piece of metal trash."

The voice, so unexpected in the darkness of night, jerked Pepeka out of his stupor. Startled, he spun around, trying to look for the source of the voice, and almost put himself over the edge before he was prepared for it. The sudden loss of balance jolted fear and panic through his bones, and he ended up falling onto his knees, desperately clutching the dirt as if it could stop him from falling over.

"You should be careful," the voice said without any real urgency or care. "You're very close to falling over."

Finally, from the darkness of the night, the silhouette of a woman emerged. It was no surprise Pepeka hadn't spotted her earlier, though she was sitting incredibly close to where he was, for she was dressed entirely in black. Now that his eyes had picked her out though, Pepeka could see her clearly even in the dark. She was a short woman, a good head shorter than Pepeka, and pleasantly plump. Her hair was dark, frizzy and unevenly cut, and fell over skin so pale it was almost luminous in the faint moonlight.

"Hi," the woman said brightly once he had stopped struggling. "I don't suppose you know what's wrong with this, do you?" She held out a device that looked a little like the controller of those motorized toy cars.

For a moment, Pepeka considered telling her that she was interrupting his suicide attempt. However, that seemed quite… embarrassingly melodramatic. So, instead of protesting, Pepeka wordlessly climbed to his feet, took the device and turned it over in his hands curiously. What was it? With the little antenna and the strange display, he thought it might be some kind of mini-computer. Despite himself, he felt himself gaining interest in the little device and he started pressing buttons left and right in an attempt to get it to do something. Finally, he spotted a small panel at the side of the device. Carefully, he pushed it opened and peered inside. "Uh… you need to put the batteries in," he finally said.

"Oh! Batteries! I didn't even think to bring any." The woman laughed, the sound bright and eerie in the dark. "Well, that's a quite a conundrum I'm in." _Conundrum_? Who used words like that? Her accent was unfamiliar to him, but he recognised the sound of an expensive education in it. "Ah, but I think we wouldn't need it. My dear, don't move."

A low growl came from behind Pepeka and he froze in shock. He met the woman's eyes and she smiled, not looking alarmed at all. That gave him some courage and he slowly turned and peeked over his shoulder.

A massive head the size of a small car stared back at him. It was sleek and wet-looking, shaped like a lizard's but rounder around the snout. Large eyes the size of basketballs stared at him, glowing green in the moonlight. A long, thick neck held the entire head up, joining it to a massive body perched on the side of the cliff. The mouth opened slightly, releasing the odour of decay, and a long, snake-like tongue flicked out.

Pepeka made a sound and a powerfully hand clamped on his wrist. "Don't move," the woman said so softly he could hardly hear her, even in the relative silence of the night.

The massive head moved closer to Pepeka and large nostrils flared as the creature sniffed him. The hot air blasting from the nostrils whipped Pepeka's hair around and left a sticky, itchy feeling on his skin. His heart was racing in his chest, terror and awe leaving him dizzy and light-headed. Sweat ran down his face and he wondered if the creature could smell him, if it was going to eat him. That thought was enough to turn his knees to jelly. Just when he thought he couldn't hold himself up any longer, the creature turned away with a snort and disappeared down the side of the cliff.

The hand on his wrist disappeared and the woman said, "Very brave of you", as if she hadn't noticed his racing pulse and the sheen of sweat covering his entire body. Damn, she even sounded sincere. Before Pepeka could comment, she dropped to her stomach and edged to the end of the cliff. "Come on," she whispered, "get on the ground here." Pepeka, legs still weak from terror, thought that was a good idea, and joined her on the ground. "Look."

Pepeka looked then made a startled sound. "Damn," he gasped, amazed. There were at least five of those same creatures in the seas below, moving together away from the cliff. Even from a distance, they looked strangely graceful and majestic as they glided through the water, heads held high above the water by their long necks. The large heads that looked so scary a moment ago, seemed noble and proud in the dim moonlight, held as high as they were. "What are they?" he whispered.

"_Lacerta Gigantus Aquatic_," the woman replied, her voice breathy with excitement and delight. "There are a very rare species of herbivorous sea lizards. They feed on the vegetation that grow near the sea or on seaweed. That school of _Gigantus_ down there have tags on them. I've been following them as a favour for a friend. It seemed they had been migrating further and further south lately, and he's trying to figure out why. I thought this was going to be one hell of a drag, following a school of lizards around, but I was wrong. Look at how beautiful they are! Goodness, it was quite worth the trip. What magnificent beasts they are!"

Pepeka looked at the school of lizards again. One of them tossed its head, flicking droplets of crystal water into the air. Its head gleamed black in the moonlight, the long, thick neck as graceful as a swan's, as it glided smoothly through the water. Pepeka's heart fluttered again, but not from fear. "They are gorgeous," he agreed.

"Aren't they? It's so rare to find someone who agrees with me. Most people turn and run when they encounter these beasts. That's not a good idea; they think you're acting them if you do that, and will kill you. I've never met anyone who reacted as calmly as you have to them. You should totally come along with me while I track these beasts." she beamed. Without waiting for a reply, she launched into a long lecture about the lizards, showering Pepeka with random facts about them and her long journey tracking them. Pepeka didn't fully understand half of what she was saying, and she was speaking too fast for him to interrupt politely. Still, he let her talk. There was something calming about the delight and excitement in her voice as she described the feeding habits of the lizard that washed away the earlier despair that had brought him to the edge of this cliff. For the first time in a month, Pepeka felt himself relaxing as he listened attentively to her.

Finally, she paused for a breath, and Pepeka said to her, "I was going to kill myself."

Something tickled the back of his throat. He coughed once and suddenly started to cry. He hadn't cried during the attack, he hadn't cried while making his statement and he hadn't cried when the brothers went free. But now, he sobbed like the child he still was, hands pressed to his eyes as he wailed. Somehow, he managed to stammer out what had happened through his tears. He told her about the attack, about how repulsed he was with his own body. He told her about the looks, the whispers. He told her about his stupid memory which kept changing on him. He told her about wanting to die. It came out incoherent and confused, but she never interrupted him for clarification.

When he was done, she didn't say anything, so he sat still, holding himself and rocking as his sobs quieted down. He felt drained, exhausted, but good, like a heavy burden lifted from his chest.

"Huh," she said finally.

Pepeka stared at his knees. That wasn't the reaction he expected. He thought she might be sympathetic or repulsed; he hadn't expected… indifference. Still, it wasn't her problem, he supposed. She was just a stranger. "Sorry about blabbering on like that," he managed to say through his arms.

"Hey, you listened to me blabber about lizards," she replied with a shrug.

"Yeah, I guess." Pepeka smiled weakly, avoiding her eyes.

"Are you still going to kill yourself?" she asked, as if she were asking about the weather.

Pepeka thought about that. "I guess not," he said finally. "It seems kind of pointless now that I think about it. I mean, what do I accomplish? Hell, I have no idea what I could accomplish by living, but I guess… if I continue to live, I will have a chance to find out, right?" He tried to inject enthusiasm into that statement and failed.

She didn't say anything to that, so Pepeka just sat there, staring at the sea and thinking about beautiful, giant lizards, swimming out into the open ocean.

"I have a proposal for you," she said finally. "You say you have no idea what you can accomplish by living, but I do. You can take revenge. I can give you the power to take revenge. It will be extremely dangerous and there's a pretty high chance you'll end up dying. Come to think of it, even if you end up living, you may not like the kind of life you end up living. But if you want, I can make you strong enough to take those men on. I can give you the power to stop them from doing the same thing to other people." In the dark, her eyes glowed with a black light. "Will you try?"

Pepeka met her eyes and was drawn relentless into them. "Yes," he told her, "I'll try."

Two days later, Pepeka walked into a bar that the King brothers frequented. His shirt was torn and tattered, his jeans dirty and stained with blood. As he walked through the bar, he drew looks from the patrons, but he ignored them all until he reached the two men who were smirking up at him. Without a word, Pepeka raised a fist, glowing with the strange power she had released from his body, and hit the nearest one in the face.

Once he started, he couldn't stop. They fought back hard, but the brutal hands which had seemed so powerful just days ago felt like paper against his reinforced body. They screamed, and he crushed their bones between his hands. Someone tried to hit him with a metal pipe and he felt the pipe rebound off him like rubber. The scent of blood filled the air threatening to overwhelm his mind, but Pepeka didn't stop until the screaming did.

Once he was done, Pepeka slumped to his knees, his heart pounding wildly. Revulsion and relief coursed through him in equal portions.

Someone gasped.

Straightening up, Pepeka looked around the bar, now filled with the elderly policemen, staring at him as if he were a monster. He supposed he was. His hands were covered with blood, dripping onto the floor. No one said anything. No one moved to arrest him. So he stood there, staring at them staring at him.

The door to the bar opened and the woman he had met by the sea came in. She glanced idly at the carnage on the floor then at him. "Felt good?" she asked.

Pepeka thought about it. "No," he told her. "It didn't feel good. It felt right."

She nodded and started to move towards him, but one of the policemen grabbed her shoulder and voiced a shaky warning. She shrugged him off. "I'm a blacklist hunter," she said, showing him her license. The policeman let go hesitantly and she walked forward until she was standing in front of Pepeka. "These men aren't on the blacklist though," she told him. "But half a year ago, they were in York Shin City. They raped a young man. They were arrested, but never prosecuted. They claimed that the shorts the boy was wearing were too short. He tempted them, they claimed. The judge agreed." The woman smiled faintly. "That young man worked for me. He was a kitchen boy, training to be a chef. That day, he had been out buying chocolate for me. I paid for the lawyer that would prosecute the men. I thought it was quite a clear case, and I left on a business trip assuming that it would work out in his favour. I was wrong. By the time I got back, the young man had hung himself."

Pepeka nodded. "You knew who I was before you spoke to me," he said. His voice sounded strange, as if coming from a distance. It was odd. Despite what had happened, despite what she was revealing he felt nothing inside. He felt numb. It was an incredibly peaceful feeling.

"I did," she admitted. "I came here because I heard of your case. I knew the King brothers were in town. I was coming here anyway, which is why my friend asked me to check out on the lizards if I had time." Her eyes were calm and cruel. "I came here to kill them. I do not take violence done to my people lightly. I would have made them suffer for what they did. But I thought it would make you feel better if you did it yourself, if you could return the pain they dealt back to them. They took your life; I thought you would want to have a chance to take theirs." One of the bodies on the floor groaned in agony. "Guess I was wrong. Why did you let them live?"

"Because…" Pepeka thought about it. "Because it didn't feel right killing them. They are the criminals, not me. I just wanted them to… stop. I didn't want to kill them. Just stop them… from haunting me, from doing _this_ to other people." He shook his head. "Criminals shouldn't get free. The defenceless should be protected. That's what I believe in, and that's not going to change because of what these… men did to me."

"Is that so?" The woman smiled faintly and Pepeka thought he detected something in her enigmatic smile, something… approving.

"You asked me if I wanted to follow you while you tracked the lizards. Is that offer still open?"

The smile widened. "Of course."

"And that power you… taught me…" Pepeka clenched a fist that felt warm with blood and that strange energy. "I can feel… like… something tells me… there is more. I want to know more. I want to know how else I can use this power."

She laughed, delighted. "And you will," she said, looking pleased.

Somehow, the warmth in her voice sank into his chest and settled there. "We haven't been formally introduced," he realised. "I'm Pepeka Timbal."

"Midoya Kito," the woman replied. "That would be Midoya-sensei to you, apprentice."

* * *

Many years later, Pepeka Timbal, bloodied and battered, pressed his huge hands to the blood-soaked ground where his sensei's life blood had stained the ground red, and howled desperately as the ground swallowed up his tears.

* * *

Whoever was on the other side of the door was taking their fucking sweet time knocking down the door.

Standing on alert, Machi drew one of her Nen threads between her hands and eyed the door with annoyance. For all their disguises and stupid tourist acts, their cover had been blown anyway. One of them must have screwed up somehow. Machi was putting her money on Phinx and Feitan. Those two idiots might be good at fighting, but they couldn't blend into a crowd for nuts. Dancho would have words to say about that.

Machi glanced at Dancho, who was still on the phone, to see how he was reacting to the situation. It only took her one look at his face to figure out that something was wrong. "Dancho?" she asked hesitantly. Her voice attracted the attention of the other Ryodan members and they turned as one to stare.

Dancho was sitting frozen where he was, his expression a strange mixture of shock and annoyance. It was rare for Dancho to look so discomforted. In fact, he only reacted like this under very, very limited circumstances.

"Who's dead?" Feitan asked bluntly.

Let it be Kito's loud-mouthed disciple, Machi prayed.

"Midoya," Dancho replied, his voice tinged with irritation.

Oh. "Fuck," Machi said with awkward sympathy. "What should we do now?"

"Indeed, what should we do now?" Dancho murmured, cocking his head as if he was thinking about what to eat for dinner. "Let me think. For now, just kill the hunters outside." His face having regained its usual composure, Dancho turned back to the phone and asked, "Where are you now?"

The door splintered some more. "This is taking forever," Phinx grumbled. "We should go out and pummel them."

"Good idea," Shalnark agreed. "Nobu?"

"On it," Nobunaga growled and slashed through the door, and the two people behind it with one swing. "Come on!" he yelled at the corridor filled with stunned hunters. "Come to your death, you motherfucking monkeys!" With a roar, he flew at the hunters, slashing through them easily, Phinx and Feitan close behind.

Machi and Shalnark remained in the room, standing between Dancho and the door.

"Pepeka, listen to me," Dancho was saying, his voice quiet but urgent. "This is not the time to argue with me. Tell me where you are and we will come for you." He paused then frowned, looking impatient. "Will you stop that? Martyrdom is quite unflattering. Midoya really should have weaned you off your ridiculously romantic ideas." Then a lot more sharply, "Pepeka, do not push me. I am not in the mood to be trifled with. _Thank you_. Now, I'm going to give you some instructions, and you are going to follow them strictly. Very simply, I want you to hide until we reach Hun-ein. If you sense any of the Ryodan's presence nearby, come out and find them. _Do not_ engage with any hunters you meet, no matter how weak they are. Do not let anyone find out you are still alive and on the mountain. If your cover is blown, kill whoever finds you and move to a different location immediately. Do you understand?"

A lone hunter, dressed entirely in black, dashed into the room, glowing fiercely with Nen. He met Machi's threads head-on, breaking through them, only to run into Machi's fist. It knocked him backwards and Shalnark kicked his legs out from under him, bringing him to the floor. In a flash, Machi had the man wrapped up with Nen threads.

"So you're actually on the mountain, not in the Fort," Dancho was saying. "Not a problem. There are plenty of places to hide on a mountain. Do you have a map of the Fort? I see. Very well then. We have no choice. Before you hide away, I need you to find the blue prints of the Fort and send the data to my phone. Any other information would be great too, including security measures, number of hunters and so on. You know the drill."

The screaming in the corridor was fading to silence. The three of the Ryodan outside should be almost done cleaning up the attackers.

"One last piece of information before you hang up," Dancho said, his voice as smooth and cold as snow. "Who was the one who killed Midoya, Pepeka?"

Machi and Shalnark glanced behind.

"I see. Of course, I should have thought so. Midoya would not have fallen to a lone hunter," Dancho said. "I would have expected nothing less from her. Now, carry out my instructions, and be careful."

Dancho hung up his phone just as Phinx, Feitan and Nobunaga returned to the room.

"Dancho?" Shalnark asked.

Dancho clasped his hands together and looked at them appraisingly. "Do you remember what Midoya said when she mentioned the possibility of negotiations failing?" He smiled, and it wasn't a pleasant one. "I do. She said she will destroy the Hunter Association so thoroughly they will never be able to climb back up for centuries. That's what we're going to do, Ryodan. We are going to destroy the Hunter Association, starting with those who killed Midoya. The Zodiacs are our prey."

"All of them?" Phinx asked. To his credit, he only sounded slightly incredulous.

"It took all of them, attacking in groups, to subdue Midoya. Pepeka, who was on the phone just now, isn't sure who actually dealt the final blow, but he knew she fell while fighting all of the Zodiacs. Hence, for fairness's sake, I hold the entire Zodiac responsible for her death."

"That's very fair," Shalnark agreed diplomatically.

"We're going to launch an invasion of Hun-ein," Dancho stated. "We will save Pepeka Timbal from the Fort, where he is now, and we will kill every single hunter hiding in those bunkers. If we find any treasures in that place, we'll take it." Nobunaga cheered, a gleeful look in his eyes and Machi smiled grimly.

"Should I call the rest of the Ryodan?" Shalnark asked.

"No, we can handle this ourselves," Dancho said. "Rather, I would prefer not to delay our attack waiting for the rest of the Ryodan to turn up. I would prefer to extract Pepeka Timbal alive if possible and I do not want to give the hunters time to escape or plan a counter-attack. I hope you are all ready for a little excursion?"

"Of course," Feitan said as if insulted.

Dancho nodded and then looked at the Hunter wrapped in Machi's threads. "You," he said, coming to stand next to the hunter. "Tell me about the route the hunters use to travel from Hun-ein to Hun-eindo. Do not bother telling me it does not exist; I know it does."

"Bite me," the hunter snarled back.

Feitan took a step forward, ready to begin the interrogation but stopped when Dancho casually planted a foot on the man's head and crushed his skull. "I have no time for ill-manners," Dancho said calmly, scraping his boot against the floor. "In five minutes, we're going to attack the mayor's house. I hope for his sake that he will be a little more polite. Be ready."

"Yes Dancho," Machi said as she released her Nen, letting the threads vanish so the corpse dropped limply onto the floor. She watched Dancho retreat to a corner where he whipped off the silly hippie shirt and pulled on a black top and his old coat. Then with a flourish, he tugged the tie-dye bandanna off his head and carefully slicked his hair back, revealing the cross tattoo on his forehead.

"Yes, we're going in as the Ryodan," Dancho said, his back still to her, and Machi jumped.

"That's uh… nice, I guess," she said awkwardly. "But why are we doing this?"

Dancho smiled coldly. "The Hunter Association is going to find out Midoya's mysterious roommate _is_ Kuroro Lucifer, Dancho of the Genei Ryodan," he said, smoothing down his coat. "And, they are going to find out, he does not respond well to others taking what is his. No, not at all. Midoya would kill me if she heard me call her mine, but she is _mine_, and they are going to pay for taking her away from me."

* * *

"Sacred Bunnies and Tits, that was tiring," Piyon moaned, stretching out on the conference table before the rest of the Zodiacs. "I can't believe it took all of us to actually take that Kito brat down."

"Don't be stupid. She was Chairman Netero's last disciple, his prodigy. He put more effort into her than into any of his other disciples," Ginta growled. "Of course she was powerful."

"Yeah, and for all his efforts, she still turned out like _this_," Piyon sniffed, holding a palm out as if that demonstrated the extent to which Midoya had fallen. "You really can't do much with a bad apple now, can you, even if you are the great Netero?"

"Did you just insult Netero, Piyon?" Ginta growled, his voice rising with ire.

"Oh come _on_, Ginta. I meant Midoya was so rotten even Netero couldn't save her. Get off my tits, you ugly fatso."

"Why you…!"

Someone clapped loudly and all of them turned with varying degrees of reluctance to face the clapper. "You guys did well," Pariston beamed. "Midoya is often thought of as invincible by many people. Well, we have proved those who say she is wrong and proved the Zodiac does not take rubbish from anybody, even Chairman Netero's last disciple. I think we all deserve a pat on the back."

A stony silence met his comment then Cheadle, very coldly said, "You deserve a little more credit than us, Pariston."

"Oh? Why do you say so Cheadle-san? I firmly believe that it was our combined efforts that finally led to her defeat, even if I dealt the last blow."

"In the fight yes," Cheadle agreed. "But how did that even come to be in the first place? If you hadn't lured her here, we would never have gotten the chance to take her down."

Pariston's smile widened. "I did well then?" he asked teasingly.

"Yes, you did well; far too well," Cheadle said coldly. "It was underhanded, disgusting and dishonourable."

"Cheadle-san, you wound me."

"I _wound _you?" Cheadle snapped. "You told her you would provide protection for her. You told her if she came to you, you would help her negotiate with whoever was hunting her. You swore to provide sanctuary for her. All those _lies_ just so you could get her here so we could take her down. You betrayed her, Pariston, in the worst way ever. Midoya might have done some horrible things in her life, but at least she was open and honest about them!"

"I'm actually more pissed Pariston didn't consult with any of us before he initiated that plan," Gell said, sharp snake-eyes fixed on Pariston. "Why didn't you tell any of us, Pariston?"

"Because it would have meant failure," Pariston beamed. A roar of protests met that and he held up his hand till they quieted down. "Midoya is an infinitely resourceful woman," he explained calmly. "I do not know what kind of spies she might have within the association. If word got out that the entire Zodiac was hunting her, she would have disappeared and we would never have found her. So, the only way I could get her was to encourage her assumption that only parts of the Zodiac were after her, that the hunt for her was driven by the elections. If I did not offer what I did, we would have not been able to complete this mission." Smiling widely, he leaned over the conference table, planting his hands firmly on it as he looked at the people around the table avoiding his eyes. "Now, if there was anything I could have done differently, _tell me_."

The silence at the table grew increasingly tensed until Ging said gruffly, "You could have not involved Quincy. We could have attacked her before Quincy made her antsy enough to leave her penthouse. We could have ended it there. And why the hell did you give her body to that sick pervert anyway?"

Pariston shrugged. "A fight between all twelve Zodiacs and Midoya would have levelled the entire city. You saw what it did to the east side of Hun-ein. I doubt any vegetation will grow there for years despite the fertile soil and ample rainfall. Quincy had a better chance at getting to her without destroying the city. That he failed and forced my hand was a pity, but no matter. Midoya is no longer a threat, and that is the important thing, no? And Quincy _was_ promised the chance to study her, so it is not like I could just back out on that promise."

"You mean unlike the way you backed out on your promises to Midoya?" Cheadle asked hotly.

Abruptly, Pariston's laptop started to beep frantically. Surprised, he hesitated for a second then flipped the laptop open. He stared at it quietly for a moment. "Well, well, well," he said quietly and started plugging the laptop into the projector so the rest of the Zodiac could see what was on the screen.

"What are you doing?" Cheadle asked suspiciously.

"I have a video call incoming," Pariston said, sounding entirely too serious. "It's from an address that I know to be Midoya's."

The silence around the table turned electric as the screen of Pariston's laptop flickered onto the large screen in the room. Without seeking permission from the rest of the Zodiacs, Pariston picked up the call.

A handsome face, pale and lovely, with intense black eyes and neatly slicked back hair stared out of them from the screen. The forehead sported a tattoo in the form of a stylised cross and heavy, blue earrings hung from delicate ears. White, luxurious fur framed the beautiful face, making it appear slightly surreal.

"_Good afternoon,"_ a voice, low, smoky and masculine said. _"I presume I am speaking with the Zodiac?"_

"Yes, I am Pariston of the Zodiac and…"

"_I know who you are."_ The large, intelligent, _cold_ eyes scanned the room. _"You must have guessed from my voice who I am." _

"Indeed," Pariston said, smiling widely. "You are the man who had been staying with Midoya. I recognised your voice from hearing it from some of Quincy's recordings."

"_Yes, my name is Kuroro Lucifer, and I am Dancho of the Genei Ryodan." _

Shocked noises erupted from the table. Pariston's smile blinked out of existence before it returned with even greater intensity. "That's a… surprise. We noted the similarities, but no one honestly believed you were Kuroro Lucifer in person. We thought you were a look-a-like that Midoya had picked up on a whim. She does like toys that way. Her report about castrating you, a false one I see now, did a lot to convince us of that that."

"_But of course. Both Midoya and I took precautions to ensure no one ever linked the two of us together, until we were ready for it." _

"Hold on a minute!" Ginta interrupted agitatedly. "You're Kito's boyfriend, aren't you? You mean to tell me Kito has been dating you, the Dancho of the fucking Genei Ryodan? Did that ungrateful bitch really sink that low?"

The lovely eyes glanced at Ginta, dark sooty lashes half-covering his eyes and he said, _"One might say that. Given how it is this hunter here who lured her to her death with promises of safety though, I can hardly say that dating a Class A criminal instead of a hunter is much of a downgrade. I am a criminal. I am untrustworthy. I do not claim to be loyal, faithful or even monogamous to Midoya. But at the very least, I have never lied to Midoya about any of that." _

Ginta's face snapped back as if he had been slapped, and his mouth opened and closed in an unflattering manner.

"What do you want, Lucifer?" Cheadle asked calmly.

A smile ghosted over the face, as beautiful and as chilling as blood spilled over fresh snow. _"I want your deaths," _he said emotionlessly. _"I want the total destruction of the Hunter Association. I wouldn't be able to do it the way Midoya would have done it, through buying governments and rallying the mafia with her status and power, so I'm just going to have to kill all the hunters until there are none left in this world. I'll start with everyone in the Fort at present." _

The table erupted into furious shouting and Pariston raised his hand again. "Ah, but surely we can negotiate something," Pariston said brightly. "You must have contacted us for a reason…"

"_Negotiations are not acceptable,"_ the beautiful stranger said calmly. _"I merely contacted you to let you know the Genei Ryodan is coming and we will not leave till your corpses litter the floors." _

"It will be your death!" Kanzai roared. "We will kill you and your fucking Ryodan!"

And the stranger started to laugh, a silent, mirthless laugh that sent chills down Pariston's spine. The entire table fell silent as they watched him laugh. _"We are from Meteor City. Surely you know how we function by now,"_ he said, still chuckling. _"Go ahead and try. Even if we fail now, others will come, and still others more. There are so many of us in Meteor City. It will never end until we have avenged Midoya. That is our way. When one of us is murdered or wronged in anyway, our culture is to line the funeral pyre with as many corpses as possible, and there are so many people in the Fort that can contribute to Midoya's funeral in their own little ways."_ He smiled at them coldly. _"Midoya was a very special individual. I have never met anyone like her before, and it is doubtful I will ever meet anyone like her again. I will not forgive you for taking her away from me. Prepare yourself, Hunters, prepare to fight for your life and to die screaming in agony. There will be no easy death for people like you."_

Abruptly, the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan hung up on them and the Zodiacs exhaled a collective sigh of relief. There was something about that man that compelled them to sit obediently and listen to him berate them like naughty children; there was an intensity bordering on insanity in those eyes that had stolen their ability to resist, and it was not something that sat well with the Zodiacs, twelve of the most powerful Hunters on the planet.

"You've brought a shit load of ruin down on us," Kanzai growled. "What do you propose to do about this now, Pariston? Unlike Kito, that fucker isn't going to listen to any of your bullshit. There's no negotiating with those crazy fuckers."

"What do I propose we do?" Pariston asked, looking amused. "I propose we kill the Genei Ryodan before they can kill us, of course. We are all Hunters with Stars, no? Well, let's act like it. Prepare the hunters for battle. There are only thirteen members maximum in the Genei Ryodan. We have a hundred hunters here _and_ the Zodiac. We will defeat them, no worries."

"No worries," Ginta grumbled as they got to their feet to leave. "You always say that, and look what's happened now? We're about to be besieged in our own super-secret bunker by the undefeated Genei Ryodan and their leader who likes Midoya enough that he wants to avenge her. Good god, if only Netero was here instead of you, Pariston. If only…"

* * *

Hanging up on the Zodiac, Kuroro leaned back in the comfortable leather armchair and smiled with grim satisfaction. It had been surprisingly easy to intimidate some of the hunters he had just spoken to. That wouldn't do. He wanted them to fight back, wanted them to resist. All the better for him to break them.

"Was that wise, Dancho?" Shalnark asked from behind the heavy oak desk in front of him. "Letting them know we are coming for them? It gives them more time to prepare or flee."

"On the contrary, I did it precisely so they wouldn't flee," Kuroro replied. "If they don't hear from the hunters sent to kill us, they would know that they have failed and we are still alive. By letting them know that we are coming for them, it is more likely that they will bring all the hunters scattered around Hun into the Fort to strengthen the defences and to protect any lone hunters from being picked off by us. After all, they know that we are nearby, so they don't have time to flee. The only other option is to hold up and hope they can survive our onslaught. The Fort _is_ their safety bunker, and they feel safe there. They will think it is easier to protect themselves from within the Fort than leave it now. It saves us the trouble of going after stragglers too."

"You're so determined to kill all hunters?" Shalnark asked uneasily. "I'm a Hunter too, you know?"

Kuroro smiled. "Shalnark, you are a Spider first and foremost. There is no reason for me to kill you at all."

"Oh good," Shalnark said, looking relieved. "Just checking."

"Idiot. Like Dancho would waste his time killing a geek like you," Nobunaga snorted, coming over to join them.

"I was just checking!" Shalnark whined, and Nobunaga snorted derisively.

"How's Feitan doing?" Kuroro asked, putting an end to the fight he knew was coming.

"Not bad, if the amount of blood on the ground is any indication," Nobunaga said, nodding towards the corner Machi and Feitan were in.

Kuroro's eyes looked in the corner indicated where a corpulent, naked man was kneeling between Machi and Feitan, screaming in agony. Machi had her Nen threads wrapped around him and Feitan was doing something invasive and violent to him with an ice-pick. Machi looked bored. Feitan looked amused.

"I… I swear… I told you… everything…!" the man stuttered through the blood flowing down his face. "P… please…!"

"I wouldn't know that," Feitan said, sounding entirely too gleeful. "Perhaps you are a very loyal follower of the Hunter Association and are willing to brave all manners of mutilation and amputation to protect them. There's only one way to be sure. Lift his arms, Machi."

Machi did so with a flick of her fingers and the man screamed a horrible, gargling scream that barely sounded human. With a satisfied gleam in his eyes, Feitan stepped back from the figure and nodded at Machi who let the man drop carelessly onto the ground.

"What does the mayor say?" Kuroro asked as Feitan approached him.

"Not much. He did scream a lot though. Mostly, he screamed about a tunnel that runs from the port, straight as the bird flies, through to Hun-ein. You were right Dancho. A straight pass that bypasses all the waiting, driving over curves and turns and bumpy roads, would reduce travelling time significantly." Feitan smiled. "The dear mayor also obligingly revealed that there is a second entrance to the tunnel that is in the basement of this mansion. We can be in Hun-ein within six hours."

"Excellent." Kuroro stood up and strode over to the quavering man on the floor. "The tunnel will, undoubtedly, be guarded. The Zodiacs know Pepeka is still free somewhere, and would presume that he has given us information about this fast and direct route straight into the Fort." Leaning over the man, Kuroro asked, "How many Hunters are in the Fort?"

"I… I don't know. A hundred or so, the last I heard… mostly part-time hunters," the man gasped, hands clamped to his stomach.

"Thank you for your help," Kuroro said gently. Over his shoulder, he nodded at the Ryodan members watching him. "Let's go."

"Should I kill him?" Feitan asked, gesturing at the man on the ground.

Kuroro glanced down at the shaking, gasping man trying to hold his internal organs in. "No matter," Kuroro said with a shrug. "He'll be dead in a few minutes or so anyway." His phone beeped and he pulled it out. A glance at the screen brought a smile to his face. "Pepeka has come through with the maps," he said, pleased. "It is time to start our assault."

Stepping into a luxuriously carpeted corridor littered with the dead bodies of the mayor's household staff, Kuroro touched the tip of his forefinger to the tip of his thumb, feeling the Nen burning in his hand as he did. Rubbing gently, he felt the Nen start to heat up his fingers until a spark sprung from it and dropped onto the carpets that smelt of gasoline. Immediately, the entire corridor lit up in flames and the dying man in the room screamed in horror.

Ignoring the screams, the Ryodan descended into the basement where a long tunnel awaited them, at the end of which was vengeance – sweet vengeance served the way only the Meteor City residents knew how: over-the top, bloody and gory.

* * *

A/N: And that's another chapter. Next chapter will be the attack on the Fort!

Trivial: Pepeka's sister, Kikita Timbal, hadn't been kidding about learning to protect herself instead of relying on a man to protect her. Shortly after leaving her hometown, she journeyed up the Mountain of Golden Sheep and trained with the Monk Sit-On-A-Blade-Of-Grass to become a top _kungfu_ master. After that, she travelled to the Desert of the Dead to learn the art of fighting on horseback. Her next stop was the City of Heroes where she became the master of several weapons, including the sword, the spear, the axe, the bow and arrow, and the morningstar. Given her progression, it was almost inevitable that she would eventually find a master to learn Nen from.

Shortly after mastering Nen, Kikita ran into Midoya on a mission. Kikita was protecting a group of treasure hunters scavenging for treasures in a protected ancient tomb and Midoya was there to stop the treasure hunters from robbing a protected historical site clean. Given that they were on opposite sides, they proceeded to beat the crap out of each other. After they fought to a draw some twenty-four hours later, Midoya treated Kikita to dinner. In return, Kikita treated Midoya to drinks at a bar.

Sometime in between the tenth shot of pure vodka and the sixth shot of tequila, Midoya managed to convince Kikita that the treasure hunters were the scourge of the earth and Kikita managed to persuade Midoya that it was a _smashing_ idea to take all the treasures in the ancient tomb for themselves. By the time they left the bar, both of them were so drunk they couldn't walk straight. The bar was also on fire, but that was beside the point. The point was, though they were still up to their eyeballs in alcohol, they both had perfect memories of where the treasure hunters and where the ancient tomb was.

Subsequently, the both of them, still drunk and giggling incessantly, had killed the treasure hunters and stolen all the treasures from the ancient tomb. The next day, they woke up in Midoya's hotel room in varying degrees of undress, with a pounding hangover, a pile of corpses and an even larger pile of gold statues occupying Midoya's floor. The next two weeks was spent trying to cover up their drunken escapade while blaming each other viciously for the stupid mistakes.

Up till now, they have remained the best of friends.


	9. Ruining the Fort

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Ruining the Fort

The room was a sterile white, brightly lit by glaring fluorescent lights. The odour of formaldehyde and strong antiseptics permeated the room, sinking into fabric and skin alike. In the centre of the room, on top of a metal gurney lay a body, dyed a disturbing bluish white by the harsh overhead lights focused on it. A group of scientists, dressed in yellow-stained white leaned over it. One in particular, an old man with wispy white hair, held out a hand.

"Scalpel," he demanded, his voice muffled by the mask he was wearing. One of the other faceless scientists handed a scalpel over and the old man leaned back over the body, his face close to the torso, which had been opened up to reveal the internal organs. It was impossible to see the old man's face, covered as it was, but his body language was relaxed; he obviously had no trouble with his close proximity to dead flesh.

If Moonshine hadn't been a similarly hard-hearted bastard, he would have lost his lunch a long time ago.

Leaning against the back of the room, Moonshine watched the scientists go about their wet work with a deep frown. Earlier, some of them had tried to chase him out, but a scowl and a threat to blow the body to pieces had been enough to chase them away. He didn't know why he had done that. It was not like he particularly wanted to see the innards of Midoya Kito. Yet here he was, watching with narrowed eyes as the scientists cheerfully opened up her body and prodded at all the squishy bits inside.

Perhaps he was sorry he hadn't gotten a chance to fight her. By the time he heard that she was coming to the Fort, she had already been fighting the Zodiac, the whole bunch of them tearing up and down the entire mountainside as she led them on a merry dance through the dense forests. Moonshine had been incapable of doing anything but watch from a distance as the fight ended when Gell's snakes lashed out and through Kito's body. Then Pariston had been there, straddling the writhing woman before slipping a knife through her ribs, just as Moonshine had always wanted to – and it was over.

But it wasn't that. Not really. He _was_ pissed off that he hadn't had a chance to take a crack at that woman, but after watching her fight… damn if he hadn't already known he would lose. It was not that she was so overwhelmingly powerful that she could hold off all twelve Zodiacs. It was nothing like that, _far_ from that in fact; as powerful as Midoya was, the Zodiacs as a group were infinitely more powerful. It was how she had recognised that she couldn't take on more than one or two Zodiacs at one time, and had chosen to fight a guerrilla war instead. Rather than fighting head-on, powering through the Zodiac with her ridiculous Nen, she had ran, forcing the Zodiac members to disperse as they scrambled after her. She had struck back only when there was a chance, actually managing to injure several of the Zodiacs as she danced through the forests, hiding and creeping, running and leaping. Moonshine was pretty darn certain she would have gotten away too if there hadn't been another factor.

Her disciple.

Timbal hadn't been stupid. When she told him to run, he had run, never even looking back to check on his sensei. But as fast as he was, the boy was still a greenhorn in many ways, and he just hadn't been fucking fast enough. Ging had caught the boy, crushing him to the earth with his Nen. The boy had tried to fight back, but there was no way he could have defeated Ging Freecs of all people, even if the man was only trying to restrain him, not kill him.

So Midoya had abandoned her hiding place, moved out into the open even though all the Zodiacs were near the boy and ready for her. She hadn't wasted effort protecting herself. She had gone right for Ging, hitting him so hard the man actually flew a good ten feet away. Then she had picked her disciple up and flung him as far as she could, shouting at him to run. The boy had literally flew down the mountainside and Midoya had turned back to face the Zodiac – but it was too late. The Zodiacs were good people most of the time, but they weren't above ignoring an exposed back during a fight.

Swords, spears, Nen-blades – all manners of sharp weapons had gone through her body, and Kito's pale skin had turned a horrifyingly beautiful red. Even so, Kito had fought back, turning into a strange white mist before reappearing elsewhere. But the wounds eventually took their toll. She bled out, lost enough blood that she slowed. It only took one mistake, one moment of dizziness, one fucking distraction and that was it for her. Once that happened, it had been over and now…

Moonshine glared at the scientists surrounding the table. It wasn't fucking fair. Okay, Moonshine knew that in a fight, all was equal. Only thing that mattered was who won, screw the method used. But… that fight… there was something about it that just rubbed him wrong. It had been twelve people against one, for one. And, if rumours be trusted, Kito had been lured here with promises of safety (god knew why the fuck she actually believed any of that).

And that was the problem, wasn't it? Moonshine always believed whoever hit the hardest laughed the hardest. This fight hadn't been about strength though. It had been about lies and trickery and ganging up on the underdog. It hadn't been a fight at all. It had been a bunch of bullies ganging up on an isolated person. And… oh, fucking bastard shit fuck _goddamn it_, that was the fucking problem: it kept making Moonshine _remember_ stuff from school… from those fucking frat boys and their fucking tendency to move in fucking packs and…

Moonshine growled and the scientists nearest to him glanced at him warily before looking away quickly when he glared. What right did these scientists have to Kito's body anyway? They hadn't hunted her down with their own strength. They had waited till the Zodiacs had brought her down before hovering around her still body and chopping into her with their puny little knives and… What the fuck was wrong with him? Hadn't he been waiting for her downfall for a long time?

Yes. Yes, but not like this. Not hunted down like a wild animal. Not fleeing the person who had betrayed her trust. Not laid out under a spotlight and chopped up like a piece of meat. Because fuck it if Moonshine would admit it now, but even if he believed in strength, in power, in brutal pre-emptive action against the enemy… he fucking hated bullies and the Zodiacs, these scientists, these fucking hunters were all fucking bullies.

Slowly, as if in a dream, Moonshine pushed himself off the wall and regarded the scientists with a wild, intense glare. He watched their greedy expressions as they sifted through the meat on the table. Oh yeah, they were bullies alright, and Kito, for all her bitchiness and downright… bloody irritating-ness, wasn't. If anything, she always got what she wanted through her own damn strength. If she had more of that than others, it wasn't her goddamn fault either.

Moonshine took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Now he knew what the fuck was making him so pissed. Now he knew what the fuck he should do.

It was Quincy's head who snapped up to look at him first, but one by one, the other scientists turned away from the body to stare at him too.

Moonie grinned a feral, wild grin. "Okay, _doctors_, who wants to be the first to join Kito on the platter?"

And hey, what do you know? They couldn't run fast enough either.

* * *

The neck between his hands made a satisfying _crack_ and the body slumped to the dirt beneath his feet. Phinx grinned and flexed his fingers, looking around at the dead corpses littering the ground. Luxuriously, he stretched, smile widening with pleasure as he felt his muscles flex. "Damn, I know I shouldn't be saying this, but there's nothing like a good vengeance mission, you know? It's practically the only time Dancho lets us go full out and kill every living creature we come across."

A cold voice snorted in reply. "I dare you to try saying that in front of Dancho," Feitan said, strolling up to stand next to him, casually flicking blood off his katana. "Dancho will have your hide for making light of Kito's death. Not that I care what happens to Kito and her disciple."

Phinx snorted back. "No one would dare say something like that in front of Dancho," he said. "But I'm surprised you didn't agree with me about how fucking awesome killing everything here is. Hell, you barely kept up with me when I was killing those buggers. Ah, I knew we shouldn't have let you torture that mayor so much. You vented too much of your bloodlust there, man."

"Phinx, I assure you I have plenty of bloodlust left," Feitan said coldly, but his eyes were alight with humour. "Torturing a fat pig like that could hardly satisfy me. His innards yielded too easily to my blade. I prefer prey that fights back; they always last the longest… and scream the loudest."

"Yeah, well," Phinx looked around at the forests they were in. "We'll have plenty of prey for you to mess around with here."

Shortly after leaving the tunnel, Dancho had gathered them around and given them orders. Phinx, Feitan, Shalnark and Nobunaga were to sweep the outside of the Fort, the mountain sides of Hun-ein, eliminating any Hunters they found. Then, while Phinx and Feitan stood guard on the outside, they were to enter the Fort itself, which was situated _inside_ Hun-ein, and join Kuroro and Machi in cleaning up the rest of the Hunters. At the moment, Phinx and Feitan were sweeping the west-side of the mountain, while Shalnark and Nobunaga had went to the east-side. They had already cleared the south-side, and were supposed to make their way towards the north-side where the entrance to the Fort was. As it was, with how weak the hunters were, the work was boring, barely enough to warm them up.

"Prey," Feitan sneered in response to Phinx's earlier comment. "This trash hardly proved much of a challenge for us. The Hunter Association might as well just hang out bags of sand for us to slash at for all the good these so-called 'guards' do. I swear, even the mafia put up a much better show than these hunters. I really don't see how valued a Hunter License can be if the people holding them are so weak."

"Heh, I bet you the really powerful Hunters want nothing to do with the association. They're probably like Kito or Shalnark, looking for funsies elsewhere."

"And they all gravitated towards the Ryodan." Feitan eyed Phinx's broad back as they continued their track towards the north. "I'm starting to agree with Machi."

"Huh?" Phinx asked. "Agree with what?"

"Her opinion that Dancho wanted Kito to join the Ryodan. Don't you remember? Nobu thinks Dancho actually loves her. Machi thought Dancho wanted her to join the Ryodan. We thought he was just making use of her. I think now that Machi is right. Dancho obviously likes Kito more than he would any old mark. But Dancho isn't weak enough to fall in love. He wants her to join the Ryodan –_ wanted_ her to join the Ryodan."

"Huh. Makes sense. Dancho's got some balls, I must say." Almost casually, Phinx grabbed a man hiding in the trees and crushed his skull. "Not like I know Kito that well, but she strikes me as the kind of person that isn't easily tamed. I mean, those rumours that she took Dancho's balls? People believed it because everyone knows Kito is totally up to doing something like that. She's a fucking beast, man."

"All of us are, Phinx. Dancho has had plenty of experience dealing with people like that." Feitan's arms flashed gracefully and another hunter tumbled dead to the ground.

"True." Phinx sighed as Feitan's sword flashed again and took the hunter Phinx had been eyeing for some time now. "Damn if you're right, Feitan. These buggers are so fucking _worthless_. If I didn't like the feel of breaking their necks so much, I might just walk off the mountain and be done with it."

"I told you," Feitan replied bluntly. "Dancho was right to say we could take the entire Fort with just the six of us, seven if we can actually locate Timbal. This entire Fort is a joke."

And of course, it was at that exact moment that the entire mountainside erupted in flames.

* * *

The sound of the explosion was loud enough to rock the ground they were standing on. Roaring, it thundered through them, shaking trees and bushes until dead leaves fell to the ground like a swarm of dying insects. Nobunaga flicked blood and guts off his sword and turned to watch as an entire pillar of fire lit up the sky.

"That's where Phinx and Feitan are," Shalnark said from behind him.

"They'll be fine," Nobunaga replied brusquely.

"I know. I'm more worried about what that explosion indicated: the nature of the booby traps on our side," Shalnark replied, dodging a hunter then breaking the hunter's nose. "Ooh, close."

"You're just slow," Nobunaga grumbled. "Damn, I wish I could have gone with Dancho into the Fort first. I fucking hate trees." He glared accusingly at the foliage around them as if he could set them on fire too.

"Can't be helped," Shalnark said with a shrug. "Dancho probably figured Machi's threads would work better in the cramped conditions inside than your sword."

"I know that," Nobunaga complained. "I just… Argh, damn it, will you idiots go away?" Scowling, he swept his katana in a wide arc, slicing several hunters into half.

"It's no use telling them to go away, Nobu. We're supposed to kill them anyway. If they run away, we'll have to go after them, which will be a lot more…"

"I get it! I get it!" Nobunaga shouted. "I'm not an idiot, damn it!" Howling with rage, he leapt into a crowd of hunters, katana swinging back and forth.

Following behind at a more subdued pace, Shalnark frowned at Nobunaga. "What are you so upset about?" he asked.

"This whole fucking mission," Nobunaga grumbled, stomping obliviously on a corpse which squished under his foot. "Damn. I mean. Damn. Dancho's finally got a girlfriend and she ends up dead. _Damn_."

"What's so bad about that? I mean, okay, death is not that great a thing I guess, but Kito is a Hunter, she knew the risks. And Dancho knew the kind of life Kito led. It's not like he didn't figure she might get killed one day."

"That's not the point!" Nobunaga shouted stubbornly. "Damn it! She shouldn't have died! I bet you anything they used some fucking underhanded manner to fucking _kill_ her!"

"Oh god, you're going back into your 'Ubo phrase'."

"What the fuck do you mean?"

"You know… after Ubo died, you want insane trying to kill everyone who so much as had anything to do with his death? And you were so stubborn about it. No one could dissuade you from doing it."

"And what's wrong with that? Ubo was my friend!"

"I know, it's just the way you were…"

"What fucking way, nerd?"

"The one where you…" Shalnark stopped and raised a finger to quieten Nobunaga's heated comment. "Hear that?"

Still scowling, Nobunaga frowned in concentration. There was a… rumbling sound and… was that…

"Hooves?" Nobunaga asked hesitantly.

Then without warning, from deep within the forest, a knight in full medieval armour, glowing red hot, exploded into the open.

* * *

After having been deprived of his Nen for so long, Kuroro would have thought that being able to use Nen again in a deadly fight would have been a great joy for him. And it was in a way, he mused, as he strode down the corridor, Benz knife flickering left and right, neatly slitting the throats of hunters as he passed them. It was extremely delightful to be able to march into battle with the knowledge that he could probably hold his own against most of the fighters here. That he was no longer reliant on anyone to defend him was also a big boost for his ego too. It was just _unsatisfying _somehow. Perhaps it was because the hunters here were so weak he hardly had to use any Nen at all. Or perhaps…

"I would have liked to see how well Midoya and I work together when we're both in full fighting form," he said wistfully as he decapitated a hunter. "If there's one thing we've never really done together before; it's _fight_ together against others with Nen. I imagine it would have been quite a sight to see. Midoya is a fantastic, _beautiful_ fighter. You will never guess how graceful she can be with the way she looks. Ah, but you know that already, Machi. You have seen her fight Ubo, Nobu and Shizuku."

"Um. Yeah," Machi said awkwardly from somewhere ahead of him, where she had been strangling a group of hunters.

"I asked her to join the Ryodan, you know? She didn't give a reply straightaway though. I respect her for that; not many people understand how big a commitment it is, joining the Ryodan."

"Hah! I knew it," Machi muttered.

"Still, I don't suppose she would have enjoyed the fight now. These hunters are so infinitely weak it's rather a shame wasting our talents on killing them. Still, a promise is a promise, and I would like to see Midoya's last wish come true. I appreciate the help you have provided, Machi. It is very nice of you to assist me in my vengeance even though Midoya is not technically Ryodan and is thus, not really your business."

"Uh. Well… she helped you the last time, I guess, so it's fine us taking revenge for her."

"Oh yes, she did help me. I am still very grateful for the ability to use my Nen again. Look, I can just teleport this hunter here… and… presto, he's dead. Ah, it is a pleasure to be able to use my Nen again. She, that is, Midoya took me alligator hunting, did I ever mention that?"

"Um, no? You went alligator hunting? I thought you liked alligators."

"Well, she did and I do. She took me to the Lori Swamps. I killed a rather hefty alligator. It tried to eat me when I petted it, you see, which was incredibly rude of it. I, in turn, almost got eaten by a _Juwasi_. It means 'looks like granddad's bottom' and it did too. And we killed a giant spider with fireworks. I think doing that quite cured me of my fear of spiders. Nowadays, I can look at my tattoo without wanting to rip my own skin off."

"Uh huh…" Machi muttered, giving him a look which told Kuroro that he was exposing a little too much of his heavily disturbed psyche for her to handle. So he smiled apologetically and concentrated on killing the hunters running at him.

During a brief pause, Kuroro whipped out a clicker and counted out the number of people they had killed so far. "Thirty exactly," he told Machi. "That would hardly be enough to line one end of a typical Meteor City funeral pyre."

"Yeah. We need quite a bit more, especially in this case."

"Yes, treachery is the worst of all crimes, which means we need a bigger pyre." The hunter Kuroro had been advancing on turned and fled, and Kuroro put a throwing knife through the back of his head.

"Uh huh. Say, Dancho?"

"Yes Machi?"

"When you mentioned those _Juwasi_ things…"

"Yes?"

"Did they kind of look like a giant beetle with the head of a rat and the arms and legs of a human?"

"Some of them probably did, not that I noticed. Why do you ask?"

"Because there's one hiding in the ventilation shaft above us."

Kuroro's head snapped up so hard he heard something click in his neck. Ignoring the hunters that were fleeing before him, he scanned the shaft above them carefully. Directly above them was the opening to a ventilation shaft. Peering down at them was the head of a gigantic rat, attached to some kind of insect-like body. Human hands, almost grotesquely slender and pale gripped the grilles of the opening - and shoved.

They barely managed to get out of the way as the bizarre creature scuttled through the opening like a giant cockroach, human hands sticking to the walls easily. More followed. Creatures that looked like someone had taken Noah's Ark, threw it into a blender and then got a deranged child to stick everything back together with glue. And right after that, Doctor Frankenstein sent a nice jolt of electricity through them, brought them to life, and taught each and every one of them how to use Nen.

"Curious that they are here given that the Hunter Association was the one who ordered the extermination of the species," Kuroro noted nonchalantly as the ants started to surround them.

"Dancho," Machi said, her eyes glowing with _Gyo_. "Is it just me or do those things know Nen?"

"They know Nen," Kuroro said, calmly summoning his book. "They are also very fast, very strong and appallingly good at throwing their bodily fluids at others."

"And there are ten of them."

"_And _there are ten of them. Yes, I noticed." Kuroro smiled faintly. "Given the odds against us, I think it shouldn't take us more than five minutes to finish them off."

Machi snorted. "Five minutes? If it takes us that long, Ubo and Paku will laugh at us from their graves."

"Very true," Kuroro acknowledged then summoned a katana, slightly slimmer than a standard one, which glowed green. Casually, he raised it and pointed it at the nearest creature. "Come," he said to it. "I have more important prey to hunt and you are in my way."

Quite obligingly, the creature (a strange mixture of a collie, an elephant and a dolphin) launched itself at him. Kuroro showed his appreciation for its enthusiasm by lopping its head off.

Nearby, Machi was weaving through the creatures, seemingly just dodging the attacks coming her way instead of engaging her opponents. That was until she reached the other side of the creature where she held up a hand, glowing with Nen threads that were wrapped around various limbs and appendages. The creatures made strange squawking sounds as a powerful tug from Machi dragged some of them to the ground. Swiftly, Kuroro moved in, katana flickering back and forth as he struck the creatures. Immediately, the rot set in, and the creatures started to decay rapidly, howling horrible as they did.

"Less than a minute," Machi snorted derisively. "You made them sound more impressive than they really are."

"Or we are more powerful than I ever imagined," Kuroro countered. "Which would be useful," he added, nodding towards one end of the corridor, "since there are more of them."

"Huh," Machi commented as she turned to face the corridor, now practically teaming with the creatures. "That's a lot of them."

"Thirty or so."

"Alright," Machi said grudgingly, as both she and Kuroro slid into fighting positions. "We can take five minutes this time, and if Ubo or Paku have anything to say to that, _fuck _them."

* * *

As the horse, bearing a knight in full medieval armour, crashed towards them, Shalnark and Nobunaga flung themselves to the side, barely missing being hit by red-hot horse shoes. The horse tossed its head, neighed loudly, and turned around to meet them. Nobunaga immediately put one hand protectively around a very vulnerable area of his anatomy, having had extremely bad experiences with horses before.

"Hieee," the rider said comfortingly and the horse stomped on the spot instead of kicking Nobunaga in a very precious area. "Sorry about that," the rider added to them.

"No problem," Shalnark said, climbing cautiously to his feet.

"Not much of a problem," Nobunaga growled, still gripping his katana. The only reason why his katana hadn't greeted the newcomer's head yet was simply because Phinx and Feitan were perched, quite precariously, on the back of the horse. What with how big the rider was in the first place, there wasn't much space on the horse, and Phinx and Feitan had ended up squashed together more closely than either of them must be comfortable with. Nobunaga fought a smile that threatened to surface when he saw the slightly disgruntled looks on their faces. "What's up, Feitan, Phinx."

Feitan slid off the rump off the horse with a great deal more dignity than most people could have managed in the situation. "Not much," he said dismissively as Phinx landed on the ground next to him. "The mountain caught fire. We escaped. The rest of the hunters camped there probably did not."

"You got all of them," the knight confirmed, sliding off the horse too. Immediately, the horse and the armour vanished to reveal Kito's beefy disciple. "Hey," he greeted, sounding uncharacteristically subdued. There was mud and blood on his face, and he looked like he had spent the last ten hours crying. The Ryodan members promptly made it a point of not noticing how red his eyes were.

"You're not Reinforcement?" Nobunaga exclaimed instead, looking disappointed. "Damn, I thought for sure you were Reinforcement."

"No, I'm Materialization," Pepeka said with a look on his face which would have been 'puzzled' if it didn't look so half-hearted. "What's wrong with that?"

"Uh, nothing," Nobunaga mumbled, giving an almost-too-innocent-looking Shalnark a warning glare.

"Nice save though," Phinx said, giving the young man a clap on the back. "When the mountain exploded, Feitan and I jumped off a nearby cliff and landed right on top of his horse."

"It was actually an accident," Pepeka said with a tired shrug. "I was waiting for you guys to finish your fight before I came out. I didn't expect the mountain side to explode or for the two of you to jump onto me."

"Ah, you wouldn't have waited long then. Those hunters we encountered were really bad fighters."

"They were probably just part-time hunters; just weak losers. There're not that many true hunters actually." Pepeka looked around listlessly. "Where's Lucifer?" he asked.

"In the Fort," Shalnark replied. "We were supposed to meet Dancho in there once we cleaned up the trash outside."

Pepeka's forehead creased with confusion. "What's he doing in the Fort?" he asked, panic lifting his face. "I thought I told him to get away? The Zodiacs are hunting him!"

"He's avenging your sensei of course," Feitan said as if that should have been obvious. "How many have you guys got so far? We've got fifteen."

"Same," Shalnark agreed. "That makes thirty. Huh. I hope we find more along the way; thirty's hardly enough to line one side of a funeral pyre."

"Whoa," Pepeka said, holding up his hands which were torn and covered with dirt. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. Revenge? Funeral pyre?"

"Yeah," Nobunaga said slowly in deference to Timbal's obviously slow and distressed state of mind. "Kito was Dancho's woman, right? Well, that makes her part of Meteor City. She deserves a proper Meteor City burial. That includes the death of all who wronged her, which is the whole Hunter Association. Largely because we couldn't figure out who to put the blame on. Anyway, it is just as well since we want to make a huge pyre for Kito. We'll probably use the bodies to line the funeral pyre if we can find her corpse. If we can't, we'll still build a funeral pyre anyway, maybe use some of her belongings as a substitute for the body."

"We need a couple of bodies for the wicker man too."

"Oh right. I like them wicker men. If we can, we should use lives ones in those. It's always a sight to see once the flames go up. The kids back home will like it."

"Yeah, it's always a treat having a wicker man. Remember when we were kids and there this one time when…"

"Whoa!" Pepeka exclaimed desperately. "Hold on! Firstly, Sensei is _not_ Lucifer's woman, okay? If she were here, she would take offense to being called that, and you don't want to see sensei take offense ever. Like, bad things happen. And even if she's not here, it's not _nice_ to make dead people angry. She may come back to haunt you just for kicks, because that's the sensei I know. She's just his… erm… well… lover, I guess? Secondly, when the fuck did sensei become part of Meteor City? You mean it isn't enough she's part of the Mafia? Now, she has to be part of another group of fucking _weird_ people?"

"Hey, don't compare Meteor City to the Mafia."

"Yeah, the Mafia has nothing on Meteor City when it comes to weirdness. 'Weird' is in our blood, okay?"

"Thirdly," Pepeka went on, deeply aggrieved. "Sensei left strict orders about how her funeral is going to be like, okay? She told me before. She wants us to make a party of her funeral. Like… she suggested a dance floor and some form of music band. She also suggested a stand-up comedian or possibly a re-enactment of _Hamlet_ because she thinks that's the funniest play Shakespeare ever wrote."

"Huh."

"A music band, huh?"

"Perhaps it would fit between the wicker man and the funeral pyre."

Pepeka opened his mouth to protest then shut it with an unhappy sigh. "It's not like I can fault you guys for wanting to give sensei a proper farewell," he said miserably.

Nobunaga glanced at the sad face the young man was wearing and gave him a friendly pat. "Cheer up," he said, grinning. "We could make the burning of the human sacrifices a huge party. We'll invite all her friends and have plenty of beer or something. Or does Kito not drink beer because she wasn't born in shit and dirt? What's classier than beer?"

"Red beer?"

"That's called wine, Phinx."

"Yeah, anyway, we can have Kito's friends come over and drink wine. It'll be cool." Nobunaga grinned with pride at his own brilliant idea.

Pepeka shook his head mournfully. "I think sensei doesn't have a lot of friends actually, and most of sensei's friends are hunters."

"Ah, even better. They'll get the best seats in the wicker man."

Pepeka sighed again, looking exhausted. "I am so disturbed I can't even tell you how disturbed I am."

"Rubbish. This is nowhere near as disturbing as we can get. You should see Shalnark trying to pick up chicks. Now _that's_ disturbing."

"What? Why is that disturbing?" Shalnark, who had been quiet so far, interrupted angrily.

"How is a pick-up line like 'Would you like to be the USB port to my thumb-drive" _not_ disturbing?"

"It's _not_! It's just called being myself!"

"Which is downright fucking disturbing in its own right. This is why you're still a virgin."

"Nobu!"

Ignoring the bickering pair, Pepeka turned to the slightly saner-looking people. "So erm… what are we doing now?" he asked hesitantly.

Feitan gave him a look that told Pepeka exactly what Feitan thought of his intellectual level, his level of maturity and the size of his manhood. "Continue taking revenge for Kito, of course," Feitan told him. "Once we're done with those in the Fort, there're still all those hunters out there to kill."

"Are you serious? Why?"

"Because Dancho wants it of course."

"Only because Lucifer wants it?"

"Is there any other better reason?" Feitan eyed Pepeka's dubious look over his mask. "Okay, I'll give you a better reason. You saw Kito die. Do you remember?"

Pepeka's jaw clenched. "Of course. Her against the Zodiacs. Damn it." He sniffed like he was going to cry, but, much to Feitan's relief, didn't.

"Then you saw how that Pariston guy betrayed her and how they ganged up on her to kill her." Feitan smiled chillingly. "Now tell me you don't want revenge, Timbal."

Something ugly flashed in Pepeka's eyes and his face darkened. For a moment, Feitan caught a glimpse of a far more dangerous man than the inexperienced, annoyingly moralistic pushover they've become accustomed to. It hinted at the potential of this young man to grow into quite a fearsome hunter, if given the chance. "Revenge, huh?" Pepeka muttered.

"Yes. What do you say, rookie?"

"What do I say?" Pepeka looked around, scowling. "I say let's torch the fucking association to the ground."

* * *

…_80… 81… 82… 83…_

Kuroro came to a skidding halt as the last _Juwasi_ fell, tumbling to his feet in a pile of rotting flesh. Stepping carefully around the rot and decay, Kuroro looked around for Machi and caught sight of her standing over her own pile of bodies, counting off on her own clicker. "How many?" he asked.

"Seventy-four," she said, looking pleased.

"Excellent," Kuroro said happily. He had no idea what the _Juwasi_ were doing in the Fort, but he was extremely grateful for their presence. With them, there was a high enough body count to justify at least _two_ wicker men. Midoya would be pleased, he thought, if she was into things like that. He had no idea really, and would never know now, thanks to the Zodiac. Glancing at his watch, he added, "The Ryodan on the outside should be done soon. My guess is that most of the hunters are actually in the building so it shouldn't take them too long to sweep the entire mountain."

"Yeah. Unless those idiots got killed by the explosion we heard."

"Ah, you are as humourous as ever, Machi."

"Thanks. I was trying to lighten the mood."

Nodding, Kuroro moved further down the corridor to where the single corridor they have been on so far split into two opposing directions. Cautiously, he glanced first to the left then to the right. As far as he could tell, both corridors looked identical: plain, white corridors with doors here and there. He pulled out his phone and looked at the map Pepeka had sent him. The left side led to the medical facilities and the right side led deeper into the Fort where the offices were.

"Left?" Machi asked from behind him.

"Your instincts are as sharp as ever," Kuroro said. "Left it is. Once we clean out the trash in that area, we can double back and go further into the Fort."

"Sounds good."

Satisfied, Kuroro turned left and started the long walk towards the medical facilities. Along the way, he glanced into various doors curiously. Most of the rooms he checked out looked like science laboratories, with beakers bubbling on metal tables and strange animal parts in containers. It seemed that the people in the Fort were very interested in scientific research. It _would_ account for the presence of the _Juwasi_. Those creatures were so strange even Kuroro had been interested in learning more about them. Surely the Hunter Association would have taken the opportunity to learn as much about the species as they could; if only so they can better defend against it should it become a threat again in the future.

"Dancho," Machi suddenly said from behind him. "Take a look at this."

Backtracking, Kuroro looked through a door that he had skipped but Machi hadn't. When he saw what had caught her attention, his eyebrows went up and he stepped into the room.

Like the rest of the rooms, this one was a laboratory, filled with all the equipment and paraphilia of a standard one. Like the rest of the rooms, it sported glass containers holding body parts.

In this case, the body parts were human.

"Midoya mentioned once that this scientist… Quincy, was doing experiments on Nen-users," Kuroro said thoughtfully. "I did not consider the implications of that then, but I suddenly see it now."

"Human experiments?" Machi asked and, uncharacteristically, shuddered. Kuroro did not blame her. Meteor City collected all sorts of rubbish, including escaped experimental subjects. Most of them were so far gone the other residents, usually indifferent to the fates of others, actually took the trouble to actively put them down. When they had still been children, they had encountered one of those subjects. They had been friends, until the subject inexplicably started to swell up like a balloon until he exploded, splattering the children, who would later grow up to be the Ryodan, with all manners of body parts. Even after years of seeing much more brutal things, it was still a memory Kuroro did not particularly enjoy.

"Indeed," Kuroro said finally in reply to Machi's question. "Of course, not all the subjects would be willing or have the legal protection granted to most people. I wouldn't be surprised to find some Met…" What he was going to say died on his lips as he stared at the image projected onto a screen at the far end of the wall by a projector.

Midoya.

She was naked, on a metal gurney, her skin paler than usual with a greenish cast. Her eyes were half-opened but unfocused, soulless. Her lips were blue and purple, like a bruise. Her body was battered with wounds that could not bleed without a beating heart. She looked empty, hollow, a mere mockery of the Midoya Kuroro knew, the Midoya who had so much grace and poise, so much humour and wit, so much life.

That wasn't the worst of it. He had seen dead people before; he had known what to expect should he happen on her corpse. What had driven him to speechlessness was her torso, which had been opened up from collar-bone to naval, revealing the organs below. Yellow tags were placed at certain places, indicating through some code what the areas those tags marked were.

An experiment, he realised with a shock. They were now _experimenting _on her dead body.

"Damn, they really have no respect for the dead," Machi said with disgust.

"She's dead," Kuroro said calmly. "She doesn't care what's being done to her remains."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." Kuroro's eyes narrowed. "But I do." He took a deep breath and regarded the image on the screen again. "We need to find her corpse."

"Got that," Machi agreed. "It's probably in one of the rooms along this corridor. We need to search all of them."

"It is a place to start." Kuroro turned his back on the image and looked around the room again. " And Machi?"

"Yeah?"

"Remind me to set this whole place on fire before we go."

* * *

A/N: Leave a review and let me know what you think!

Trivial: Despite Nobunaga's ribbing of Shalnark's pickup techniques, the truth was, many of the members of the Ryodan were very bad at picking up 'normal' people. Once, just for the sake of it, Machi, Phinx, Shalnark and Kuroro had decided to go to a nice club in York Shin City. The plan, they had all decided, was to finally get Shalnark laid.

At the end of the half hour they were there, the police were swarming the club, many fashionably-dressed people were dead, the club-owner was in hysterics, and Machi was making out with the bartender in the bathroom of a different club while Shalnark, Nobunaga and Kuroro ran through the city trying to lose the sirens closing in on them. At least the club was still mostly intact, except for a hole in a wall, the bursting of several water pipes and the destruction of all the furniture there.

Later, during post-coital cuddling, Kuroro had told Midoya what had happened that had inspired such chaos. Midoya ended up laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. From that time on, every time Midoya saw Shalnark holding a GPS, she would break out into hysterical laughter. Kuroro told Shalnark that it was simply because Midoya was very glad to see an intelligent human being so like herself. It was, Kuroro thought, as he watched a very pleased Shalnark join Midoya in laughing, the kind thing to do.


	10. Play Time

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of , please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Play Time

Though Pariston had suspicions that the Ryodan intended to raze the entire Fort to the ground, in his opinion, the entire bunker was already on fire, what with how emotions and tensions were as high-strung as they've ever been in a while. This could not be more obvious than in the conference room where the Zodiacs now sat, fretting over the repercussions of killing Midoya. As he half-listened to the debate going on, Pariston could not help smiling a little. Had some of the Zodiacs really thought that they could kill someone as powerful as Midoya and get away with the consequences? The naivety of some of them was just so… quaint.

The rise in emotion in Cheadle's voice brought Pariston back from his daydreams.

"That's close to two hundred dead, Pariston," Cheadle was saying, her voice quiet bur urgent. "_Two hundred_ dead. And there're only six Ryodan members here. This situation is getting out of hand."

"I have no idea what you mean, Cheadle-san," Pariston replied, smiling up at her from his seat. "The two hundred dead you mentioned are made up mainly of part-time hunters and Chimera Ants. They are…"

"If you say 'dispensable', I will hit you," Kanzai growled from the other end of the table.

"Not dispensable then," Pariston conceded with a graceful nod. "My point is, the inner portions of the Fort are guarded by the true hunters. Do you think that they could not take on six members of a criminal organization?"

"That's not the point!" Cheadle snapped. "The Fort is meant to be _impenetrable_! Yet, the Genei Ryodan, with only six members, has overwhelmed all the security in the outer perimeter. We _need_ to do something now!"

"And what do you propose we do?" Pariston asked, amused despite himself. "They are here to avenge Midoya. Would you like me to bring Midoya back to life? I assure you that, as powerful as I am, I am incapable of doing that." Cheadle took a deep breath to snap at him some more, but he interrupted her by saying, "_And_ I assure you, Cheadle-san, that nothing short of that or our deaths will make these people stop. You heard the man; they are from Meteor City and they will hunt down anyone who had anything to do with Midoya's death."

The entire conference table erupted abruptly in debate and Pariston leaned back in his chair to observe them, a sardonic smile on his face. Despite being the one who had actually ended Midoya's life, he would be lying if he said he was happy with the way things had turned out. Looking at this bickering, _childish_ people, supposedly the cream of the crop in the Hunter Association, he couldn't help wishing Midoya had come up on top in this little game. He still had difficulty comprehending why she had trusted him but really… it wasn't _that_ difficult to believe. Midoya had always been, despite appearances, an oddly trusting girl. Having that much power, ironically, gave her the luxury of _trusting_ because even if her trust was misplaced, she believed in her own powers to get her out of the mess. Only, this time it had failed; he had won, and he still wasn't too sure how he felt about that. Next to Netero, she was probably the most interesting person in the Association, and Pariston had been looking forward to playing with her more.

Sensing eyes on him, Pariston looked up to meet Ging's eyes. The man was staring at him with a blank, inscrutable expression on his scruffy face. Pariston smiled back and wondered what he was thinking. Ging, as far as Pariston knew (which was not a lot given how seriously Ging took his privacy), was possibly the one person in the Zodiac other than himself who had genuinely liked Midoya. He had also been the most outspoken against plans to hunt Midoya. When Midoya had been in their power, he had also been the one who argued that they should arrest her instead of kill her. That Midoya was powerful enough and sneaky enough to run away made that impossible of course.

And even though no one else in the Zodiac knew this, Pariston was also aware that the reason Midoya's disciple was still alive and free was due to Ging. In the midst of killing Midoya, Pariston had seen Ging knock out Midoya's screaming disciple and hide him in the bushes. Ging had then done something that completely masked Timbal's presence. If Pariston hadn't seen where the young disciple had fallen with his own eyes, he would never have been able to tell where he was. All in all, Ging's actions to date told Pariston was that Ging did not approve of their actions.

All of this probably meant that Ging was highly pissed off with him at the moment.

It might make for an interesting game, trying to get Ging to fight him, Pariston supposed. He wasn't sure how well he would succeed. Ging always managed to slither out somehow when challenged by him. Well, he would have plenty of time after they dealt with the Ryodan to…

"Sir!" Beans cried, stumbling into the room suddenly and shocking the hell out of some of the Zodiacs. "Sir!"

"Yes?" Pariston asked, wondering if Beans knew how close he had come to being skewered by the shocked Zodiac.

Beans swallowed hard and raised a video tape in his hand. "Sir, you have _got_ to see this. You wouldn't believe your eyes. Oh no, you_ wouldn't_."

* * *

If Kuroro was a lesser, more ill-tempered and impulsive man, he would have kicked over the metal gurney in front of him out of pure frustration.

After searching for what seemed like hours, they had finally found the room in the images of Midoya. But, her body was not there. Instead, the brutally savaged bodies of what appeared to be scientists littered the floor. Kuroro lifted the decapitated head to see a familiar face. "That's Quincy," he told Machi, who was standing near the doorway, watching the corridor. "But where is Midoya, and what happened here?"

"Looks like someone took a chainsaw to the scientists," Machi commented.

"Someone on our side then," Kuroro muttered. "Or at least someone who did not care for what these scientists were doing any more than we did."

"Perhaps we can assume her body is safe."

"We can't assume that," Kuroro said, dropping the head in his hands so it rolled under the metal gurney. "For all we know, a rival scientist took her body for a different kind of research."

"Doesn't feel like that to me. It feels too personal," Machi said dubiously. "I think whoever did this is on Kito's side."

Kuroro opened his mouth to protest then closed it again. "Your instincts are seldom wrong," he said grudgingly. "I would simply feel better if I had possession of her body."

"On it, Dancho."

Nodding in acknowledgement of her support, Kuroro stood up and looked around the room, stepping carelessly over the dead bodies. It was possible he might find a clue as to what had happened. These scientists obviously liked recording their experiments so maybe…

"Dancho. Company," Machi warned tensely.

Kuroro's head snapped towards the doorway, and he frowned. This was inconvenient. He was looking for _clues…_

"Five _Juwasi_," Machi reported. "I can take care of them myself."

"Go ahead," Kuroro said, turning back to the room. Where should he start? Well, the table over there looked…

Out on the corridor, a _Juwasi _screamed in agony as it died. Then another – and another.

"Dancho," Machi said from inside the room, but Kuroro was already watching the doorway.

After a while, the screams stopped and nothing could be heard but the faint, almost inaudible sounds of light footsteps. Then a man stepped into the room.

He was probably a man in his late thirties or early forties, not particularly tall, but whip thin with sinewy, ropey muscles. His skin was tanned and leathery from a life spent largely outdoors. What caught Kuroro's attention though, were the fierce, feral, wild-cat eyes set in the lean and angular face. A hunter, and a powerful one at that.

"Damn, I was right. You _are_ Kito's boy toy," the man said when he saw Kuroro. "I caught sight of you when you walked past the room I was in."

"Dancho isn't a boy toy!" Machi snarled, outraged.

"No, I am not," Kuroro agreed mildly. "I am a man toy." Machi stared at him but he ignored her in favour of looking the newcomer up and down. "You did this." He gestured to the room.

"Damn right I did," the newcomer said, his lips twisting in a snarl. "Wasn't right what they did to her no matter which way I look at it." Taking a deep breath to cool an obviously rising temper, the man nodded gruffly at them. "I'm Moonshine. Don't ask."

"Kuroro, Dancho of the Genei Ryodan. And this is Machi, Ryodan member."

"Yeah, I know," the man known as Moonshine said with a nod.

"Where is Midoya's body?" Kuroro asked.

"That's the thing," Moonshine said, gesturing at them to follow him. "I would have gotten my ass out of here earlier than this if I could. The Zodiacs aren't going to be pleased that I wiped out their entire Research Unit. But damn, I couldn't travel fast enough with her in that state. She was practically falling apart in my hands. Them bastards cut her open in the most fucking inconvenient of places."

"You have Midoya's body?" Kuroro asked urgently as the man led them into another room.

"Of course I do. I wasn't going to leave here behind for other fucking scientists to poke and prod at," the man said as he closed the door behind them and switched on the lights. From the looks of the room, Kuroro guessed that they were in a morgue or something similar. With quick, urgent movements, Moonshine went over to one of the metal gurneys and pulled the white sheet off it.

Midoya's body lay on it, as pale and as broken as it had been in the image. In real life, the opening on her torso looked even more gruesome than ever, and her skin was even greener than it had been in the picture.

"Now," the man said. "Anyone of you can do anything about her wounds?"

Wounds? Kuroro gazed at Midoya's lifeless face, trying to make sense of the man's words. A flash, an odd gleam in those eyes. Kuroro froze.

Somehow, though she could barely move the muscles in her face, she still managed to convey the impression that she was smiling at him.

* * *

The video tape was part of the surveillance tape of the medical corridor. On the image projected onto the screen, a lone male was carrying Midoya's body into another room. A brief shot, barely a second long, showed Midoya's lips, ever so subtly, _moving_.

The entire conference table erupted in chaos.

Pariston smiled.

_This was more like it_.

* * *

Wordlessly, Kuroro walked up to the metal gurney and grasped the sides of her face, staring intensely into her eyes. They were bloodshot and dull, but focused on him when he looked at her. "You're alive," he said, bemused. "Why are you alive?"

"Beats me," Moonshine said from behind them. "When they brought her in, she was definitely dead. When they started cutting her up, she was definitely dead. When I was just about to toss her body into the furnace to burn it, she was definitely not dead. No idea what happened in-between." A pause. "She can't talk though. Her ribcage is still opened up and I'm betting she's in a shit load of pain. I have no idea how she is alive in that condition. Don't supposed you have a medic in your group or something like that?"

"Machi," Kuroro said without looking up from Midoya's face.

"Right," Machi said, already hovering over Midoya's torso. The quiet twang and swish of her threads was the only sound as she started to work on the grotesque wound on Midoya's body.

As she did, Kuroro took hold of Midoya's hands and felt for her pulse. It was beating slowly in a strangely mechanical way, too regular and too hard for a woman in her weakened state. Still, it was beating. She was alive. "I bought earrings for you," he said impulsively. "_Hu_ earrings. Only, it suddenly occurred to me I can't remember if you have pierced ears or not." He touched her ears. "You do," he said. "I bought you combs for your hair too. And a bra made out of seashells."

Her lips moved slightly, barely more than a tremble. _It'll chafe_.

Kuroro smiled despite himself. "I'm sure you can make it work somehow," he said.

There was a twang, slightly louder than the rest, and Kuroro knew Machi was done. He watched as Midoya started to breathe as her lungs inflated. She coughed weakly and he sat her up so she wouldn't choke if she started to throw up.

"How is she?" Moonshine asked awkwardly from behind.

Ignoring him, Kuroro gently rubbed Midoya's back as she started to draw in deeper breaths. He was ready for it when she suddenly made a gagging sound, and he held her as she started to dry heave over the side of the gurney. After a while, she leaned back onto him, gasping softly, tears running down her face.

"How do you feel?" Kuroro asked quietly, taking the paper towel Machi offered and wiping Midoya's face.

"Pins and needles," she gasped in a barely audible rasp. "Hurts."

Methodically, Kuroro rubbed her body from her feet up, trying to help her get over the sensation. "Better?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered, her voice still hoarse. "Thanks."

Kuroro nodded. "How are you still alive?" he asked. "Pepeka said he saw you die."

"I did," Midoya whispered weakly. "But, you remember when you just woke up from your fever and I told you I have a Plan A, B, C and D?"

"Yes."

"Well, I lied. I had a lot more plans than that. I am still alive because of Plan L." She moved her head experimentally and managed to tilt it enough so that he could see the back of her ear where a tiny scar was. "Nen-powered microchip. Had it installed a couple of years ago," she rasped. "In the event that my heart stops beating, this microchip will kick-start my heart twenty-four hours after I'm dead. Following that, it will sustain life, no matter how badly damaged the body, for another two hours. It only works for once and it is impossible to get a replacement now that its maker is dead. Cost me a fortune too. Glad I thought to invest in it though. It was a close call, but thanks to Machi here, I'm going to make it."

Machi blinked, surprised at being addressed "You're welcome," she said stiffly.

"Good lord almighty," Moonshine muttered from behind them. "You built a mini defibrillator into your brain."

"It's probably dissolved by now," Midoya said, sounding a lot stronger. Hesitantly, she sat up away from Kuroro and tried moving her fingers. "Goodness, it sucks to be dead. My hands… hurt like crazy. And my chest… oh lord, the scars. My breasts look hideous now. I wish I had woken up before they did a Y-incision on me. I know this is a weird thing to think about, but it's better than thinking about how many pieces my liver is in now." Slowly, she stretched, grimacing in pain as she did. "Where's Pepeka?" she asked. "Did you manage to find him? I assume you are here because you are looking for him."

"Partly," Kuroro replied. "I actually came here to make funeral arrangements for you."

"Funeral arrangements?"

"It's the practice where I come from," he explained. "When one of ours is wronged and killed, we arrange a superb funeral pyre for the body lined with the corpses of those who wronged him or her. If there are enough bodies, we have a wicker man or two too. I wanted to line your pyre with the entire Hunter Association."

Midoya blinked. "You wanted to line my pyre with the entire Hunter Association?" she repeated, her voice gaining strength as she did. "You wanted to _kill_ all the hunters in the world so you could burn their corpses together with mine in a giant bonfire?"

"Yes."

"My dear," she murmured, looking touched. "Kuroro, that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. My goodness, I would kiss you now if I had the strength to get up and if I didn't smell like a corpse."

Kuroro kissed her anyway, tasting formaldehyde and blood on her. "I suppose I own the two hundred _Juwasi_ and hunters we killed an apology though," he mused. "Since you're not dead."

"_Juwasi_? There are _Juwasi_ here? I heard rumours but I never expected it to be true. Well, don't bother apologising to the association. I have a very strong and intense hatred for them now, and even if I'm not going to burn on a funeral pyre anytime soon, they still deserve to die." Midoya shook her head and flexed her fingers. Obviously she was satisfied with what she felt because she swung her legs off the gurney and slid to the floor, leaning heavily on Kuroro for support. "Goodness, I think I just jiggled my spleen," she complained. "Still I am impressed with your skills, Machi," she added, turning to the woman in question. "I'm no expert, but I believe all my organs are back in the right place. That is some skill you have."

"Of course," Machi said, looking even more awkward with Midoya's sincere gratitude. "I _am_ in the Ryodan, you know?"

"And Uncle Moonie," Midoya said fondly. "Thank you for getting rid of those vile scientists. I am eternally grateful to you." To Kuroro she added, "That is my Uncle Moonie, not my real uncle of course, because then I would be forced to kill him. All Kitos are always trying to take my inheritance from me. He's a veteran hunter who has always taken great care of me. Netero introduced us to each other shortly after I became a hunter and Uncle Moonie has been watching over me since then."

Moonshine's eyes widened with shock and horror. "Watching over you? Kid, I've been waiting for ages to fucking kill you!" he growled.

Midoya smiled tenderly. "Isn't he just the greatest uncle anyone could ever ask for?" she said to Kuroro, still leaning against him.

"The only reason I saved you," Moonshine grounded through gritted teeth, "is so I can kill you myself."

"Don't, you'll make me cry. Coming back from the dead is making me all emotional now that I have a healthy, functional endocrine system again. Ah, screw it. I love you too, you big softie." Midoya hobbled over and gave a leathery cheek a kiss.

Moonshine started to splutter indignantly, but evidently Midoya's strength had run out because she started to teeter precariously, and he was forced to grab on to her to stop her from falling to the ground. With Kuroro's help, they managed to put her back on the gurney where she lay down with a tired sigh.

"I'm tired and cold," she whispered mournfully.

"That's because you're naked," Machi noted with characteristic bluntness.

And so she was. Kuroro shrugged out of his coat and helped her slide into it. She smiled at him wearily, her face drawn and pale. "And you, my dear Kuroro," she murmured. "Thank you for the earrings and the combs… and the bra." There was more she wanted to say, but Kuroro knew her well enough to know she wouldn't.

"You're welcome, Midoya." Kuroro eyed the way his coat looked on her. Since the coat only went down to his knees, it wasn't exactly too long for Midoya on whom it covered her ankles completely. The sleeves were definitely way too long, so he started to fold them up the best he could. "Now that you are alive and in need of medical help, this changes things somewhat."

"What's the plan?" Machi, always the one for action, asked.

"Ideally, we should get out of the Fort," Kuroro said thoughtfully. "No, more than that, we need to get off Hun. We have to assume the entire continent is compromised."

"That wouldn't be easy," Moonshine said gruffly. "The Hunter Association stopped all air, land and sea traffic leaving Hun the moment you guys attacked. Your nice big yacht got blown up too, Kito."

"I never liked it anyway."

"They killed all your tiger sharks and snakes too."

"They _killed_ my babies? Oh, I am _so_ mad now! Stupid endocrine system!"

"If it makes you happier, the snakes and sharks killed a couple of the hunters before they went down."

"Oh, they did? Goodness, I am so proud of them. But still, my poor babies…"

"Right," Kuroro said, ignoring them as he thought. "First thing's first, Machi, tell Nobunaga and the rest to meet us in this room. With Midoya incapacitated as she is, we are going to need more fighters around should the association decide to launch a proper offensive against us. Having to protect a wounded companion always halves the fighting capability of each fighter in the team. I assume, Moonshine, that you're with us for the duration of this campaign?"

Moonshine shrugged. "Why not? Not like I liked those fuckers much anyway. Besides, I'm probably on the blacklist myself now. Might as well fuck them up before they fuck me up. That's the only way life should be lived."

"I greatly admire your philosophy on life. You have much in common with many of my best friends."

"Have to find Pepeka too," Midoya insisted. "He's still in the Fort isn't he? We should go look for him. You didn't forget, did you?"

"Of course, I didn't forget about him," Kuroro lied smoothly, placing a hand on her forehead. It was cold and clammy, entirely too much like a corpse's for him to feel comfortable with. "Are you sure you're in no danger of dying suddenly?"

"Fairly certain. Machi has sewed me up quite nicely. It might possibly only take me a day or two to recover if I sleep all the time and don't move. Her technique is superb."

"Don't get too complacent. My threads get weaker the further you are from me. If you're not careful, a sneeze would undo everything and all your organs will come tumbling out again," Machi warned. Then to Kuroro, she added, "I called Phinx. They've cleaned up the trash outside and are coming in. Timbal is with them. At least I think that's what they said; reception was bad."

"Excellent," Kuroro said, pleased. "Now we wait till they find us."

Settling next to Midoya, he looked down at her as he thought about possible plans. They might be able to escape the Fort, would likely be able to escape the Fort, but to leave Hun? That was unlikely. What should they do then? Find a place to hide and wait till Midoya recovered? But even then, they would still be trapped on Hun. Even if they managed to steal transport off the continent, they wouldn't be able to escape. In a boat or plane, they would be vulnerable. A well placed missile would land them in the sea (if they survived the explosion) and they would have to return to Hun again anyway. Frowning, Kuroro bit his lip as he thought. There was, quite literally, only one thing they could do. He wasn't sure it was the best plan, but given that there were seven of them in good fighting form, eight including Moonshine… possibly…

He looked down at Midoya again and she smiled back at him, a knowing smile that told him she had already reached the same conclusion he had and had already decided it was the best course of action.

Smiling wryly, Kuroro placed a hand over her eyes, silently urging her to sleep. She would need her strength for what they were going to do. Well, even if this plan failed, the others would come, Shizuku, Franklin… those not here at the moment. They would come and there would be a wonderful funeral that would burn for weeks…

* * *

"Was that Dancho?" Nobunaga asked as Phinx hung up.

"Machi," Phinx said. "The reception was bad, but I could make out what she wanted us to do. Dancho wants us to meet him at Room 1-25 on Corridor M. From what I gathered, they found Kito and there was something about a change of plans, but I couldn't quite get what she meant." He shrugged. "We'll find out when we find them. Good thing we're not that far off, being in the Fort already. I have no bloody idea which corridor we're on though."

"Corridor F, Phinx," Shalnark replied, sticking his thumb at a signboard. "We're on corridor F."

"They found sensei's body?" Pepeka asked emotionally. "Well… that's good news, I guess… for the funeral pyre I mean." He looked down sadly.

"It'll be the biggest funeral pyre ever," Nobunaga, who had taken quite a shine to the young man, said comfortingly. "Come on. Let's go see what Dancho has to say."

"Yeah, okay," Pepeka said sadly, wiping his hands that were covered with blood and brain matter on his jeans. "You think sensei will really be proud that I crushed twenty skulls in her honour?" he asked hopefully as they started to walk towards the entrance of the Fort. "I'm not really… really familiar with how vengeance works, so I don't know. I mean, it feels damn good and everything, but I don't know if it's _right_ for sensei."

"Of course it is," Feitan, the one who had put the idea in the man's head, said confidently. "It's the only way to honour the dead. If you don't believe me, ask Shalnark."

"Many cultures do feel that the way to honour the dead is to crush a couple of skulls over their graves," Shalnark said thoughtfully. "But I guess it's mostly the thought that counts."

"No Shalnark, you can't burn a thought on a funeral pyre. It's obviously the crushed skulls that count."

"If you say so, Feitan. Hey, look! Another hunter. You want to crush his skull, Pepeka?"

"Sure," Pepeka said absently, grabbing hold of the fleeing hunter and crushing his skull. "Say, you know, I've been thinking…"

"Yeah?"

"Well," Pepeka said slowly, "I was just thinking… the number of hunters and Chimera ants we've killed so far… that's a shit lot of dead bodies. That means sensei's funeral pyre is going to be a really huge one. Like… really _huge_. And that's not taking into account the dance floor and the band and what not."

"Yeah, I guess. So?"

"So," Pepeka said reasonably, "how are we going to find a space big enough for all of that?"

There was a thoughtful silence as the group continued walking.

"Meteor City?" Phinx suggested hesitantly.

"No way," Nobunaga disagreed. "There's so much crap there it's fucking impossible to find an open space that big for a funeral pyre that size. Besides, I personally think Kito's too classy to be cremated in Meteor City. Her fucking _ashes_ would give the place an upgrade. The elders would weep if someone actually made Meteor City _classy_. You know how fucking traditional they are."

"She does have that private school accent, yeah," Phinx agreed, frowning. "I have no idea. Shalnark?"

"Symbolically speaking, York Shin City is the best place to cremate her," Shalnark pointed out. "I mean, she's lived there all her life and she operates from there."

"Also where she first met Kuroro," Pepeka said wretchedly. "Kuroro is the only boyfriend she ever had that lasted past a couple of months. She killed the rest."

"Erm… yeah. Yeah, so York Shin City really works, you know… symbolically speaking."

"I agree, Shalnark," Feitan said. "But York Shin's just as bad as Meteor City when it comes to clutter. There're so many high-rise buildings and stuff in York Shin… Unless…"

"Unless?"

"Unless we level out part of the city to make a flat open space," Feitan said thoughtfully.

Yet again, the group fell silent as they thought it out.

"I can see it happening," Phinx finally said, brightening up. "I mean, logistically, it's possible, right Shalnark?"

"Sure," Shalnark agreed, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Logistically speaking, I would say the Central District of the city works the best. Most of the buildings there are mafia owned anyway, and since Kito is practically mafia herself, it's just as well we cremate her on mafia owned property. I can't remember the exact layout of the District, but I think if we could demolish four or five buildings, including the Hunter Association York Shin HQ which should be somewhere in that area, we'll have quite a nice area big enough for the pyre, the wicker men, a stage for plays or a music band _and_ a buffet. We've got to eat after all."

"Sounds good," Nobunaga said happily. "We'll have to think about how we're going to stop the mafia from crashing the party, but I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem."

"Yeah, it shouldn't be," Shalnark agreed his eyes distant as he started planning the mission. "We can take turns doing security for the pyre. Assuming we let it burn for a fortnight, as is the custom, that must means that each of us has to keep watch for slightly over twenty-four hours. That's not too difficult. It shouldn't be too hard to bring down those buildings too. I'm just wondering how we can do it and still keep the area below quite clean. I don't want to have to spend weeks removing rubble from the area."

"Oh, so true. Even Shizuku would take ages cleaning it up. Kito's body would rot before we can get a nice fire going."

"Erm…" Pepeka mumbled in the tone of a man unsure of whether he should be saying what he was saying, "what's going to happen to the people _in_ the buildings?"

"The people in the buildings?" From the expression on their faces, Pepeka guessed they hadn't really thought about it. "Well…" Phinx said with a shrug, "they can choose to join us on the ground or they can choose to join us hanging from the wicker men. It's up to them."

"I like the idea of hanging them from the wicker men. They're mafia employees anyway. I'm sure they are guilty of _something_."

"What do you think, Timbal? Think Kito will like that?"

Pepeka looked at the four faces staring at him and, in a sudden show of good sense, cautiously said, "Yeah, I think sensei will like that. She's always liked setting things on fire. Come to think of it, sensei loves… loved fireworks. I suppose we could light the wicker men with fireworks. It'll be quite a sight."

"Sure," Nobunaga said cheerfully, giving Pepeka a friendly slap in the back. "I'm glad you're getting into the swing of things. At first, you seemed pretty darn reluctant about it."

"It is a good idea," Pepeka said forlornly. "I mean… it kind of is the kind of thing sensei would like. She does like irritating people a lot, and I'm pretty darn certain blowing up the York Shin HQ and a couple of mafia buildings will irritate a lot of people."

"As will burning corpses in a giant funeral pyre." Feitan chuckled. "Do you remember the last time we attended a funeral and these group of social worker type burst in on us, screaming at us that this is not the kind of thing _children_ should see?"

"Oh yeah, I remember," Phinx laughed. "We set them on fire and had a pretty darn good time of it too."

"Why am I not shocked by that? I think I'm beyond feeling disturbed," Pepeka sighed miserably. "I kind of miss my innocence."

"What for? Innocence is so overrated." Nobunaga's expression brightened and he added, "Timbal, my man, when we get out of here and settle Kito's funeral, I'm going to take you on a nice killing spree in York Shin city. There's always so much trash in that place. It'll do your soul some good, killing a bunch of mafia thugs. They always make the funniest sounds when you hit them _just right_."

Phinx eyed Nobunaga. "You're going to get Dancho to induct him into the Ryodan, aren't you?" he asked suspiciously.

"I didn't say anything," Nobunaga said innocently. "Besides, Timbal wouldn't mind being in the Ryodan, right?"

"Of course he would," Phinx retorted. "He's _Timbal_ for fuck's sake. Go on, Timbal, tell Nobu you don't want to be in the Ryodan."

"Uhh," Pepeka mumbled ambivalently as the pair continued to argue, having learned some time ago that his opinion didn't really matter to either party anyway. In his mind, he personally felt he was getting too used to hanging out with these criminal types. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, he mused. The Ryodan members seemed to be pretty decent people if one ignored the senseless lust for destruction and death, the indifference towards the torments and agonies of others, their regard of all material things as theirs by default, their tendency to compete over the smallest things, and their sudden inability to think for themselves once Kuroro Lucifer sets them on a trail. Pepeka had met worse before after all.

"Say guys," Shalnark, who had been walking a little ahead of the group, said suddenly. "Check this out. I think we're getting close to Dancho." He pointed down the corridor, which was lined with corpses and carcasses.

Nobunaga whistled. "That's a shit load of bodies, more than all of us combined," he said, nudging an amputated arm with his toe. "We're going to have a hell of a time picking up the bodies later."

"Damn, while we were stuck outside, Dancho and Machi were having a party inside," Phinx complained. "Can't be that many left to kill now."

"I wouldn't know," Shalnark said, sounding slightly worried. "These Chimera Ants are pretty good at breeding, remember?"

"Oh hell yeah, more to kill," Phinx exclaimed happily.

"You know Phinx, I really wish you would think…" Shalnark trailed off, suddenly looking lot more alert and dangerous, and a lot less like a young teen geek.

It actually took Pepeka another good two seconds before he realised _they weren't alone_.

Creaking, creeping sounds started to fill the air, coming from everywhere and nowhere. The _tappity-tap _of insect legs grew in intensity. Then the Chimera Ants were filling the corridor, entering from rooms, ventilation shafts and both ends of the corridor.

Pepeka took a good look around and drew his Nen around him quickly. Next to him, he felt the intense aura of powerful Nen-users vibrating through the air as the Ryodan members powered up.

"Oh good," he said faintly, his stomach doing flips as he watched the grotesque mutated creatures scuttling towards them. "More bodies for the pyre."

"That's the spirit!" Nobunaga grinned cheerfully.

And then the battle was on.

* * *

A/N: _And_ Midoya is back. I hope the microchip thing wasn't too gimmicky a story plot. Initially, I wanted it to be Pariston deliberately sparing Midoya's life so they could continue to 'play', I wanted Midoya to come across as a bit of a James Bond with her fancy gadgets. Also, I wanted her permanent death to be more convincing. Hope that worked out somehow.

Trivial: Phinx was not exaggerating when he said that the elders in Meteor City were very traditional. If anything, most people in Meteor City were very proud of their culture, and thus very traditional about the values of Meteor City. Phinx himself, for example, took great pride in the fact that residents of Meteor City believed in being the scum of the earth, and were proud to be the scum of the earth. Meteor City was shit, everything here was shit, and everyone here was shit. That was the unofficial motto of the City.

To the horror of the social workers who entered Meteor City in an attempt to build paved roads and proper sanitation systems, that motto was a bit more literal than most people would have thought.


	11. Beginning of the End

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of , please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

Beginning of the End

_It was raining outside, heavy wet raindrops splashing against the window pane. Thunder roared and lightning flashed through the night sky. Under them, the city lights of York Shin vanished in a brilliant explosion of white. Kuroro lifted his head from the warm, fluffy pillow so he could look out at the rain. Midoya stood next to the window, wrapped in her black robe, gazing out into the rain._

"_What do you see?" Kuroro asked._

_She turned to face him. Her face looked different; wrong somehow, deformed in a way that made her look like her, yet so unlike her._

"_Terror," she replied, her eyes glowing with black light in the dark. A dark shadow fell over Kuroro as he lay watching her, growing and spreading like an oil spill. "Terror and death. You should run while you can." _

Kuroro's eyes snapped open as he jolted awake from the light doze he had been in. Machi's hand on his arm, a finger against her lips stilled any response he might have given. Nodding, he straightened up, having fallen asleep standing up and looked around silently. Moonshine was already standing frozen next to the door, his expression feral and intense as he stared at the door as if he expected it to leap at him. Midoya was still out cold, her eyes moving visibly beneath her eyelids. He frowned, first at her then at Machi. He still wasn't sure what had caused his companions to react like this…

A footstep.

Now Kuroro's ears pricked up as he caught the stealthy sound of someone walking down the corridor. Closing his eyes, he focused on the sound and caught another footstep. Slow, stealthy... rubber-lined shoes. Not an ant then. It couldn't be the other Ryodan members; there was only one person in the corridor and the Ryodan never moved as individuals if they could help it. A hunter then and an experienced one too, if Kuroro was any judge.

Finally, the footsteps stopped in front of the door.

Machi glanced at Kuroro and he nodded at her to ready herself for a fight. Moonshine hadn't thought to look to Kuroro for instructions, but the man was already poised for battle, lips drawn back in a snarl. Carefully, Kuroro drew the Benz knife from its sheath, waiting for the person on the other side to make the first move.

Three polite knocks.

Kuroro blinked. Machi looked at him again, eyebrows raised. Moonshine straightened slightly, a confused look on his face, like a dog which had challenged another dog and had been greeted with friendly tail wags instead.

"Come in," Kuroro said quietly. Behind him, he felt rather than heard Midoya stir and start to awaken.

The door slid open slowly and a middle-aged man dressed entirely in white with a turban on his head slipped into the room, his hands raised above his head. His posture suggested that keeping his hands in plain sight would not deter him if he decided to attack them. "Truce for an hour plus some?" the man asked, scruffy face calm and unreadable.

Kuroro thought about it for a second. "Truce," he finally agreed. Before the man could say anything else, Kuroro added, "You are one of the Zodiacs, aren't you?"

"Yes, and you are the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan," the man said, lowering his hands but keeping them in plain sight by his side. "I'm Ging."

"The Pig," Midoya said from behind him. "Suits you, Ging." Kuroro heard her make a pained sound as she tried to sit up. Still keeping his eyes on the newcomer, he backed up and sat her up so she could lean against him.

The blank look on the man's face dissolved into one of guilt and he slipped a finger under the turban to scratch nervously at his hair. "Erm… yo," the man named Ging said awkwardly. "Nice to see you're doing well, Midoya."

"Oh go to hell, Ging," Midoya said with a somewhat surprising show of anger. "I thought we were friends, you traitorous nincompoop."

"Whoa kid, hold it right there! I tried to stop them, okay?" Ging said defensively. "I swear on my son's life, I did everything I could to call off the hunt."

Midoya shot him a venomous look. "Ging, everyone knows you don't give a snap about your son."

"What? Oh come on, be fair, Midoya. You know I _do_ care about my son. I left him with my family instead of dumping him in a ditch after all." Ging rubbed his face. "Look, Midoya…"

"If you're going to apologize, forget about it. I'm not forgiving you." Midoya, weak and pale as she was, somehow managed to look down her nose at him. "I can't believe I slept with you once."

"That has nothing to do with this! Damn it woman, you promised you wouldn't tell anybody! I meant, I was drunk and you were drunk and… Anyway, I can't believe you slept with Pariston while _sober_, even if he didn't know it was you in that dominatrix outfit."

"His dick is bigger than yours and he isn't twice my age," Midoya huffed.

"Now that's a _really_ low blow, and I am not twice your age, damn it." Ging glanced guiltily at Kuroro's raised eyebrow. "All before your time," he added quickly, a flush spreading across his face. "My wife just died and I was _really _depressed and…"

"I'm less concerned with Midoya's sexual history and more concerned with what you're doing here," Kuroro said wryly. "I presume from your presence that the Zodiacs know Midoya is alive."

"Yeah. We caught her and Moonshine here on a surveillance camera. Hey Moonshine."

"Hi Ging, I'm revaluating my once high opinion of you given how you actually slept with fucking _Kito_ of all people. There are some places your dick should never go if you want to remain respectable, and Kito is one of them."

"Aww, Uncle Moonie _you_."

"That was _not_ a compliment, woman!"

"You're too sweet sometimes."

Ging sighed deeply. "This is not going the way I intended it to go." His expression grew more solemn. "Okay Midoya, if you don't want to forgive me then so be it. I didn't come here to beg for your forgiveness anyway."

"I figured. You've never apologised to anyone for anything you have ever done in your life. So why are you here, Ging?"

"Just to ask you a question." Ging's eyes narrowed slightly as he studied Midoya. "Tell me Midoya, why did Netero order the Zodiacs, in his will, to execute you upon his death?"

Moonshine gave a startled hiss, like a cat that had been pounced on suddenly. Kuroro blinked in surprise and looked at Midoya. To his surprise, her expression was grim but calm. "You knew?" he asked quietly. "You knew that Netero was the one behind this?"

"The moment I found out all twelve Zodiacs were in on this, yes," Midoya admitted. "The Zodiacs are, if anything, the most arbitrarily contrary bunch ever. If one member moves to do something, someone else will definitely try to counter that person just for the sake of countering that person. Usually, it ends in a stalemate or Pariston sticking someone in the back. There's only one person who can bring the Zodiacs together like this and that's Netero."

"Yes," Ging said quietly, all seriousness now. "But why, Midoya? At least give me a reason so if I have to kill you, my conscience wouldn't haunt me for the rest of my life."

Midoya gave a weak laugh that ended in her gasping for breath. "I can't tell you, Ging," she said, already breathless from her short bout of humour, "because off the top of my head, I can think of twenty things I've done in the past year or so that dear Netero would never have approved of." Ging's jaw dropped as she continued, "I murdered the queen of Gye in her sleep. I stole the crown jewels of Dwerd. I accidentally caused the extinction of the _Ichtyes_ shark. And there's that thing with the President of BNE. If I actually think back over all the things I've done in my life time that Netero knows of, I could come up with hundreds of reasons why Netero might have wanted me dead."

"I'm sure burying one of your ex-boyfriends alive didn't help matters," Machi commented dryly.

"Oh, no, that's not one of them. Netero actually helped me bury him. Turns out my dear sensei didn't approve of my choice in lovers and was only too happy to help me get rid of him."

"I'm somewhat glad that you never introduced me to him," Kuroro said fervently.

"Oh, actually, I think he might have liked you." Midoya glanced at Ging and added, "So that's it; I have no idea."

"No," Ging said, shaking his head. "It doesn't make sense to me. Assassinating politicians, stealing stuff… you've done all these things countless of times in your life. It's nothing new, nothing that would make Netero arrange for your death _now_. If he really did not approve of all the things you do, he would have had you killed much earlier before you became too powerful to contain. Damn girl, even death couldn't keep you down. How the hell did you do that? I'm pretty certain you died; I checked your pulse personally."

Midoya shrugged casually, a motion that must have caused her pain, though it did not show on her face. "A girl must have a secrets. Either way, I have no idea why Netero wants me dead," she said. "But honestly, Ging, the Zodiacs were waiting for this to happen. They could have chosen to ignore Netero's will, could have chosen not to hunt me. That they did tells me that at least some of them have been dying to get rid of me for a while. By hunting me, the Zodiacs have made themselves my enemies, and you know what I do to my enemies."

"But you have a choice," Kuroro interrupted as politely as he could. When Ging looked at him, he continued, "You obviously do not feel animosity towards Midoya yourself. You can choose to help her instead."

Too intelligent eyes regarded Kuroro thoughtfully. "What do you have planned?" he asked.

"With Midoya in the shape that she's in, we, that is, my comrades and I are at a severe disadvantage," Kuroro told him. "The best course of action, really, is to get Midoya off the continent of Hun and bring her somewhere safe where she can recuperate. However, given that the Association has shut down all travel out of Hun, this has become impossible for us. Even if we could steal a plane or a boat, a lone vehicle leaving the continent is too obvious. We will not get far."

"That is true," Ging admitted. "I can't lift the travel ban if that's what you're asking. All the Zodiacs were in favour of it and there's no way I can overturn a decision by myself."

"I guessed as much," Kuroro said, smiling faintly. "No, that's not what I have in mind. It's only a pointless deferral anyway. Fleeing from Hun will not stop the Hunters from coming after Midoya. No, there is only one way to end this." His smile widened. "We are going to have to kill the Zodiacs. And either you are with us or you will die as well."

Ging blinked. Machi blinked. Even Moonshine blinked. Only Midoya, still half a corpse, looked as cool as a cucumber with his declaration.

"Wow," Ging said finally. "Hard core. I see why you like this man, Midoya."

"Indeed, it is tough to find a man more brutal and colder than my Kuroro. Just so you know, _I_ have reached the same conclusion as Kuroro," Midoya said wryly. "If possible, it would have been nice to attempt to negotiate with the Zodiacs, but we are past that now. There is nothing I can possibly offer that the Zodiacs will want. In return, there is nothing the Zodiacs can offer me now that will buy my trust ever again."

"It was mostly Pariston you know," Ging grumbled. "You guys really see this as the only way out, huh?" At the expression on their faces, he shook his head and sighed. "I can't help you with killing the Zodiacs," he said. "I'm sorry Midoya, I just can't. Without them, the Hunter Association will collapse, and all that Netero had ever worked for will be gone. I can't let you do that."

"I knew you would say that," Midoya said coolly. "Our truce holds for another hour. Get out of here."

Nodding, Ging straightened up and turned to leave. At the doorway, he paused and said, "I really am sorry." Hesitation flickered over his face and he added, "Goodbye."

The door closed quietly behind him and the tension in the room slowly dissipated. Midoya sagged against Kuroro and he gently lowered her into the gurney again. He studied the expression of quiet sadness on her face and asked, "Lover?"

Midoya gave him a surprised look. "Friend," she corrected. "Drunken one-night stand on my twenty-first birthday too, but mostly a good friend, a trusted friend. I don't have many of those so it's always sad to lose one."

Kuroro nodded in understanding. "They're hard to come by for people like us."

"You would know, my dear. He's mine to kill when the time comes, Kuroro."

"Even in the state you are in now?"

"But of course." Midoya smiled. "I have hidden depths and plans that cover the range of the alphabet. Underestimate me at your own risk."

"I've already learned that lesson a long time ago." Kuroro looked at Machi and Moonshine. "If Ging knows we are here then chances are the rest of the Zodiacs do too. We move out now. I'll carry Midoya since I am capable of defending myself with only one hand. Machi, watch the back. Moonshine, since you are more familiar with this building than the rest of us, will you be so kind as to take the lead?"

"Since you asked politely," Moonshine replied reluctantly with his usual scowl. "Where are we going?"

"An excellent question." Carefully, Kuroro bundled Midoya into his arms, doing his best not to move her too much in the fear of reopening her wounds. "Now then, we have to presume our actions will be monitored by the Zodiacs. An attack could come at any moment, so our best bet is meeting up with the rest with as much expediency as possible." He nodded at Machi. "You said they were near Corridor F"

"Yeah."

"Then they are taking the same route we did to reach this corridor. We are going to head out now and meet them there."

"You think it's safer to be on the move than staying in here?" Moonshine interrupted.

"A moving target is always harder to hit." Ignoring the doubtful look Moonshine gave him, Kuroro looked down at the woman in his arms. "Will this be okay with you, Midoya? You will be in slightly more danger now."

She looked back at him, her expression as calm and as confident as if she were sitting safely in her (mostly) well-protected penthouse. "Of course, Kuroro. I'm not entirely defenceless." To his amazement, she produced a slender, paper-thin blade obviously designed for throwing out of nowhere, before making it disappear.

"How on earth do you still have that with you when you were dragged naked from an autopsy table?" Kuroro asked, puzzled.

"Ah, but if I told you that, I'll also have to tell you exactly where I hide all my weapons, and I doubt you will like that." At Kuroro's expression, she winked cheekily. "A girl must have her secrets."

"Or risk scarring her friends for life," Kuroro agreed. "But come, enough talk. Lead the way, Moonshine, and if you see anything that looks wrong at us in anyway whatsoever…"

"I'll twist off its fucking head and make it blow me."

"Only if that is what you like, my good man, only if that's what you like."

* * *

The entire corridor leading to the meeting room where the Zodiacs were was a frenzy of activity. Hunters, hard-faced, dangerous-looking people ran about, dragging furniture and other heavy objects to the form a barricade that spanned the entire corridor. Other Hunters stood by the barricade, infusing each object that went into it with Nen to make them more durable. Even more Hunters further down the corridor lay a varied assortment of traps, both physical and Nen-based, that would do a great deal of damage to anyone who set them off. Deep within the conference room, the Zodiacs themselves bustled about, giving orders here and there, pouring over maps and other documents, and generally preparing as well as they could for the incoming assault.

"It's not going to be enough," Pariston said cheerfully, loud enough that the whole room could hear him. Cheadle glared at him sharply but didn't say a word. "Even if Midoya is incapacitated, I have no doubt each and every one of the Nen-users coming will at least be as powerful as her." He smiled widely, obviously enjoying himself. "We're about to be attacked by at least eight Midoyas. I doubt that pile of dead wood is going to give them much pause at all."

"Stop yapping and do something useful," Kanzai snapped, a growl in his voice. "Ging warned us so we could take precautions, damn it! We would be stupid not to use this time!"

"Erm…" Ging mumbled from the corner he had been brooding in. "Actually I warned you just so you know. Didn't really think we could do anything to stop the Ryodan now that they're on their way."

"The Ryodan _and_ Midoya," Pariston added almost gleefully. "As wounded as she is, I doubt she is any less dangerous than she usually is. If anything, my bets are that she is _more_ dangerous than usual. Imagine cornering a wounded lion in a cave. Imagine its desperation. Imagine the kind of power that can create."

"Will you stop that?" Cheadle finally demanded, her voice quiet enough though anger simmered beneath it. "You are not helping morale by suggesting we simply sit back and wait to die."

"Oh, not at all, Cheadle-san. You mistake my intentions. I do not intend to die at all. I fully intend to battle with Midoya and her companions, and destroy them." Pariston smiled widely. "That's what Chairman Netero ordered after all, isn't it?"

"I still wonder why," Ging muttered but didn't continue when Pariston looked his way.

Yes, Pariston had wondered the same many times. In truth, though many of the Zodiacs were of the opinion that it wasn't that much of a surprise given how untameable Midoya was, Pariston personally always thought that Netero had a very high regard for the last of his disciples. Certainly, there was some disapproval, yes, but the same could be said for all the other disciples Netero had ever had. If anything, Pariston personally suspected that Netero would have disapproved more of a disciple who only did what he said than a disciple who ran wild doing other things. Of course, Midoya pushed the boundaries a lot more than Netero's other disciples had. If it wasn't enough that she was only a very reluctant participant in Association activities, she had enough personal wealth and power to cause a lot of trouble if she so wished (and she had of course, countless times). So perhaps it really wasn't that surprising that Netero wanted her gone. Perhaps Netero felt the Zodiacs would have trouble containing her. Well, if he did, he was certainly right. The Zodiacs had failed to put down Midoya, even after she had fallen so neatly into his trap, and now they were trapped within their own secret bunker awaiting death.

"If we manage to hold them off for three days, reinforcements can be sent in from the neighbouring continents," Cheadle was saying. "We can then launch a pincer attack on them. We can do it."

"Yeah, of course," Ging said doubtfully.

"If we can hold them off for three days at all," Pariston murmured, smiling.

Sure death was on its way here; sure death in the form of a half-dead woman and her small army of cold-blooded murderers. And they, the poor prey were stuck in a death trap.

Pariston's smile widened into a grin. He hadn't had this much fun in ages.

* * *

The ant flew in a beautiful arc through the air, smashing bloodily against the ceiling before crumbling to the floor in a heap of innards. Moonshine barely glanced at the mess as he continued to pummel through the ants filling the corridor, a thick layer of powerful Nen humming around his body as he did. Behind them, Machi's threads whipped through the air, invisible and deadly in the chaos, seeking out the weaknesses in the ants' armours and ripping them apart in a cascade of blood and guts. Hardly any of the enemies managed to make it past this powerful barrage of attacks, but those that did found themselves screaming as Kuroro, book in hand, calmly blew out their eyes with _Sightless Hell_, leaving them blind and vulnerable for either Machi or Moonshine to pick off.

Arms around his neck, head buried against his neck, Midoya happily hummed off-tune a few bars from the _Ride of the Valkyries_. It made his ears hurt to hear it, but he tried not to complain. At least she wasn't squirming around as she had been earlier when she had tried to watch Machi fighting behind them. Midoya was a not exactly a petite woman, and carrying her for so long was turning out to be more tiring than he had anticipated.

Shifting her slightly so he could carry her with both arms and still be able to use his book, Kuroro adjusted his grip under her knees before causing another ant's eyes to explode in twin streams of viscous fluids. "How close are we to Corridor F?" he asked.

In his arms, Midoya glanced at the map on his phone. "Not too far," she said. "A right turn ahead then a left turn and we're there. I presume your Ryodan and Pepeka would have been advancing towards us, so it is possible we might meet them on Corridor G instead. A ten to fifteen minute walk then."

"Machi. Moonshine. Fifteen minutes."

"Might be enough to warm me up before we meet the Zodiacs, though I very much doubt it," Machi drawled, deliberately yawning just to make her point. "How about you, old man?"

"I've been fighting magical beasts way before you were even out of diapers, kid," Moonshine growled. "Fifteen minutes are just a blink of the eye for me."

"How nice to know," Kuroro replied, stepping over the carcasses on the ground. "I honestly did not expect to encounter so many ants," he murmured, so only Midoya could hear him. "It makes me wonder if we should have stayed in the room instead."

"Of course not," Midoya replied confidently. "Better to fight them in the relative openness of the corridors than the enclosed space of the morgue." She looked around a bit more then added, "Interesting that we haven't seen any hunters though. I think the hunters have barricaded themselves somewhere and then simply let all the ants free in the hopes that the ants will kill us or at least slow us down enough that we can be killed more easily later." She frowned. "That would mean they must have sealed off all exists in the Fort. There's no way the association will risk another ant infestation. The last one cost them the life of Chairman Netero and countless other hunters. I heard Ging's son was involved too and is now lying on his deathbed."

"These ants aren't trained to attack us then," Kuroro concluded. "I had wondered if the hunters had successfully bred ants that could be trained. It seems they are instinctively attacking us. That might be something we can use."

"A few ideas do come to mind." Midoya smiled. "Are you planning what I think you are planning? If you are, you are more devious a bastard than I ever gave you credit for."

"I've been known to plan a thing or two of a devious nature, yes." Kuroro cocked his head, listening intently. "And I believe we've found our companions much earlier than anticipated."

The thick wall of ants in front of them suddenly exploded in a shower of blood and guts, and Phinx, Nobunaga and Feitan came tunnelling through, limbs moving faster than the naked eye could see. Moonshine, who was right in front of them, made a startled noise and leapt back nimbly, just in time to avoid getting gutted himself.

Sliding on the bloodied floor, the three of them skidded to a stop in front of Kuroro.

"Thirty-four."

"Thirty-six."

"Forty."

Both Phinx and Nobunaga made disappointed noises as Feitan smirked. "Pay up," he demanded. "And hi Dancho." The other two echoed the greeting as they grudgingly passed bills over to Feitan.

"Hello," Kuroro replied, smiling despite himself then added to Shalnark, who had walked up, "That man there is a friend of ours. Please do not kill him."

"I wasn't going to kill him," Shalnark said shiftily, stealthily slipping the antenna in his hand back into his pocket. "Hi Dancho." He paused and stared at the bundle of black and fur in Kuroro's arms. "Erm… is that Kito's body?"

"Yes it is, though I believe it is not polite to refer to me as a mere hunk of flesh," Midoya said warmly, pulling the fur collar down so she could see them. "Hello dear."

That got the Ryodan members and they turned as one to stare at her. "Aren't you supposed to be dead? Why aren't you dead?" Nobunaga demanded. "Huh. Damn, this is some fucking déjà vu. Why are you always not dead every time we think you're dead?"

"For that matter," Feitan added, one eyebrow raised, "why are you always half naked every time we think you are dead?"

"It's a personality quirk of mine," Midoya quipped. "Underwear, death and I do not get along."

"At least you are wearing more clothes now than the last time we saw you."

"Hey, that means no funeral pyre and wicker man," Phinx complained. "And we had the logistics planned out perfectly too."

"Oh yes," Shalnark exclaimed disappointedly. "I've even gotten Franklin and Shizuku to start stockpiling explosives so we could blow up the mafia buildings! Now it's all going to go to waste!"

"I'm sure we can use those for something else," Kuroro replied, having absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

A large boulder of a man shoved through the Ryodan suddenly, eliciting loud noises of protests, and grounded to a halt in front of Kuroro. "Sensei," Pepeka Timbal choked disbelievingly. His mouth opened to say more but words failed him. Abruptly, he dropped to his knees in front of them and pressed his forehead against the back of Midoya's hand.

Midoya made a pained sound and Kuroro warned, "Be careful. She's wounded."

Pepeka let go immediately, towering over Kuroro as he stared anxiously at the both of them. "What? What was that?" he asked, panicked. "Wounds?"

"Her wounds. She had a Y-incision performed on her," Kuroro explained. "Machi sewed it up but if we're not careful, we'll reopen her wounds."

"Fuck," Pepeka muttered, lifting his large, clumsy hands off her immediately. "Are you okay, sensei? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to grab you like that. Good lord, they did a _Y -incision_ on you? They were doing an _autopsy_ on you? My god, are you sure you are okay? Are you missing any organs?" He stopped and stared. "Holy shit, you are _alive_! Are you… are you a zombie or something?"

Midoya laughed breathlessly. "Fear nor, dear Pepeka, I am alive, not undead, and perfectly fine," she said, smiling warmly despite the pain Kuroro knew she was feeling. "Did I scare you? I am dreadfully sorry." She held out a surprisingly firm hand which Pepeka took reverently with trembling care. "Be assured of my health. We should continue on our little mission before the ants or hunters find a way to trap us here."

"What mission is this?" Shalnark asked from behind Pepeka. "Machi said there's a change in plans."

"Yes," Kuroro agreed. "Though now that I think about it, it's still pretty much more of the same. We're going to kill the Zodiacs, but I'm happy to stop at there. We have reached the conclusion that there is little hope of us actually escaping the grasp of the association, so the only thing we can do is destroy the people giving the orders. That should end the hunt on Midoya and give us the opportunity to escape."

"Sounds like a good idea," Pepeka said darkly. "Those bastards deserve to be killed in the most brutal manner I can think of. Fingernails, anyone? I found a pair of pliers in one of the janitor closets."

Midoya blinked in surprise and stared at Pepeka. "I thought you would have protested, not agree to it and then propose even more violence than we have planned," she said, bemused. "What on earth happened…" Her eyes hardened and she turned a sharp glare on the male Ryodan members. "Okay, who's been corrupting my disciple?" she demanded.

"Nobu," Phinx said immediately and Nobunaga somehow glared furiously at him while wilting under Midoya's intense, accusing look.

"I didn't do nothing," Nobunaga shot back. "He's just growing up, okay? All little boys need to grow up and see things differently."

"I _am_ seeing things in a different light," Pepeka said thoughtfully. "It's… it's not that bad a thing, is it, sensei?"

Midoya blinked again then hesitantly settled back into Kuroro's arms. "Well, it's not a bad thing I suppose," she said slowly. "I do kind of miss my innocent little Pepeka though."

"Me too," Pepeka said mournfully.

"Pepeka's innocence or not aside," Shalnark interrupted, "Dancho, do you have any plans regarding _how_ we are going to kill the Zodiacs?"

"Ah yes, regarding that." A faint smile ghosted over Kuroro's lips. "Tell me, Shalnark, how do you feel about cooking?"

* * *

Truth be told, Shalnark felt about cooking pretty much the same way he felt about shaving, bathing and brushing his teeth – it was a necessary chore that should be accomplished with the least amount of effort required to do an acceptable job of it. While Dancho was to cooking what Wordsworth was to poetry, Shalnark personally believed that as long as it wouldn't make him sick and that it provided him with the number of calories a man of his age, size and occupation required then that was sufficient. All in all, that made Shalnark a terrible cook.

At least that's what he thought until he saw Kito's idea of cooking.

"Hey look, brains!" Kito remarked cheerfully from the corner where she was sitting, enthusiastically scooping brains out of a cracked skull with a spatula Timbal had liberated from one of the labs. "I feel like a zombie doing this."

"You are practically half-one anyway," Shalnark commented neutrally.

It wasn't that she was necessarily a bad cook; it was just the way she liked to play with the ingredients that put Shalnark's stomach on the edge. He was just grateful that what they were cooking wasn't meant for their consumption.

"I can make the eyes jiggle in the skull! Look Shalnark, the decapitated head is making eyes at you!"

"You make very bad puns," Shalnark observed and returned to the large pot boiling in front of him.

"That wasn't a pun, dear, it was just a very bad joke."

"Sorry, literary terms aren't my forte." Given a choice, Shalnark would not have wanted to be stuck with Kito. It wasn't that she was an unpleasant woman or anything like that. If anything, she was friendly and polite and everything Shalnark generally liked in a person. However, there was just something incredibly disturbing about her that made Shalnark wary of her presence despite her obvious good-nature. The fact that she was wearing Dancho's coat and nothing else didn't help much either. With her pale skin and dark hair, it made her look like a shorter, fatter, uglier female version of Dancho which was wrong in so many ways. Still, there wasn't much of a choice, he supposed. The roles the rest of Ryodan and Kito's friends were playing in this mission required a lot more movement than Kito was capable of at the moment. Hence, Dancho had given her the job of helping Shalnark whip up a nice big pot of – Shalnark dropped an amputated leg into the pot – corpses and carcasses.

"It smells good," Kito commented from her corner, where she was helping Shalnark slice the corpses into smaller pieces with a dagger she had produced out of nowhere. She was really good at it. If Shalnark hadn't been from the Ryodan, he would have been disturbed. "It's missing something though."

"Uh huh," Shalnark commented ambivalently, staring as the amputated leg floated to the top of the broth, pushed up by the bubbling mess of blood and body parts.

"I think it needs some salt. Maybe a dash of thyme. What do you think?"

Since he had no idea what 'thyme' was, Shalnark just said, "Salt is good, I guess. I've used salt in chum before though."

"Come to think of it, I am rather hungry. I can't remember the last time I ate anything. I think it was at least two days ago," Kito continued on. "Pepeka and I ate at the port before we came over. It was a nice big bowl of soup. There was fish in it and squid and some potatoes… It tasted awful, to tell you the truth, but what wouldn't I give to have a bowl of that now." She paused and added, "You might want to give the pot a stir or the meat at the bottom will burn. I'm not sure how ants feel about burnt meat, but we should be careful."

"Uh, yeah." Shalnark grabbed a stick that had once been part of a broom and gave the bubbling concoction a good stir.

"Wait, if my memory serves me well, Kuroro always keeps some food in his coat… ah! Raspberry biscuits!" Unwrapping the morsel of food quickly, Kito groaned as she bit into a biscuit. "Oh, food. I love food," she mumbled with her mouth full. "You want some?"

Shalnark looked at the biscuit offered to him, two biscuits with something red and wet and viscous in between them, looking somewhat like the contents of the port. But it wasn't of course. It was silly to think that the contents of the pot were _raspberry._ He took a biscuit and took a bite out of it. "It's a little dry," he finally said. "It could use more raspberry puree."

"It is," she agreed, chewing contentedly. "Still, food is food, I suppose, and I am not inclined to be a picky eater at the moment."

"Uh huh," Shalnark commented. Another thought occurred to him and he added, "I hope your digestive system was put back properly though, if not you'll have a problem on your hands, Kito."

Kito laughed pleasantly. "You are cute," she said, sounding pleased. "Kuroro's description of the Ryodan gave me the impression that most of you are somewhere on the evolutionary line between gorillas and Big Foot. I'm glad to see there are exceptions to the rule. "

"Dancho said that?" Shalnark asked, surprised. It wasn't like Dancho, or any of the Ryodan members really, to talk about the Ryodan, even in the vaguest and most unspecific of terms. If there was one rule in the Ryodan, it was that you don't speak about the Ryodan. Well, given that Dancho was the one who came up with that rule, he had all the right in the world to break it, Shalnark supposed. Still…"What else did he say?"

"That you're all powerful, amoral, materialistic, stubborn little bastards who follow no rules but his," Kito said cheerfully. "He also mentioned that most of you are from Meteor City which, from his description, sounds like the ugly brother of the biggest cesspool in the world. All general knowledge that can be found on the web really, so there's no need to look so alarmed, dear. I can assure you your Dancho did not tell me any of the Ryodan's secrets."

"Yes," Shalnark agreed, though it was still weird Dancho actually _talked_ about the Ryodan. Suddenly, all the questions the rest of the Ryodan had been raising about Dancho's relationship with Kito seemed much more important than Shalnark had previously thought. "So erm… you know, we've been wondering actually… about you and Dancho…" He stopped when he realised she was no longer looking at him but down the corridor _behind _him.

She met his eyes and smiled. "I'll be a good girl and sit here," she said with entirely too jovial a wink.

With a sigh, Shalnark turned around, antenna already in one hand. Three Chimera ants stared back at him, slobbering madly onto the floor. Each of them was tiny, no more than four feet tall and a foot wide, looking for all the world like miniature wolves with a severe case of sunburn. Unfortunately, their limbs were lined with wicked looking claws and they looked _fast_. Well, the odds were definitely not in his favour. Of course, with his powers, he was capable of evening the odds a little.

Carefully, Shalnark slid into a combat position, already mapping out the fight in his head. He would go for the one slightly behind the other two. Once the antenna was stuck in, he and his new puppet will launch a pincer attack against the two remaining ants.

Without warning, the trio surged forward as one, howling for blood. Reacting almost immediately, Shalnark instinctively leapt up and over their charge, flicking his antenna towards his selected prey as planned. It went straight in smoothly and the ant's trajectory changed as Shalnark directed it towards one of the remaining ants. Still directing his puppet with his right hand, Shalnark bounced down and leapt for the last ant – but it was too fast. Shalnark's stomach dropped as he realised that the last ant had gotten nearer to Kito than he had planned to allow it to.

"Watch out!" he shouted uselessly as the ant leapt upon Kito with a snarl.

He saw her swing the dagger at it with her right arm, but the ant was too fast. It leapt _over_ her swing and came down on her hard, jaws clamping around her wrist. Kito cried out in pain and yanked the ant sharply to her right.

That was why the ant didn't see when she lifted the Nen-reinforced wrapper of the biscuit she had just eaten with her left hand and swung it down in a sharp arc that sliced through the bamboo-thin neck and took off the ant's head. Severed from the body, the jaws relaxed and the head dropped onto Kito's lap.

Shalnark tried not to look too impressed and failed.

"Oh look, more ingredients for the soup," Kito said as if she were simply walking down the aisle of a shopping mall instead of holding the head of a mutated man-eating ant in her lap.

"Are you hurt?" Shalnark asked anxiously. He really didn't want to be scolded by Dancho if Kito got hurt. It would only be marginally less painful than getting scolded by Dancho if Kito got killed.

"Oh, it's fine," Kito replied, examining her wrist. "It barely got me. Good thing I used _Kou_ when I did. Oh goodness, Kuroro's coat is drenched in blood. I hope he wouldn't get mad with me. Well, I have seen it survive worse. Do you know it survived being wrapped in _Juwasi_ mucous once? How remarkable is that. I believe his coat is quiet indestructible, so I guess that's fine." She beamed happily at him.

"Uh huh." Shalnark bent over and picked up the wrapper she had used to kill the ant. In his hands, it had now turned into a crinkly, harmless piece of plastic that was only dangerous if you were dumb enough to swallow it.

"So," Kito said conversationally. "What were you asking before we were so rudely interrupted?"

Shalnark looked up from the wrapper and stared at her friendly, smiling face. "Nothing," he replied. "Nothing at all."

* * *

A/N: As usual, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.

Trivial: When Moonshine pulled Midoya off the autopsy table, she had a grand total of seventeen weapons on her naked corpse. Don't ask.


	12. The End

A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of , please contact the author for permission first.

* * *

The End 

When Kuroro returned to where he had left Shalnark and Midoya, he found himself returning to an entirely too apprehensive Shalnark and an entirely too gleeful Midoya. Giving them an inquisitive look, he sank to the floor next to Midoya before noticing the regrettable ruin that was his coat. "What happened?" he asked, wondering if it was possible to get that much gore out of his coat, and whether it was possible to continue wearing that coat with red fur.

"Ants," Midoya said with a shrug. "You know how they are about their body fluids."

"I do," Kuroro agreed, dismissing his coat as something fixable in the future. "How goes the cooking?"

"Not too bad. It looks quite ready."

"Good. It smells delicious."

"It does. It made me so hungry I ate the biscuits in your coat. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, Midoya." Realising Shalnark was watching them, Kuroro met the young man's gaze and raised his eyebrow questioningly. Shalnark gave him a look that told Kuroro he was in great pain and was desperate for Dancho to do something about it though Kuroro had no idea what exactly was wrong with him. Since Shalnark didn't seem inclined to speak, he decided to ignore his discomfort as something that Shalnark could deal with on his own time (he was a big boy after all). Instead, he turned his attention to the two people coming up the corridor instead. "Phinx, Feitan."

"Dancho," Feitan said, looking pleased behind his mask. "We found the hunters pretty close to where Kito guessed they would be."

Kuroro nodded. "Report."

"They're holed up in the top floor," Phinx replied, leaning against a wall. "They built a barricade along Corridor Z, the only corridor leading to the Zodiac's meeting room. We couldn't really tell how many hunters are up there. But, we noticed that the corridor in front of the barricade is lined completely with booby traps."

"Excellent," Kuroro murmured, his eyes losing focus as he started to think. "They've trapped themselves in a dead end. Not a very smart move."

"They probably think they can hold us off until the ants finish us," Feitan said coolly, obviously insulted. "I'll see them choke on their own body fluids."

"Hard core," Midoya noted. "Speaking of fluids, I am kind of thirsty. I don't suppose anyone has any water?"

Kuroro caught Shalnark making a face as Midoya said that. Before he could ask, Pepeka and Moonshine stomped up the corridor, both perspiring and breathing deeply.

"Man, that was fun," Pepeka said brightly, looking a lot more cheerful now that he knew Midoya was alive. "It was quite a good workout too."

"A good workout? Kid, you ain't seen a fucking good workout till you go boar hunting in the Mounts. What we just did was a walk in the park."

"If you say so, Mister," Pepeka replied with a shrug, looking unconcerned with Moonshine's blatant dismissal of him. "How are you feeling sensei?"

"Fantastic," Midoya beamed, sipping water from the bottle Phinx had offered her. "I assume your chase went well."

"Yeah, great," Pepeka said happily. "We herded the ants into the biggest room we could find on Corridor Y. We even got most of them. Moonshine went into the ventilation shafts hunting them. You wouldn't believe how many ants there were up there. The system here is not that complex given how there isn't much space to work with, so we're fairly certain we got all of them out of their hidey holes."

"Wonderful, Pepeka, Uncle Moonie. This plan is going along perfectly," Midoya said fondly.

"Perfectly," Kuroro echoed in agreement, getting to his feet before picking her up. "Now then," he said to the rest, "we have some hunters to kill." He smiled faintly. "Let's go."

* * *

Despite the air conditioning, Corridor Z was warm with the heat of multiple bodies pressed together in a relatively small space. The barricade, a thick opaque wall of good quality furnishing was, unfortunately, blocking the ventilation shafts as well, resulting in the overheating of the space below.

Hunter Klep wiped sweat from his brow as he adjusted the rifle in his arms. "Damn," he complained, "do you really think the Genei Ryodan is going to launch an attack on us? Because if they are, they're sure taking their own sweet time about it."

"Stop whining," Hunter Qynn replied curtly. "We are lucky that they are not attacking because when they do, we'll be lucky to get out of it alive. The longer they stay away, the higher the chances of us surviving this."

"Yeah? How long are we gonna keep squatting here, waiting for an attack then?" Klep demanded with a sneer. "What if they never come? We gonna wall ourselves up here forever?"

"We obey our orders, Klep, so just shut up, wouldn't you?"

"Both of you shut up," another voice interrupted. "Listen."

The corridor full of hunters snapped to attention. A tensed silence descended on the group as they listened hard.

Footsteps. Quiet. Stealthy. Light. One pair. Possibly female or a small-sized male.

Qynn gestured to the hunter closest to the barricade and pointed at his eyes. _See anything?_ The hunter peered out through the holes they had left in the barricade and shook his head. _Negative_.

_Splash_. Klep blinked and looked at Qynn questioningly. Qynn nodded back, frowning. He heard it too. _More splashes._ Yet again, Qynn looked at the hunter by the barricade. The hunter was frowning. Dropping to a crouch, he moved quickly to Qynn and whispered, "I saw something flash by. I can't tell what it is. There's a weird smell too. Like… soup" Report over, he scuttled back to his position by the barricade.

Kleps' head cocked as he listened and he tapped Qynn on the shoulder and pointed to his ear. Qynn's eyes closed as he listened.

More footsteps. Multiple ones. Some light. Some heavy. The Ryodan? But…

"I hear at least thirty pairs," Klep muttered. "I thought there were nine people with the Ryodan, max? Did they call for reinforcements?"

"No, that doesn't make sense. At any one time, the Ryodan has only thirteen people in it at all. I have no…" Qynn's reply was cut off as one of the booby traps detonated in a relatively small explosion that still shook the barricade anyway. The poor victim screamed, the voice high-pitched and almost inhuman in its agony.

"Fuck yeah," Klep growled fiercely.

Another explosion and someone else screamed, a low guttural cry of fright and pain. Yet another explosion. And another. And another. Screams and howls filled the corridor, getting closer to the barricade with each second.

Qynn and Klep exchanged looks. This wasn't right. There were still too many footsteps, too many voices… what…

"Oh fuck!" the hunter at the barricade shouted, his voice distorted with terror. "Oh fuck! It's not the Ryodan! It's the fucking _ants_!"

At that moment, the entire barricade exploded inwards and giant, grotesquely mutated, _furious_ ants stormed into the corridor.

* * *

Next to Kuroro, Nobunaga chuckled darkly as they watched the ants pour into the hunters, lured by the mixture of dead carcasses Shalnark had cooked up and that Feitan had splashed liberally along the corridor leading up to the barricades. "Nice," Nobunaga commented. "The ants took the brunt of the booby traps. It saved us the trouble of dodging them."

"And now we know Shalnark makes excellent chum too," Feitan commented wryly.

"Shall we go in now?" Phinx asked, eyeing the chaotic battle with anticipation. "The ants are getting the best bits."

"Of course," Kuroro agreed, summoning his book. "Go ahead."

Grinning widely, Phinx pounded down the corridor, Nobunaga, Shalnark, Moonshine and Feitan close behind him. Kuroro glanced at Pepeka and Machi, who were still standing behind them.

"Not joining them?" Kuroro asked.

"Watching your back," Pepeka said, eyes fixed on the battle ahead and giant hands glowing with Nen. "Go ahead and find the Zodiacs."

"I got you," Machi said with quiet confidence, her Nen strings twanging almost invisibly in the darkened corridor.

Kuroro nodded and looked down at Midoya. "Shall we?"

Midoya, eyes closed and head resting against his shoulder smiled faintly. "We shall," she agreed, her voice strangely distant.

"Then let's go." Confidently, Kuroro strolled down the corridor, past ants and humans tearing and ripping at each other. An ant launched itself at him, and he barely glanced at it as Pepeka's giant fist took off the ant's head in one blow. Another enemy, a hunter this time, leapt at him, and Nobunaga sliced the hunter in half from behind. Kuroro hardly noticed. The chaos reigning around him was nowhere as attention grabbing as the thick, quiet Nen simmering from within the meeting room after all.

In his arms, Midoya's Nen rose in response, vibrating with anticipation and spite. Kuroro smiled faintly as a chill ran down his spine and his own Nen reared in response to hers.

A dead body tunnelled into them and evaporated against the combined wall of their Nen. A red mist, what remained of the body, wafted around them before disappearing into nothingness. Midoya smiled in his arms, a cruel, cold smile that made the smile on his face widen. He could feel her eagerness to join the fight, to revel in the shredding of the flesh and the breaking of bones. He could feel her desire to bathe in the blood of her animals and laugh in their faces as they breathed their last. But she couldn't. She couldn't waste her waning strength on the pitiful hunters dying around them. She had to wait, she had to be patient, she had to bid her time.

It was such a long walk down the corridor.

Soon enough though, Kuroro reached the closed doors to the meeting room. Behind him, he felt Pepeka turn around to face any enemies that might try to interrupt them. He glanced down at Midoya and her eyes were open, calm and confident as always.

"Open the door and let me in, said the spider to the fly," Midoya said quietly.

"And when the fly didn't, the spider just opened the door anyway," Kuroro replied – and pushed through the door.

* * *

Prior to meeting Netero, Midoya June Kito's world had largely been a disorientating swirl of bright lights. Everywhere she looked, people and things were covered with a thin layer of light. Very early on, she learnt to read things about people through that light. She always knew when someone was ill. She always knew when their time came. She always knew when people liked her. She always knew when people hated her. Mostly people hated her. It was a privilege that came with the position she had been born into.

It was hard to pay attention in class when she could see her teacher glowing with irritation and frustration. It was hard to warm up to the nurses in the hospital when their aura showed their general indifference towards her. It was hard to sleep at night in the Kito mansion when the entire room glowed with the history and emotions of hundreds of years. Sometimes, Midoya June Kito woke up with her mind so filled with the despairs and hopes, love and hatred of others that she wasn't exactly sure who she was.

Midoya June Kito read a lot. From a very young age, she knew what that was called, what she was: mad, insane, crazy.

When she met Netero, he had glowed in a way she had never seen before. It was wild and contained; passionate and reserved; powerful and controlled. Much later, she learned that most powerful Nen-users had auras like that because they had learned to control their Nen down to the smallest fluctuation. At that moment however, as she gazed upon the glowing man in front of her, all she saw was power and control like she had never known, like she had always wanted. In the spur of the moment, she had mentioned it. And suddenly, she had a name for this. It wasn't insanity, it wasn't a disease; it was Nen.

The first lesson Netero taught her was how to stop concentrating her Nen to her eyes. He had pressed his hands on her head and told her to relax, to stop trying to _know_. She hadn't even realised she had wanted to know everything she could about the way until he said it. So she did as he asked, and when she opened her eyes, the world had gone dark. Without the glow, the world was darker yet more colourful. For once, she could see the true colours of the skies, of the trees; for once she could clearly see the features of the man smiling down at her.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"As blind as a bat," Midoya replied and he had laughed.

As Midoya grew, she drifted apart from Netero. It was to be expected; they were such different people after all, with such different goals in life. But she still respected him, admired him, perhaps even loved him in her own twisted little way. After all, he was the one who had shown her the darkness in the world, and she was eternally grateful to him for it.

* * *

The twelve Zodiacs, most powerful of all hunters, and most trusted of Netero's, sat around the conference table, staring with varying degrees of coolness at them as they stepped into the meeting room.

Kuroro met their stares with his own steady gaze. They didn't look quite the same way they did on video. On video, they had look small, cowed and rather pathetic. The powerful Nen surging around them made him revaluate his opinion of their strength. This wouldn't be an easy fight.

"Kuroro, put me down," Midoya murmured. He obliged, setting her onto her feet. Though she was forced to hold on to his arm a little longer in order to stabilise herself, she pulled his coat around her like a queen's robe and held her head high as she regarded her enemies. "Zodiacs," she greeted, a friendly smile on her face.

"Midoya dear," Pariston, sitting at the head of the table greeted back, smiling warmly. "You have broken through our defences a lot faster than we anticipated. How delightful." He cocked his head as he looked her up and down. "You don't look too well though, dear," he said, concern in his voice. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to take a seat?"

"I would, if I didn't think you would have booby trapped the seat offered, dear Pariston," Midoya replied with a little laugh. "How are the rest of the Zodiacs? I trust you are feeling well?"

"Enough of that, Midoya," a woman with features of a canine said firmly. "We know why you are here, and you know what we have been ordered to do."

"Of course, Cheadle-san," Midoya said gently. "You have been ordered to kill me by Netero himself. And I am here to kill all of you to stop the association from continuing to hunt me. I would greatly regret killing you though since I've always admired you. It's not personal; I hope you understand."

"Understand?" a man with sharp spikey hair and stripes on his face interrupted. "Bitch, this has been coming to you for ages."

"Kanzai dear," Midoya said with a charming smile. "If the rest of the Zodiacs weren't backing you on this, you wouldn't have dared come within a mile of me."

The man shot to his feet, eyes blazing and everyone at the table rose shortly. Nen started to hum through the air, the auras of so many powerful Nen-users creating an atmosphere in the room that was close to suffocating. With _Gyo_, Kuroro could see the way the different strings of Nen wove around in complicated patterns. If a normal person had been standing in the room, he would have passed out from the Nen clamping down on him like a tidal wave.

Well, things have gone downhill fast enough. Kuroro started to flip the pages in his book, looking for the skill that he had planned on using first.

"Kuroro," Midoya said quietly. "Please stand as far from me as possible and defend yourself with Nen." Kuroro stared in surprise at the back of her head and she looked back at him with a wide grin. "Things," she murmured as her Nen started to swell, "are going to get wild."

"You're going down, bitch!" one of the Zodiacs shouted and several of them leaped over the table to get at her.

Midoya turned back to face them, her hands held in front of her, one palm facing her and the other facing the Zodiacs. It was a fighting stance Kuroro had never seen before. As the Zodiacs rushed at her, Midoya's eyes half closed and she murmured, "_Ni Tao_."

Abruptly, her head ballooned to twice the size of her body. Kuroro just managed to spring back in time as her arms joined her head, swelling up grotesquely into fleshy lumps of meat, giant veins pulsing prominently on the surface. Her body started to bloat up, expanding in certain areas like bubble-gum and collapsing in on itself in others. With a horrible crunching sound, Midoya's body shot upwards, swelling until the top of her head, now lost under folds and folds of flesh, hit the ceiling and cracked it wide open.

A wave of Nen washed over Kuroro and it felt… _wrong_. It was like Midoya's Nen but so unlike hers. It was twisted and rotten, like a corpse left out in the rain for weeks. Instinctively, Kuroro knew Midoya shouldn't be using this skill, whatever it was. She was tampering with powers she shouldn't be messing with. She was pushing herself to destruction to kill the Zodiacs.

Kuroro knew all that, and he did nothing to stop her. Everyone chose their own path to hell after all.

"Holy fucking shit," Kanzai, who had grounded to a stop right in front of Midoya breathed. "What the fuck is that?"

No one answered him. There was no time to. The Zodiacs scattered as Midoya's Nen erupted from her body, shattering the table and sending roaring, searing waves of heat through the room. It wasn't just the form she had morphed into that was grotesque, it was the way it kept shifting, ballooning out and deflating like play-dough. There was something fundamentally wrong about her form, something asymmetrical and unbalanced that made Kuroro's eyes hurt to look at her.

With a loud groan, the massive, swollen lump of flesh that was Midoya advanced on the Zodiacs. Right on the top, a massive eye glared down at the Zodiacs who had frozen in place below her. The eye kept shifting, expanding to at least a metre in length then shrinking, flowing over the lumpy flesh below it like a pool of mercury. _"You're mine, Zodiacs,"_ her voice howled, sounding hollow as if coming from within a cave.

"Good lord almighty," another one of the Zodiacs, a man with a horse-like face gasped. "She is a monster."

"Zodiacs! There are twelve of us! We can take her!" Pariston's voice, bright and sharp, penetrated through the roar of Midoya's Nen and the creaking of the room as it started to come apart under her weight. "Attack together!"

That was enough to rally the Zodiacs, and they charged as one towards Midoya, shouting their own battle cries.

The first Zodiac to reach Midoya launched himself at her, spear raised to thrust into her flesh. The spear hit her flesh and rebounded off as if it had hit rubber. Then a massive, swollen arm erupted from Midoya's side and smacked the Zodiac hard. The Zodiac flew across the room and smashed through a wall. He came back up, still raring to go, but obviously injured from the way he cradled his arm.

A second Zodiac, a woman with snakes for arms, hissed as she lashed out at the mountain of flesh in front of her. But a barrier of hot, searing Nen burned the snakes right off. The Zodiac's scream of agony turned into one of shock when a mouth lined with huge, square teeth opened up in front of her. She barely managed to get out of the way in time as the large teeth clamped around one of her arms. Without hesitating, the woman tore her arm off and retreated, whimpering with pain.

Then Ging and Pariston, moving in a pincer attack, struck from two directions at the eye on top of Midoya's head. Before their blows could land, the eye disappeared, sinking into the fleshy folds below with a wet, sucking sound. Instead the men found themselves faced with a large powerful hand emerging from the head, grasping and striking at them wildly.

"Fuck," Ging cursed as he was forced to retreat. Pariston however, somersaulted over the hand, landed neatly behind it and severed it with a quick slice of his hand.

A pained roar rose from the depths of Midoya's form and the entire mountain of flesh bucked wildly, stampeding about and threatening to crush anyone too slow to get out of the way. Somehow, Pariston kept his footing and he raised his hand for another blow – only to blink in surprise when Kuroro teleported him to the other side of the room.

Their eyes met briefly and Kuroro smiled insolently at the uncharacteristically furious look on Pariston's face.

Another roar from Midoya grabbed their attention and Kuroro turned back to the battle, just in time to see the severed hand finger-walk itself back to the main body and merge into her body. Howling, Midoya dragged her heavy weight over the floor, advancing slowly on the retreating Zodiacs. The Zodiacs, realising they were going to be trapped and squashed under her massive bulk if they let her corner them, fought back desperately. Midoya's advances started to slow as their attacks started to penetrate her defences, drawing streams of blood that leaked profusely. Even so, she continued to move forward, slowly but surely forcing the Zodiacs into a death-trap.

The fight was going to be close. Kuroro raised his book and allowed his Nen to flood his body. It was up to him to put the odds in Midoya's favour.

Then out of nowhere, a male voice filled with absolute authority snapped, _"That is enough, all of you. Stop right now." _

* * *

The entire room froze into inaction at the sound of the voice that came out of nowhere. A whirring sound filled the air, and the wall behind the Zodiacs slid open to reveal a gigantic screen. On it, an old man bald save for a top knot and with a long beard smiled paternally down at them. Kuroro would not have thought there was anything that could tear the Zodiacs' eyes away from the monstrosity of flesh before them, but he was wrong.

"Chairman Netero," one of the Zodiacs gasped as the entire group stared at the face on the screen with varying sounds of shock.

"_Netero…"_ Suddenly, Midoya's body started to shrink and gain shape until she was back, small and plump as usual, staring in total shock at the screen, Kuroro's coat puddled around her feet. Before the Zodiacs could react to her sudden vulnerable state, Kuroro teleported her and his coat over, holding the coat around her firmly as she swayed and shook violently in his arms.

The old man on the screened laughed, a pleasant and benign sound. _"Zodiacs and my dear Midoya. You must all be so shocked to see me. I wish I could see your faces now,"_ the image chuckled. _"Though of course I can't. If you are seeing this video, it means I am dead and that the Zodiacs have tried to carry out my orders of killing Midoya."_ His eyes twinkled. _"I can also tell you failed, Zodiacs, given how this video will only be activated if the sensors pick up both Midoya's Nen and all the Nen of the Zodiacs. Well, at the very least, it tells me that all of you did work together to try to take Midoya down." _

"How is this possible?" Cheadle demanded, staring wide-eyed at the screen. "He predicted that we will go to the Fort? He predicted that Midoya would make it this far?"

"_My dear Midoya,"_ the image went on. _"You must have been surprised to learn that I ordered your death. I suppose you want to know why." _To Kuroro's amazement, Midoya pressed against him with a soft whimper, shaking with terror and rage, like a cornered animal. _"My dear disciple, youngest of my children, you were always my greatest pride and joy, and my biggest fear. Dear Midoya… my order was a joke." _

The whimper died off and Kuroro felt Midoya's body stiffen in shock next to him as the entire room erupted in shouts of disbelief and horror.

"A joke? A _joke_?" Kanzai howled. "What the fuck? Netero, you old bastard! What the hell did you mean 'a joke'?"

The image on screen was laughing again. _"I can imagine your faces now,"_ he sighed happily, wiping tears out of his eyes. _"Yes, it was meant as a joke. I knew that in the event of my death, the Zodiacs would come together to pull the Association together. I wanted to test you. I wanted to see how well you would fare against Two Star Blacklist Hunter Midoya June Kito, my disciple, heir to the Kito estate, honourary mafiaso, and lover of Kuroro Lucifer, Dancho of the Genei Ryodan."_ Now, it was Kuroro's turn to stiffen in shock. _"Now you are wondering how I know about that. My dear, a few years ago, I snuck into your penthouse to check on you. There was no one in, but there were plenty of signs that a man had been living in your place. A very distinctive coat lying on your couch told me who it was. I can't say I'm too disappointed though. There are worse people in this world to bed. Lucifer, as rumour goes, is a powerful Nen-user after all and supposedly quite handsome too. I hope he's as good in bed as he is on the battlefield." _

"My goodness, he knew?" Kuroro muttered. "Do you mean to say we spent the whole time sneaking around the eyes of the Association for nothing?"

Midoya did not answer him, her eyes wide and almost child-like as she stared at the screen.

"_So Zodiacs," _the image went on to the group whispering frantically amongst themselves. _"Now you know. Midoya was a test that you failed to pass. But I hope you have learned something from it. As of this moment, consider the hunt on Midoya June Kito cancelled and all damages inflicted by her and her own null." _The image smiled. _"Of course, you can choose to ignore that and continue to fight Midoya. What are a dead man's words worth anyway?"_

"That man is dead and he still scares me," one of the Zodiacs muttered.

"_But Midoya, do not think none of this was for your benefit."_ Midoya's head whipped up and she pressed even harder into Kuroro. _"Truthfully, I had hoped you would benefit more from this little joke than the Zodiacs. This was meant to be a lesson to you, my dear, the last lesson I would ever teach you as your sensei." _The image looked solemn now. _"My dear, for all your power, for all your strength, and for all your intelligence, one of the things you never learned was your own limits. Because you are so powerful, you have no idea how to gauge your own strength in relation to others. Ironically, that resulted in you placing so many limits on yourself that you have failed to reach your full potential." _

"Is he joking again? Tell me he is joking," the Zodiac with the snakes snapped.

"_You are only in your mid-twenties, and you are already a renowned Blacklist Hunter and businesswoman. Heir to riches beyond imagination. You have so much power, so much intelligence and so much creativity. Yet, you limit yourself to just being that. It has never failed to boggle my mind. My dear, why do you settle for simply being June Kito or Blacklist Hunter Midoya? You, with so much potential, so much intelligence… you could take over the world if you wanted to. That was part of the reason why I took you in; I thought for sure that once I helped you reach your full potential, you would start desiring more… start desiring things you shouldn't, and I would have to fight you. You were to be my magnus opus, my greatest enemy, the one I would sacrifice my life to kill. But you never tried. Not once." _The image on the screen looked pained. _"You remained... pure. Despite all that you went through as a child, as an adult… you remained so innocent and naïve of your full potential. Power should corrupt, and you who have so much power should be corrupted magnificently, but somehow you bypassed that, much to my greatest disappointment." _

"He's not joking, Gell," Ging said quietly. "He's not. He really wanted Midoya to be a super villain. That crazy old man wanted to turn Midoya into a super villain."

"_Midoya, what I want you to learn from this little joke is simple. You don't need the Hunter Association. I know how much you rely on your identity as a blacklist hunter to escape the claustrophobic world of June Kito, but my dear, you don't need the association at all. Ruin it. Destroy it. Seek to be the new Chairman or its greatest enemy. See how you could fight against the Zodiacs, go head to head with them, and hold your own? You have nothing to fear from the Association. There's nothing they can do to you that can hurt you." _The eyes on screen were hypnotic and fierce. _"Join the Ryodan if your lover asks you to. Kill a member and earn the right to join them if he doesn't. Overthrow his position and become Dancho of the Genei Ryodan. Why not? Destroy the mafia. Rebuild it in your liking. Become President. Ruin countries. Build countries. The world is your playground. Play in it or burn it to the ground." _

"Good lord, I vote to switch off this video," Cheadle said faintly, and there were murmurs of agreement, but no one made a move.

"_Dear Midoya. Learn this lesson well and become more than you are now." _A delighted smile spread across the old man's face. _"And when you do, Zodiacs, choose whether to hunt her or not. It will be a glorious fight, one that will shake this boring world to the core. I only wish I could be there to see it."_ The old man sighed. _"And that is all I have to say. Learn your lessons well, my dears. Farewell Zodiacs, Midoya. I will see you all one day, in hell." _

The video flickered off and the room fell back into silence. Slowly, one by one, the Zodiacs turned to stare at Midoya who had gone deathly pale and silent in Kuroro's arms.

"Well, this is certainly awkward," Pariston said brightly. "As it turns out, we've all been played by the Chairman."

"What a terrible misunderstanding. I'm so glad it is over," Kuroro said just as brightly, still holding the strangely silent Midoya who was leaning heavily against him. "If there's nothing else then…"

"Don't think you can leave so easily," Cheadle said sharply. "We have a hundred part-time hunters and another thirty hunters dead. Something must be done about it."

"Cheadle," Ging interrupted gruffly. "Did you think Netero thought he could pit the Zodiacs against Midoya and not have any sacrifices? He predicted this would happen and he still let it happen anyway. Best to let bygones be bygones. The Zodiacs wouldn't hunt Midoya anymore, as Netero requested." He turned to face Midoya. "Peace?" he asked.

Midoya did not reply and the Zodiacs started to shift anxiously, readying themselves for a fight. But Kuroro held up a hand to stop them. Carefully, he pulled back his coat from around Midoya. Her wounds had split open and blood was pouring down her body. He looked back at her face and her eyes were focused and dull at the same time.

Machi, who had been watching by the doorway with the rest of the Ryodan, Pepeka and Moonshine came in immediately.

"Peace," Midoya finally said quietly as Machi started to work on her wounds. "I'll let this go if you will."

"Then we are agreed," Pariston said happily. "The hunt for Blacklist Hunter Midoya is over. The deaths of the part-time hunters and hunters can be blamed on Netero since he's dead and can't protest anyway. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Nodding, Midoya regarded the blank screen with an expression on her face Kuroro could not properly identify. "You doddering, senile bastard," she whispered, so softly only Machi and Kuroro heard. "You could have just _told me_." Finally, her strength ran out and her eyes rolled up into her head. With a soft moan, she slumped and started to fall. In her broken state, the fall would have shattered already fragile bones and killed her.

Good thing Kuroro managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

* * *

Now that the danger was over, it became apparent to Kuroro that Midoya needed more medical help than Machi could give, and she needed it immediately. Pariston reached the same conclusion as Kuroro and offered them use of the medical facilities in the Fort. Theoretically, Kuroro felt he could depend quite a bit on the Zodiacs' goodwill. But years of living as a criminal had made him paranoid of any hand-outs and he had steadfastly refused the repeated offers.

In a stroke of unprecedented genius, Kuroro whipped out Midoya's phone and dialled the number listed under 'Butler (Kito)'. A smooth, young male voice answered the phone, listened to Kuroro's instructions with great care, and then politely indicated that a helicopter with a medical team would be sent out immediately to pick up Lady Kito.

Apparently Midoya spared no expenses in hiring efficient help because a helicopter reached the port of Northern Hun before they did, even though they travelled along the routes used by the hunters, did. By the time they arrived, the medical team was already on standby with a surprisingly elaborate medical set-up.

Pepeka who had been carrying the still unconscious Midoya leapt onto the helicopter immediately, his face drawn and worried. Kuroro, who had ran out of steam carrying Midoya sometime ago (she was _heavy_), was told there wasn't enough space for both of them on the helicopter.

"I'll contact you," Pepeka promised with frantic absentness as the helicopter took off.

"Alright," Kuroro replied, still panting, his voice lost in the roar of the departing copter as he watched the helicopter until it was nothing but a small black speck in the horizon.

"You look like you got dumped," Feitan teased and Kuroro gave him a strained smile.

Almost an entire day later, the Ryodan were back in their base in York Shin City where they were greeted by the other members and a stockpile of explosives.

"There's no more funeral?" Shizuku exclaimed disappointedly. "And I was looking forward to cremating Kito too. She was the best Ryodan member ever."

"She's never been in the Ryodan before," Franklin corrected patiently in the tone of voice that suggested this wasn't the first time he had said this.

Faced with an abandoned warehouse full of hyped up Nen-users practically bouncing off the walls with unspent energy, Kuroro had been forced to plan a spontaneous invasion of the York Shin City bank, just to take the edge off the tension in the group. As they stood in the bank vault, happily grazing through the goods, Kuroro checked his phone for any missed calls or messages. Nothing. Well… how fast he got information depended on where Midoya was sent to. He really should have asked, but there hadn't been time. No matter, he could wait a day or two to hear from them.

A week later, Kuroro was still sitting stonily in the warehouse staring at his phone. Still no contact from either Midoya or Pepeka. All attempts to call them had not connected. He frowned slightly at the phone as if he were thinking of taking it apart and examining its insides. The other Ryodan members edged away from him as subtly as they could.

Two weeks later, Kuroro climbed through the window in Midoya's penthouse. To his horror, the place was _neat_. Books had been put back properly into their shelves. When there hadn't been anymore shelf-space, books had been put in neat piles along the wall. Midoya's makeup was actually arranged properly by type, colour and brand. Her bed was made. Her wardrobe was arranged by type of clothing. There was no sign of the war zone they had left the place in.

Rather anxiously, Kuroro searched for Julius, the doorman, just to confirm that Midoya's evil twin hadn't taken over her room in her absence. Julius, with great calmness and politeness, assured Kuroro that no evil twin of Midoya's had invaded her room. In fact, no one had returned to the penthouse since the last time Midoya, Kuroro and Pepeka had left it. Lucy had taken the initiative to clean up the room and she hoped sincerely that Kuroro didn't mind. She assured him that she had not looked in Midoya's diary. Kuroro hadn't even known Midoya had a diary.

"Lady Kito left a message for you," Julius told a half-appeased Kuroro. "It was mailed to us a week ago."

The message read: _Dear Kuroro, I'll find you when I find you. Don't worry about me, I'm just taking a break. Midoya._

She had also left messages for Pepeka and any other hunter that came by to find her. Kuroro begged, threatened and finally charmed Julius into showing him the messages. The one to Pepeka was pretty much the same as the one addressed to him, only with more reassurances of her well-being and love for him, and many more terms of endearment. The one to the hunter association was addressed to Pariston, and it told him in great detail what he could do with his male reproductive organs.

"Physically impossible, I would think," Julius said, as if he were talking about the weather.

"Oh, not at all," Kuroro disagreed, the memory of his fight with Hisoka still fresh in his mind.

Still, Kuroro mused as he left the building through the front door, it was hardly a surprise that Midoya was on vacation. After what she had been through, she probably needed time to recuperate and think about what Netero had said. She probably needed time to mourn his death too, given how much she obviously cared for the old man. What with being hunted by the association, he doubted she had time to sit down and have a proper cry about it. In fact, Kuroro mused, that was probably the reason why she left without telling him. She didn't want him to see her cry.

With that realisation, Kuroro Lucifer, like the sensitive, new-age guy that he was, set out with even greater determination to hunt her down. Hey, the last time he went on vacation, he took her with him instead of abandoning her in boring old York Shin with a brief note that barely even began to explain her absence. Never mind that she was working for him then and didn't have a choice; it's the principle of the thing that matters.

In his search for the missing Midoya, the next obvious stop was the Kito mansion. Security at the mansion had been very unsympathetic and disbelieving of Kuroro's story, and had tried to stop him from advancing into the mansion. Kuroro had been forced to take action against their impoliteness. Eventually, a beautiful young man with coiffed blonde hair and Dorian Gray good looks, elegant and poised, emerged from the mansion and asked Kuroro very politely to stop eviscerating the guards and getting innards all over the carefully tended lawn. Kuroro obliged only because the man told him that Lady Kito _had_ been here a good ten days or so ago, but had already left. No, the young man did not know where she had gone to. Yes, he was telling the truth. No, he did not want to be tortured. Yes, he was _definitely_ telling the truth. No, he had no idea how to contact Lady Kito. Yes, he was very grateful for 'sir's' kind understanding.

Kuroro left the young man bowing behind him as he strode out of the mansion, frowning deeply. This was going to be difficult. Well, he would expect nothing less of Midoya. This was a challenge he was willing to take on.

"Shalnark," Kuroro said into his phone as he strode off the mansion grounds. "I need to know where Midoya is right now. She's not in her penthouse or her mansion. Find her."

"_Okay,"_ Shalnark agreed, and his voice suggested that he was only surprised Kuroro had taken so long to ask.

In the end, it took the entire Ryodan working together to find her. A few people were tortured (some might have died), a very well protected website was hacked (accidentally causing a power outage in the whole of York Shin City), a blimp was shot down (almost causing an international accident), the Hunter Association was harassed (with great prejudice) and Shalnark may or may not have lost his virginity along the way. But, they found her.

Midoya turned out to be on the other side of the globe, on a peaceful little island retreat which seemed to Kuroro to be mainly beach, sea, scantily dressed women, tanned men and a lot of coconuts. The resort she had been staying in had been booked entirely by Midoya using an alias, and Shalnark had assured Kuroro that she was the only person living in it.

It turns out Shalnark had been wrong about that. The moment Kuroro stepped through the charmingly rustic entrance, he found himself faced with ten men in black suits and shades waving firearms of varying sizes and shapes at him. Yet again, Kuroro was forced to take offence at their blatant disregard for the well-being of his coat (which had survived the attack on the Fort in one piece) and to defend himself to the best of his ability.

As he rampaged through the crowd of men, trying his best not to kill any of them and make Midoya even angrier than she would be once she found out he was here, he locked in on her presence and started to beat a path towards the room she was in. Men shouted and shot things at him. Kuroro responded in kind. Midoya's presence did not vanish. He took that as a good sign.

Finally, he found himself standing outside an intricately decorated door. Without any hesitation, he dropped the screaming man he had been holding on to and pushed the door with his toe. Cautiously, he peeked in, half-expecting to be greeted with another spray of Nen-reinforced bullets. No one shot at him, so he stepped in.

The room was large, airy and filled with plenty of natural light. Furnishing made from various types of rattan, ropes and wood filled the room with a charming, rustic air. Bright, aromatic tropical flowers were placed strategically to brighten up the largely dull colours of the furnishing. A large bed dominated the room, chiffon drapes flowing around it. And on the bed was Midoya, book in one hand, cookie in the other, wearing a silk bathrobe and an expression of amused annoyance on her face.

"My dear Kuroro, you are the most relentless man ever," she said, putting the cookie and the book down. "I am fairly certain you have gotten my message from Julius…?"

Kuroro looked her up and down. She had lost some weight, and her skin was even paler than usual. Dark eye circles rimmed her eyes, and she looked exhausted and ill. Her lips were slightly chapped and peeling at the corners. The skin that showed from under the bathrobe was severely scarred. All in all, she looked like hell warmed over, but she certainly looked a lot better than the last time he had seen her. "I did," he finally said. "Did Julius tell you? I thought he was lying when he said he had no idea how to contact you."

"Of course he had a way of contacting me. Still, you got my message. And yet you thought to come all the way here looking for me," she sighed wearily. "I must assume it is an emergency. What is it?"

What was it indeed? Truth be told, Kuroro had been so focused on rising to the challenge of locating his enigmatic, mysterious Midoya that he hadn't thought of _why_ he was actually looking for her in the first place. Well, when in doubt, go with the first impulse.

Kicking off his boots, he climbed onto the bed, pulled her into his arms and kissed her neck. She smelled like stale sweat and something medicinal, like she had just recovered from a prolonged illness. Her skin was warm and feverish. Kuroro pressed against her and kissed her some more.

"Kuroro?" Midoya questioned tentatively.

Sighing contentedly, Kuroro pressed his face against her neck and started to undo her bathrobe. He slipped a hand inside and gently stroked her skin. Scars, rough and obviously still raw, made a delicious contrast with the softness of her body.

"Kuroro, are you telling me you travelled half way around the globe for _sex_?" Midoya asked incredulously.

That brought a chuckle out of Kuroro and he nipped her neck gently in reply.

"My word… this is… this is... Oh bugger. Alright then," Midoya replied faintly, wrapping her legs around his waist. "Just be gentle; I'm still recovering. If you reopen my wounds, I will _spank_ you."

* * *

A pleasant hour later found the pair curled up in the mess that was once a bed, half-dozing in the afterglow of sex. Absently, Kuroro traced the hideous scar on Midoya's torso, one of the numerous remaining signs of her time spent fighting the Hunter Association. His fingers wandered over the other scars, including the one at the back of her hand where an I.V. drip had been inserted once.

"My doctors almost cried when they brought me in," Midoya murmured when his finger traced the back of her hand. "They had no idea how I had survived a Y-incision and had no idea what to do about it. They didn't know about Nen, you see. It took them all their skill plus some desperate illegal drug-usage just to put me back together. I heard the head surgeon was almost weeping with exhaustion by the end of the operation. It was a really close call." She stopped talking for a while as a breeze swept over them. "I was unconscious for days. Even after I woke up, I could barely move. I was totally dependent on Pepeka to take care of me for a while."

"Mmm," Kuroro replied lazily.

For a moment more, they enjoyed the fresh breeze coursing through the room. Then Midoya said quietly, "Why did you come looking for me, Kuroro? I really don't think sex was on your agenda. Much."

Kuroro blinked sleepily and forced the pleasant haze of fatigue away. "You weren't in any of the places I know you frequent. Pepeka, the only one who might know where you were, wasn't answering my calls. You were avoiding me. That's why I came after you."

"Because I was avoiding you? Didn't you think I have my reasons?"

"Certainly. I could think of several reasons why you might have needed time alone. But you were _avoiding me_. Of course I had to come after you."

"Kuroro dear, has anyone ever told you that you might be a _little bit_ obsessive?"

"It might have been mentioned a couple of times," Kuroro chuckled.

"You are impossible," Midoya scolded gently. Her expression grew pensive as she stared at the thatched ceiling. "I'm not joining the Ryodan," she finally said.

"Why not?" Kuroro asked, though he wasn't surprised. "Your sensei suggested you should. Wouldn't you respect a dead man's wishes?"

"To hell with that old man. He can say what he like about my choices in life, but it is _my_ life, and only I can decide what I want to do with it," Midoya snorted. "Kuroro, your Ryodan is lovely. I like the members I've met so far. I like the way you do things. I felt we worked well together, the Ryodan and me. But… it's not right for me." Her gaze on him was intense. "The Ryodan requires its members to give it all their loyalty, isn't that right, Kuroro? To the members, the Ryodan is above all."

"Yes, that's right."

Midoya shook her head. "I can't do that," she said. "There is no way I can afford to put the Ryodan above everything else in my life. And… it wouldn't be fair to the Ryodan if I joined knowing that I will never be as loyal to the Ryodan as the rest of them would be."

"It wouldn't be," Kuroro agreed, playing with a strand of her hair. "I can't say I am not disappointed, Midoya, but I can accept your reasoning. The Ryodan has no need for a member who does not have absolute loyalty to the Ryodan anyway. I hope you don't mind if we occasionally come to you for help though? We do outsource for outside help once in a while."

"Of course I wouldn't mind," Midoya said softly, a smile on her face.

Silence fell over them as they lay quietly for a while, each caught in their own thoughts.

"What are you going to do now?" Kuroro asked finally.

"Enjoy my vacation," Midoya replied with a laugh. "Theoretically, my doctors have ordered that I be confined to my room like an invalid, and fed on nothing but porridge and water. But I grew restless; I needed something to do. That's why I came here, really, not just to escape the relentless fussing of Pepeka and the general harassment by the association… and your pesky intrusions into my privacy, you bad boy. Not that I'm unhappy you found me, really."

"No?" Kuroro smiled unrepentantly. "That is good then. I hope you will let me enjoy your vacation with you."

"Of course dear, since you're already here." Her expression brightened up suddenly. "I heard rumours that the seas two miles off the shores of this island to the east is home to a giant sea monster, as huge as the island itself and as wide. Shall we go check that out later today?"

Kuroro's smile widened. "Why not? It will be an interesting adventure."

And it was.

The End

* * *

A/N: And yay! This is the end of the third instalment in the Series series. I hope you enjoyed it, my dear readers. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read my story. Even more thanks goes to the readers who left reviews. I enjoyed reading the comments very much and they have inspired me to continue writing. So without further ado, I present to you, the preview to the next instalment of the Series series!

Preview of A Series of Very Criminal Activities

Hardly two hours into the search, Kuroro obtained news that the newcomers were in District Four of Meteor City.

As they walked up the mud paths of District Four, a dirty, grimy hand waved at them. The squat boy with a horrible hunchback, owner of the hand, held a finger to his lips then pointed to a pile of rubbish a good storey high. "Behind there," he whispered with a lisp.

Kuroro nodded his thanks and headed for the mountain of rubbish. For a moment, he paused to consider the pile of junk before him carefully. The mountain of rubbish was unstable, but not impossible to climb. With a little care, they could scale it and get a good look at these strangers without alerting them. He indicated his plan with a gesture, and all four of them skipped up the rubbish pile agilely.

At the top, Kuroro stopped just before he reached the peak. Cautiously, he stuck his head over and looked down.

Just like the boy had told them, the three outsiders were there, obviously questioning a sullen and wary man. The two men looked almost identical, tall and well-built, both dressed in black suits. There was something about them that just screamed _mafia_. The obvious gun holsters there were wearing and the black suits were probably clues. That was surprising; the average mafia thug just wasn't tough enough to survive an hour in Meteor City. However, as far as he could tell, these men were obviously just… normal humans. Then it wasn't them that had deterred the residents of Meteor City. Kuroro dismissed them as unimportant and looked at the third person.

The third person, as the rumour had claimed, was a woman. Kuroro couldn't see her features properly as her back to him. From what he could see, she had straight black hair, pulled into a neat ponytail at the base of her neck. She wore a baby pink pantsuit that looked very out of place in the filth of Meteor City. Kuroro thought he caught a glimpse of pearls hanging around a pale neck. The immediate impression that sprang to mind was of a rich business-woman.

However, despite the appearance of a pampered, sheltered life, something about the woman before him set off the alarm bells in his head. There was just something about the way she stood, the way she moved, that conveyed… danger

Abruptly, the woman's head snapped up to meet his eyes and Kuroro heard Nobunaga gasp in surprise. Kuroro himself had frozen up in shock when he recognised her. How could he not? The woman was Midoya, Two Star Blacklist Hunter Midoya whom he hadn't seen in four months.

Then he saw the flawless skin, the subtle make-up, the colour of her pantsuit which Midoya (who normally favoured black clothing) never wore, and the hard, cruel expression on her face as she stared at him. No, Kuroro realised with a start, not his Midoya.

June Kito.


End file.
